Breastfeeding at night HELP ME

[Helpmewean]

I’m losing my fucking mind. My 12 month old keeps waking up and won’t stay settled unless she’s attached to my boob. I cannot feed her all night long and I don’t know what to do because she screams the entire street down if I try and swap my boob for a dummy. My husband has just taken her downstairs to see if she’ll sleep on him whilst he sits on the sofa because I’m at my wits end, but that feels so unfair because he’s not getting to sleep now.
I’m not a good sleeper anyway, I can’t sleep whilst she suckles away like I’m a dairy cow, and I didn’t have this with my first as he was formula fed so I really need some advice please 😭 I’m so tired.

My first was like this! She stopped when I started to give her a bottle of cows milk before bed and then suddenly, after a couple of weeks, she suddenly started to sleep through. It seemed to happen all of a sudden, but it was linked - I’m sure - to weaning her off the boob just before bed.

my son was totally different - never really breastfed for long stretches like my DD and made me realise that she was in fact just using me as a dummy!

I think you might try the cows milk / supper (maybe a small square of toast as a distraction?) before bed whilst you read a book? But then, perhaps, it might just take a few very difficult nights to break the cycle! Give it a week or two and see if it helps maybe.

if not, I’m afraid it might just be a case of comforting her with a quick cuddle or a pat and then leaving her to cry it out. I know some might be against that - and I know it’s hard - but sometimes needs must! I read somewhere it can take 2 weeks to break a habit with a little one… so be prepared for a few bad nights… but it won’t last forever!

good luck OP, whatever you decide to do. It’s not easy stopping breastfeeding when they don’t want to! Xxx

If DS feeds to sleep the entire night is a write off. No advice, been trying to settle him since 3am, he has woken the whole house.

My 14 month old was the same until a couple of weeks ago.

I stopped feeding to sleep. I started with naps and fed her downstairs before I took her up to bed. 50% of the time she’d have a whinge in her cot then fall asleep and 50% of the time she’d scream and I’d go back in and cuddle her to sleep. When she was used to it we started with night time. Again I fed her downstairs where it was light and noisy, then took her up. She still cries sometimes so I go back in and cuddle her to sleep as I can’t leave her to cry.
Since I’ve stopped feeding to sleep though she’s gone from waking every 1.5-2 hours to waking once occasionally twice in the night. I still feed her to sleep in the middle of the night.

Good luck’

My second I had to stop feeding to sleep because otherwise he wanted to constantly have boob during the night.
My 12 month old I give him supper before bed sometimes to stop him waking from hunger during the night.

You’re finding this hard because it is hard. There might not be a magic solution because babies and toddlers can become very attached to the breast because it is meeting so many of their needs (it’s not just about food) it offers them security, familiarity, help getting to sleep, regulating their heart rate and body temperature, antibodies if they’re ill.

So firstly just know that you’re doing an important job. Secondly, I know how hard it can be and feel unsustainable. It helped me to know there were many others mums out there going through the same thing. and if you meet these mums you can chat about what can help reduce night feeding.

Could you see if there is a local bf support group in your area? https://abm.me.uk/find-a-local-breastfeeding-support-group/ there is also the Breastfeeding Network and La Leche league depending on where you are in the Uk.

If you can’t get along to a group then the National Breastfeeding Helpline offer support via phone and Instragram & Facebook messenging http://www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk/ the volunteers are all mums who have breastfed and trained as peer supporter. I am one of them. Best of luck.

Also if you’re on Instagram these accounts might be useful:

https://www.instagram.com/olivia_lactation_consultant?igsh=MXQyNGEwdHlqanFoMg==

https://www.instagram.com/emmapickettibclc?igsh=aWFvNTN0d2xuYWpi

I am in the same boat. 13 months, wakes 2-3 times a night and will fall asleep on hubby only to wake on being pit down, repeatedly, until given milk. I'm back at work and struggling. She also doesn't eat well solids wise which is a whole other issue and won't take a bottle so no chance of supper or cows milk bottle being used for us!
We're going to try daddy doing the initial getting to sleep with me hiding out in another room somewhere to see if that helps.... I just can't face the crying it out option that people keep recommending to me.

Could you try some gentle night weaning?

Thank you everyone you’ve made me feel a lot less alone in this ❤️

My DS is the same. 13 months. I'm jealous of those who've had success with no longer feeding to sleep. That helped with my DD but has made absolutely no difference for DS. He now self settles completely alone in his room with no tears and I settle him without boobs through his first 5 or 6 wake ups (gets me to 1am). He still wakes hourly if on his own and hourly or every two hours if I bring him in to my bed, occasionally a 3 hour stint. The only thing that helps me is calling my DH to take him at some point between 4.30 and 6.30 depending on how terrible the night has been. I have now accepted that since I am never going to leave him to scream I will just have to wait for things to improve. After I was able to improve things with my DD I thought parents could always gently improve their baby's sleep. I have learnt with DS that is not always the case. Some of them just are awful sleepers.

Have you tried joining the beyond sleep training Facebook group? They are good for advice. They helped me realise that my daughter’s sleep problems were caused by a tongue tie. She had it snipped at 8 months which helped with eating solids and sleep. No idea how she didn’t destroy me like her brother did with his.