Feel like a shit mum

[ikealuvrx]

3weeks post partum with DS2, I have 25mo DS.

im not enjoying breastfeeding now. I just want to be able to have my body to myself and it’s only 3 weeks in :/ the cluster feeding really gets to me. Not mentioning the guilt I feel sitting there when my toddler had asked me to come and play - I do go and try to play whilst feeding the baby but it’s hard when he’s doing a jigsaw on the floor for example

i feel so lazy like I spend some days feeling like I’m just trying to get through with minimal chaos ? We go on a walk at least once in the day , we haven’t been anywhere crazy public wise just shops restraunts , parks, national trusts etc

i judt feel guilt I haven’t done any messy play activity type stuff when we’re in, I get DS1 involved in chores when I can I let him independent play but he’s also only just getting to the age where he has a bigger attention span for activities so I want to look into what I can do

he does go to nursery a few days a week

i just feel guilty and like I’ve slowed down and lost my flow a bit

I imagine losing your flow a bit with a toddler and newborn is completely normal! It sounds to me like you’re doing a bloody brilliant job and are being extremely hard on yourself. You sound like an excellent Mum. Please be kind to yourself, you’re getting out every day, getting your eldest to nursery, 3 weeks PP, keeping life going for everyone, yet you’re beating yourself up about not doing more?! There’s no way you can possibly say you’re lazy!

FWIW I didn’t do messy play (apart from puddles and water) with my two until they were about 5. Call me a terrible mother if you like, I just couldn’t handle the mess or paints etc on top of the usual mess but they did plenty at nursery. They’re unscarred so far.

You are NOT a shit mum.

I always feel this way with a newborn and one or more toddlers. Everyone tells me, as kindly as they can, that I'm being ridiculous. I'm sure they're wrong.

It's HARD. You need to rest and recover. Your beloved children will both be fine and you're doing a great job in everything apart from the way in which you're talking to yourself.

So now I've told you. And you probably won't believe me, like I didn't believe anyone who told me. But go gently and it'll start to feel easier. And one day you'll realise you did a great job.

Oh sweetheart. Three weeks in is BRUTAL. The cluster feeding, it's awful. I felt like they were sucking me dry. Just that feeling of always being touched, and leaking and bleeding. Actually surprised me second time round how awful it was, I'd obviously blocked it out!

Did you breastfeed your first? If so, you'll know this is the worst bit. Get that six week growth spurt out of the way, your supply will regulate and the feeding will be infinitely easier, and continue to get easier as the baby tends towards a routine. If this is your first time, trust me, it will get so much easier.

As for the toddler, seriously, sack off the messy play etc until you're back on your feet. They'll be fine. Only do activities that actually make your life easier (like the park as that'll tire him out). Messy play and the like are so much faff, leave that to nursery. If you can afford it don't be afraid to up the nursery days either while you get through these early days.

Is your partner supportive? Don't be afraid to ask for what you need - take the toddler out so you can chill with the baby, hold the baby in the evening so you have your body to yourself for a bit, whatever it is.

Seriously, you're doing a brilliant job. It's just Really. Fucking. Hard.

Crikey I remember this time being so so hard. I remember an 8am sos to family to help. It is also the reason I went to bottle feeding. Ds was such a good feeder I do slightly regret not pushing through. But breastfeeding is such a complete bugger for bringing on the guilt. You're almost damned if you do damned if you don't. Find yourself a good playgroup op where your eldest can play and you can drink free tea.

Thank you everyone :( it’s my first time ebf, I formula fed DS so this is all new to me

and yeah messy play I’ve always kind of enjoyed nursery doing more of as he has had quite the short attention span , it’s a bit longer now but I the past the activities eould end within 5 mins with mess everywhere and more being spread around as I try to tide up! So I took a back seat as it just seemed more stressful than developmental. I also just prefer to get out the house in nature more, splashing in puddles , looking at plants and flowers , we go the beach and he loves the sand :)

but I feel social media (which I need to fob off if it’s making me feel this way) I just see so many stay at home messy play tuff tray activities and it makes me feel like a tit mum that I haven’t got a tuff tray set up
also need to realise people can just put this stuff out there and not show if their kid actually did it or just tipped it and walked away lol. We only post our best points I get this

DH is very supportive he’s pretty much handled our toddler and I handled newborn as I’m EBF, and he cuddles baby , changes his nappy as he can only do anything other than feed him. So he’s amazing a great help!

and has took charge of pretty much everything as I had. A c section so still can’t drive either

It sounds like you're doing great. Both of your children are fed, clothed, warm, and safe. You're really in the thick of it - it will get so much easier.