Feeling so guilty

[Honeybeebuzz]

Having a rough morning with my 4 year old and 1 year old. 4 year spilled a full bowl of cereal on the sofa and i lost it, then he refused to brush his teeth and i shouted, when trying to get out the door he went up stairs to get toys and i just walked out to put the baby in the car, i heard 4 year old yelling thinking id left him but just continued sorting baby. When I went back to the house he was very upset and took a while to calm down. I feel terrible, im suffering with PNA but thats not an excuse. Sometimes i just feel pushed to the point of being able to keep calm and then feel incredibly guilty afterwards. Any similar? Any suggestions to help? Im waiting for CBT through GP

It’s tough with two, especially when you need to get out of the house. You already have PNA so I’m not going to add to your stress, but making a toddler think you’ve left him behind is harsh.

I try to parent as if someone is always watching me. I wouldn’t lose it at my child whilst outside in front of others, so I use the same approach at home.

Also, why is your toddler having cereal on the sofa in the first place? If they’re going to eat in the living room, can they not use a coffee / side table?

We all have shouty mum moments, don't beat yourself up. Some days it's really hard to keep your shit together when all your buttons are being pressed repeatedly.

You apologise to your child, reassure them that you would never leave him in the house by himself and make a mental note to not allow bowls of cereal on the sofa.

I’m learning more and more that most parents have these moments!! It doesn’t make you a bad mum or a bad person. You just try to do better next time.

I found each child being 3/4 really difficult, hang in there it does eventually get easier.

sending lots of love and calmness in the meantime xx

1 and 4 are a really hard combo. Best advice I got was to leave bags more time then you think you’ll need for EVERYTHING! I spent some time looking at the times of the day I got cross and it was nearly always because of a lack of time. Getting out of the house, getting food ready, getting ready for bed etc I start everything so much earlier now and I found it a lot less stressful.

Also, spilling cereal on the sofa etc make them eat up at the table if you have one. It’s much easier to clean up and contain mess. I used to have no energy for these battles but I did a parenting course where they forced consistency as a key message. All the things I’d been avoiding because I didn’t have the energy were actually the things that forced routine and did make life easier. It was short term pain for long term gain. Start with small changes and build up.

Finally, is there anyone who can help, even for a morning or a coffee or a play date… you may not feel like it but it helps to kill the day and I felt much more ‘normal’ after spending time with other people most of the time.

Yes i apologised and reassured him straight away that i hadnt left just was putting baby in the car, lots of hugs and kisses etc i was dropping him at a kids club so now feeling guilty he's away from me and could be feeling bad about what happened.

The sofa was my fault, we usually eat at the table but i was keeping an eye on the baby and didn't correct him. Things usually go wrong when we are in a rush so ill try to allow more time

Everyone loses it sometimes. You apologised and reassured your child.
Don't beat yourself up about it or be guilt tripped by mumsnet saint mothers (who I don't really believe exist in real life!)