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Original poster

If I don't get the gender I want, will I be disappointed?

72 replies

fuzzyfelt · 23/12/2004 22:03

I know that there are much more important things in life really, but I'm dying to know as it seems that no-one really talks about it - if you really want a baby boy or girl but get the opposite, are you disappointed? If so, how long does it last?

I have 2DDs and would possibly like a 3rd baby at some stage. However, I would really like a 3rd baby to be a boy - only because I have girls already. I don't think that I want a third just because I want a boy but if I did have a third, I would want it to be a boy, IYSWIM. Anyway, I feel that I would be disappointed if I had another girl (which I know is a shallow really) so would appreciate any wisdom!

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Gobbledigoose · 24/12/2004 11:54

I agree Jampot - I had loads of girls names but right from my first pg it was going to be Anna, and still was when I was on my 3rd - 'she' was never to be though so I struggled with boys names 3 times!!

tallulah · 24/12/2004 21:42

There was a previous thread on this, but I can't be bothered to look for it I will hold my hands up & say I set out wanting 3 DDs. Got the first one & was convinced that having had one the rest would follow. Not so. Ended up with 1 DD & 3 DSs. Will admit that had I known DS3 was going to be another boy we'd have stopped at 3. For some reason it's wrong to admit you feel like that, but there is so much bound up in the baggage we all carry around that it would be odd if you didn't, IYSWIM.

I always wanted a sister & didn't have one. I wanted to give my DD the sister I never had... It actually gets worse as I get older when I see how other people are with their sisters & how much closer their kids are. (My brother pretends my kids don't exist )

I found out at 32 weeks that DS1 was a boy & I was really shocked. It gave me time to get used to the idea, find a name & think of him as a real person. With DS3 I was bitterly disappointed that my last chance for a 2nd DD had gone. It didn't help that DS1 & DS2 have dyspraxia, DS2 also has ADHD & these are conditions more often affecting boys. Luckily DS3 is fine, so he is our only "normal" son, & of course I'm so glad we had him!

They all know that mummy wanted girls (they are now 13- 18), but also know that they are very much loved and that we wouldn't swap them for the world. Ironically DD is a real daddy's girl & drives me completely mad. I was desperate for her to come home from uni & by the end of her first afternoon home remembered why I was so desperate for her to move out.... Boys are so much easier...

fisilhohoho · 24/12/2004 21:49

Interesting thread. I'm expecting my second boy (or a girl with a growth between her legs) and I know I'm going to get comments over Xmas from well meaning relatives about trying for another one so we get a girl, and whether we really wanted a girl. I was so so so hoping it would be a boy - I love the thought of being Mummy to two little boys (well, two little ones and one big one). In fact I was quite down before my scan. I was still down afterwards, but felt a huge weight had been lifted from knowing it was another boy!

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Original poster

fuzzyfelt · 24/12/2004 21:50

Just got back online - have been busy getting xmas stuff ready for the children! Am sure I'm the one that's most excited tho'!!

Thanks so much for all your wisdom. This has genuinely really helped me. I was getting quite hung up about the boy thing but now I have much more in perspective. Mumsnet is great isn't it? You can ask anything, even really 'taboo' things and just get good advice without anyone judging you (much!) or gossiping - it's really healthy IYKWIM.

Happy Xmas everyone. X

OP posts:

jingleoooggs · 27/12/2004 21:01

I was convinced I was carrying a girl and thought I really wanted a girl, and when DS popped out I was smitten. DS is very loving and is a proper mummys boy. A another baby boy or girl would be fantastic. My only worry is have do you find enough time and love for other children?

ChristmasCracker · 27/12/2004 21:12

I was very very aprehensive about having a boy after having 2 dd's, so when i found out i was pregnant again i decided to ask the sex as soon as i could. By the time i had the scan i was already pretty cinvinced it was a boy because i was having such a differnt pregnancy than i had with the girls.

I was right, and once they told me i felt so much better and went and brought a load of baby boys clothes from the next sale and presented them to dp without saying a word

I was still a bit worried that i wouldn't know what to do with him and wouldn't bond with him but i couldn't have been more wrong, he is my little angel and i love him to bits

Demented · 27/12/2004 21:28

I have two DSs. When pg with DS1 I wanted a boy and was convinced I was having a boy so was quite happy. Almost immediately it started, "next time you'll have a wee girl", "ah well nevermind hen, better luck next time" type comments, mostly from older ladies. When DS1 was little all I wanted was another boy, two boys, until I was pg with DS2 when it felt like everyone was telling me I wanted a DD and I had managed to convince myself that only by having a DD would I have a different experience than with DS1 (DS1 was and still is very hard work, although I love him to bits I just couldn't cope with two of him). Everyone thought it was OK to look at my bump and make predictions about the baby's sex, telling me "oh this one's definately a girl" etc. We decided to find out at the scan for practical reasons, whether to get all the boy's clothes out etc. When we were told he was a little boy I felt my bottom lip begin to quiver and a huge surge of disappointment, even although this is what I wanted my two boys.

