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Parenting

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Original poster

If I don't get the gender I want, will I be disappointed?

72 replies

fuzzyfelt · 23/12/2004 22:03

I know that there are much more important things in life really, but I'm dying to know as it seems that no-one really talks about it - if you really want a baby boy or girl but get the opposite, are you disappointed? If so, how long does it last?

I have 2DDs and would possibly like a 3rd baby at some stage. However, I would really like a 3rd baby to be a boy - only because I have girls already. I don't think that I want a third just because I want a boy but if I did have a third, I would want it to be a boy, IYSWIM. Anyway, I feel that I would be disappointed if I had another girl (which I know is a shallow really) so would appreciate any wisdom!

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Gwenick · 23/12/2004 22:36

Galaxy - I grew up knewing I was an 'accident' but can't say it's ever affected me much. My parents had no plans for a no.2 and certainly not while Dad was in the merchant navy so mum had the coil fitted.........6 weeks later she was pg.

Dreams · 23/12/2004 22:36

fuzzyfelt i know exactly where your coming from as i had the disappointment (at 20 wk scan) by the answer to that is no it does ot last i got used to the idea after a few days and loved the idea i was having a boy.....hes my son and i adore him xx

dawniejinglebellbop1 · 23/12/2004 22:38

Lockets - I agree.

I'd love another baby and would be absolutley ecstatic if it were a boy, delighted if it were a girl, overjoyed if it were a boy, overwhelmed if it were a girl.

I just want another baby !!

Time to put my naughty knickers on

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Festivepussy · 23/12/2004 22:40

I didnt want a girl the thought of pink revolted me and I just didnt want a girl...after 23 hours in labour out popped...a girl...I handed her to dp and said "Better Luck Next Time" thinking OMG what am I gonna do with that. I fell asleep immediately (id been awake for 36 hours) and in the morning when they brought DD to me I was overwhelmed about how cute and cuddly and absoultly mine she was and how it was going to be me and her forever.
I felt embarresed and shameful about my thoughts and words the night before, still do actually, but ive never wished she were a boy.
I now have 2 dds and my familys complete. No need, want or desire for a ds.

lockets · 23/12/2004 22:41

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Original poster

fuzzyfelt · 23/12/2004 22:41

How many children have you got already Dawniejinglebellpop1? Love all these Xmas names!

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dawniejinglebellbop1 · 23/12/2004 22:44

I have a beautiful DD - Lucy - 15 months and I think its about time that number 2 was beckoning.

lockets · 23/12/2004 22:47

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Dreams · 23/12/2004 22:48

i have 1 ds 2yrs 3 months and i had a mc 2 months ago so would have had no 2 in july but now it will be a bit later...

Gobbledigoose · 23/12/2004 22:48

No. I had ds3 in August and while I spent a few days afterwards thinking 'I'll never have a girl now, I'll never buy pink etc' it soon wore off and at no point was I ever disappointed to have ds3. I was utterly thrilled.

Going through a mini-mourning for the sex you won't have is different from being 'disappointed' with having all boys/all girls iyswim.

4 months on I can't imagine anything better than having 3 boys and I'm just so looking forward to all the years I'll have of muddy boots and raucous shouting and laughter!

Joolstide · 23/12/2004 22:54

evening GDG - just think of all those shirts you'll have to iron - arrrgggghhhh

did you know there's been a couple of kafuffles on here and WE weren't involved - incredible!

lockets · 23/12/2004 22:56

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SnowmAngeliz · 23/12/2004 23:35

With dd they didn't tell me and i thougt it was a boy.
When she was born there was a bit of a panic at the end and she didn't cry immediately and they whisked her to clear her airways, it was only when we heard she was o.k that we said,............"what is it?"

With this one, i've been told it's a girl but know they can be wrong. TBH, when they said it was a girl i was over the moon but it crossed my mind, oh i'll have to have another one now aswell!!!(for a boy-even though i don't think like that)

I'll be ecstatic with a healthy baby and as Gobbledigoose so eloquently put it, i'm sure if i have a boy, i'll have a little sadness to myself for the girl i thought i was having but i'm sure i'd also be overjoyed at a little boy.

misdee · 23/12/2004 23:45

you know what annoys me? is people assuming that i want a boy this time, a si have 2 wonderful dd's already. it is driving me nuts. I just want a healthy baby, i am not fussed at all!

turquey · 24/12/2004 00:18

With ds I was fairly sure he was a boy from the start but would have been happy with either. I badly wanted another boy next time (had 2 brothers and really didn't think I'd know what to do with a girl) and kept hoping even though I'd seen pretty clearly on the scan that she was a girl. I was disappointed for maybe an hour after she was born, then besotted beyond belief. Wouldn't change her for anything.