My DS2 is very different to DS1 and in many ways is all things people told me a little girl would bring to our lives. Doesn't stop me wanting a third though and at the moment the thought of a third boy would be lovely but there is a sneaky little bit of me wouldn't mind a girl if there was a third time round!

pantomimEDAMe · 27/12/2004 22:02

Fuzzyfelt, my answer would be NO! I always 'knew' I'd have a girl - never even considered the possibility of having a boy. And always felt quite sorry for people who did have sons. Come from a family of girls, had no idea what you do with boys and no interest in them ? right from the days of being very small myself and playing with dollies. Nothing in particular against boys, just that it wasn't what I wanted and not something that would ever happen to me.
When I discovered I was expecting a boy, I went into shock. I was very, very relieved that my baby was healthy but really couldn't get my head round this boy business. And I was sad that I wouldn't have my little Lottie. But at the same time knowing the gender made the baby more 'real' and actually made me feel even closer to my bump. And when ds was born, it just felt right ? as if I recognised him from this little person I'd been having a conversation with for the previous nine months. I was lucky enough to be one of those people who falls in love with their baby instantly. Am very, very glad now that I didn't have my theoretical girl because then I wouldn't have ds who is a. generally wonderful and b. MY little boy. So much so that if no. 2 was a boy too I'd be very happy about it (not that we are actually planning no. 2 right now, but if we ever do...).
HTH

hatterselfamerrymerrychristmas · 27/12/2004 23:13

fuzzyfelt - haven't read the other responses but with two DDs myself I have always thought this could be an issue if we had a third (which we won;t so it's academic anyway!) but I have always thought that if we did I would ask teh gender at the 20 week scan - my reasoning being that I would rather feel the disappointment then, and give myself 20 weeks to deal with it, then feel it when the little lass or fella appeared.

paolosgirl · 27/12/2004 23:24

This seems to be one of these things that you don't talk about, but I will own up to being desperate for a girl the second time around. I got my wish, and was so overjoyed. I am sure that if it had been another boy, there would have been an initial period of adjusting, and then maternal love would have taken over.

hoxtonturkey · 28/12/2004 08:08

i have a ds & am 12 weeks pregnant with my second. really really don't mind what i have this time - a girl would be nice & symetrical, equally it would be great for ds to have a brother, & we've got lots of boy stuff already. my sil on the other hand, is desperate for me to have a girl. she has 2 boys & has always wanted a daughter. i think if i do have a boy she's going to take it a lot harder than me (for me, healthy baby=what i want)!

pantomimEDAMe · 28/12/2004 08:17

Hey HoxtonTurkey, how are you?

hoxtonturkey · 28/12/2004 08:25

hi edam, good thanks. how are you?

pantomimEDAMe · 28/12/2004 08:27

OK but it's my mother's birthday today and this is the first year ever I won't be there ... saw her boxing day and she was the one who said don't worry about coming up (lives about 100 miles away) but still feeling a bit miserable about it. Thank goodness have tracked down a florist who is open today... and gave her birthday presents to take home on Boxing Day.

hoxtonturkey · 28/12/2004 08:41

what a nice thing, to send flowers. it's my mum's birthday just before xmas, & now we don't always go home, i have the same thing. i felt bad giving her both her presents on boxing day. hope you have a good day with dh & lovely ds. xxx

pantomimEDAMe · 28/12/2004 08:53

Hope you also have a good day with dh and your equally gorgeous ds.

mikeyjon · 28/12/2004 19:39

i was told at my 20 week scan that i was having a girl, got really excited, bought pink clothes/bedding/teddies etc and choose her name...

all through my labour i was concentrating on my daughter, all this hard work was for her... after 'she' was born and wrapped up my husband discovered that she was a he

felt disapointed for a while and also felt like something was missing... then realised how lucky i was to have a healthy baby and accepted it. it took me a while to bond with him though because for 20 weeks o had been day dreaming about my 'daughter'. i still have all 'her' baby clothes, cant bring myself to get rid of them. have since had another boy...

SantaClausfrau · 28/12/2004 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

malibustacey · 28/12/2004 20:55

Hi my 1st child was a boy which i wanted, followed 5yrs later by a much wanted girl, i desperatly wanted all those pink clothes, girlie toys, girlie shopping days when she was older.
Then when i became pregnant again 2 yrs l8r, i so wanted another girl, so when i had my scan and they told me it was a boy i cried all the way home, i had decided from the beginning that i was havin another girl.
But i am so glad i got another boy he is the most adorable, lovin, funny, cheekiest little bundle u could ever wish 4, so i guess what im tryin 2 say is as desperate as we are to have a certain sex of baby, when they finally arrive u 4get all that and love it no matter the sex.
good luck anyway!!!!

louisse28 · 10/01/2005 19:31

I have a boy aged 21 months, have just had a miscarriage and I'm honestly desperate for a girl sometime in the future. I wish I didn't want a girl this much, but all that pink girly clothes just get me so excited.
If I have a boy in the future it will be fine, but I'd be lying if there wouldn't be an element of dissapointment... Sorry, but it's true!!!

jane313 · 10/01/2005 19:56

I always wanted one of each and I too worry if i have another boy will I be disappointed especially as I didn't really enjoy a lot of the first few weeks/months of motherhood. It nice to read people that felt that way changed their mind quite quickly. I could never imagine caring when I had my first though; it was just a baby to me which didn't seem gender specific.

Stilltrue · 12/01/2005 19:06

I do think you love what you get! I have bbgb; dh admits he was briefly disappointed that ds2 wasn't a girl. (He had this fantasy "daddy's girl" in his mind's eye - gentle, cuddly, with soft bouncy hair etc!) Of course now we HAVE dd we aren't in the least concerned that she's a lively little tomboy who doesn't "do" pink, doesn't play nurturing games with dolls and teddies, or whatever it is that little girls are supposed to do. The wish for a daddy's girl reared its head again while we were waitng for ds3. Now that he's here he is of course the most adorable cuddliest cleverest handsomest child ever (all your little ones excepted of course!)

The only problem we have with 3 boys is that the naming of ds3 was a bit trickier, and we'll now never be able to use all those other girls' names we'd lined up...

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