Tinker · 24/12/2004 00:30

Am convinced this one is a boy and must admit, do feel a pang of anxiety about that. But then really wanted a boy first time, got a girl and can't imagine having a boy at all.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 24/12/2004 08:49

I was very disappointed when I found out DS2 was a boy. I found out on a growth scan about 3 days before I had him so I had a little while to get used to it It didn't last long. Once they snuggle up to you and start feeding, it doesn't seem to matter but I do still "mourn" the fact that I won't have a DD.

PamiNativity · 24/12/2004 09:03

A very timely thread. I have 2 dd's, which is exactly what I wanted (obviously would have been happy with boys too!) and am expecting no 3 in July. I would actually quite like another girl (there, I've admitted it now) mainly because of fear of the unknown boy factor! However, I'm much more relaxed about it than I was with either of my other pregnancies, because I always wanted 2 dds and I figure that I can't always get exactly what I want. I know I will love a boy just as much (once I've worked out those tricky nappy changes). Like Misdee, I know that people think we want a boy now, as if there's something wrong with having 3 of the same sex. No way - this is not a third attempt at a boy.

midnightmass · 24/12/2004 09:14

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Ponka · 24/12/2004 10:11

I think a lot of people harbour secret wishes for a baby of one sex or the other. They are feelings that can't really be helped and as long as there are no words exchanged or much worse, physical action, I don't think there's any harm and no point in feeling guilty about them. When I first got pregnant, I quite wanted my ds to be a girl but now I am soooo glad he turned out to be who he is and wouldn't change him for anything. He is the best. I think that chosing to find out at the scan gave me plenty of time to adjust my feelings and I just kind of knew that I was having a boy, too. Once I'm ready for number 2, I don't think I'll have much of a preference at all.

xmashampermunker · 24/12/2004 10:29

Before I got pg, I wanted a dd. But as soon as I saw the blue line, I wanted a ds - I knew he was a boy. I went for the 20-week scan and had no desire to 'find out' - what was the point when I knew what I was having? When he was born, without looking at the crucial part(!), I thought 'there he is'. I cannot imagine having a DD (think nappy changes must be a lot trickier with a girl for some reason PamiNativity! Boys are great - wipe the bits you see and he's clean (avoid sprinkler...!)).

I must confess that the idea I could be carrying a girl made me feel a bit peculiar. I'll be interested to see how I feel if there's a next time - will I have the same strong feeling of gender I had this time and if I believe it's a DD will I mind the idea of a boy?

I love having my boy - he's wonderful, better than I could ever have imagined having a child would be.

SnowmAngeliz · 24/12/2004 10:31

It's amazing how guilty we all feel for wanting one or the other.
I actually started a thread yesterday about how often they're wrong at scans when they say the sex. When i read this thread title i thought someone was having a pop at me!!!

Jimjambells · 24/12/2004 11:44

I think you're right fuzzyfelt it matters more before the birth than afterwards.

Am due to have number 3 anyday now. Have 2 ds's already and scan has shown that its a boy. Both dh and I had a fleeting "oh shit" when the sonographer told us (which interestingly was fleeting for me but much longer for dh- think he still feels it at times). However NOT because of the gender- but because autism is 4 times more likely in a boy than a girl and so I know we'll be watching this one more closely than if it was a girl. Having said that we know plenty of autistic girls- we just felt that a girl would give a little more leeway (also ds2 had a speech disorder- again much more common in boys- so we've kind of resigned ourselves to thinking that this one will definitely have some sort of speech and /or langauge problem- whereas I think we would assume a girl would be fine). Having said all that a spech disorder wouldn't bother me at all, a language disorder would more and severe autism would big time- I think that's all we're really worried about that our risk of severe autism is 4 times higher than if we were having a girl.

The boy bit doesn't bother me at all though. I like boys. Anyway will find out soon whether the scan was correct.....

cranberryjampot · 24/12/2004 11:49

I really wanted ds to be a girl so I could call her Madelaine but it wasnt to be (found out at 20 week scan). Soon came round to the idea though. There are soooo many nicer girls names than boys IMO.

xmashampermunker · 24/12/2004 11:53

We found that, Jampot - only really liked one boys name (first and middle), but had an armful of girls names. Made for less of a fight after the birth though

Having said that, since we've had DS, I do like a few more boys names - but none of those would've been right for my beautiful DS.

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