Ending co sleeping with 4 year old

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Our son turns 4 soon and has co slept with me since around 4 weeks old. We did try a bit of sleep training when he was around 2 but he was really distraught and we absolutely were and are not interested in any crying it out.

We have in the last few days done up his room, new bed, mattress, bedding etc - all his choice. He was super enthusiastic and excitable, then after his shower tonight went “hmmm, I think I want to sleep in mummy’s bed”, so he is. I’m not keen to force it.

We spoke and he said he’s scared of the dark and when it’s dark he’s worried about monsters. He’s got fairy lights wrapped round the bed frame and a night light too, but it doesn’t seem to matter.

What would you do at this point without causing upset?

I'd try him in his bed and you stay in the room with him until he falls asleep

I know this is not very helpful but my children never co slept with us . It was never an option. My granddaughter is 4 and it’s fair to say that her parents are having the same problem. Maybe just be firm and deal with a few hideous nights 🤦‍♀️

Oh yes, this was our intention. Both his dad and I suggested we get in with him but when it came to bed time he wasn’t keen.

So we started co sleeping out of desperation because he wouldn’t spend more than 10 mins in his own crib, but would sleep for hours next to me in bed!

We have another now and at 9 weeks he is (fingers crossed) still fairly happy in his own bed next to us.

If I’m honest I have loved co sleeping with him, I love knowing he’s happy and safe next to me at night. But, he’s starting school this year and I just think it’d be nice for him to use his own room and enjoy his own bed. I’d also like to be able to have a cuddle with DP at night for the first time in years!!

We had a small cot bed mattress on the floor right beside our bed, with pillow and blanket. If the kids woke in the night they could come and crash on that so they were next to us but not wriggling in our bed. Worked well as a transition, to start with they would come every night but gradually they spent more and more in their own bed. One child lingered so we did stickers for staying in their bed till Mr sun appeared on the gro clock, set to 4am to start with then gradually moved later...! Good luck with whatever you try.

Just spotted 9 week old, may complicate things if he's feeling a little rejected/displaced by the new baby...

Our children never slept with us - we had a big house, 5 dbedrooms - we had the kids in the room net to use - before the days of tv moniotie/gadgets galore - we left their door slight open as well as ours and stairs light on

now we have grandchildren, one of them was six before mum move out of the bedroom, now leave nigh light on - I guess with a 4 year old tell them once asleep you will go to your bedroom, havemonor and night lights on, within a week he will get used to t

Age is just a number and if you're happy for him to stay and he wants to, what's the harm?

However, if you are ready for him to be out, fair enough! We had to kick my 3.5yo out when his baby sister arrived as I didn't want to co sleep with 2 as it didn't feel safe for the newborn baby.

Things that helped:

Lying with him in his bed and having extra story time.

Sticker and reward chart.

Tony Box.

An "owl clock" that turns yellow when it's time to get up.

Letting him pick out new bedding (he chose Frozen!)

Some nights he still sleeps with us and he always comes in in the morning, but I don't push it as I'm happy with it for now.

@Anonymumphous I know - this is also a concern, but I’m not sure there will ever be a right time since baby will likely be in our room for another 6 months to a year!

When our second one was born, the first suddenly wanted to sleep closer. Moved the toddler mattress into our room and he slept fine there. Trying to move him out when you have a new baby is a tricky time as his whole world just turned upside down. Can you fit a toddler mattress anywhere?

Probably unpopular opinion but I don't think you should worry about age being the the main factor. He is still little and if you are happy to carry on, then there is nothing wrong with enjoying it until he feels ready to sleep on his own. I co slept with with my children until very recently (age 9 & 10) and we stopped because the bed isn't big enough anymore.

What would I do? I'd let him keep sleeping in with me until he's ready to sleep alone. But I'm writing this snuggled up in bed with my 1yo, 4yo and DH. I was literally thinking earlier tonight that there's surely no greater happiness than cosleeping in a big family bed 🥰
If you want to start getting him to sleep in his bed, though, rather than just feeling societal pressure that you should, we often let DS fall asleep in our bed and then carry him down to his bed. Sometimes he stays there a few hours and then comes back up to us; sometimes he sleeps through until the morning and just comes into our bed for a cuddle then.
I wouldn't rush it though. He's not still going to want to sleep with you when he's 16!

I suppose I’m not against this idea. I would like the space but I do enjoy being close to him! I’m worried he’ll never feel ready to move to his room without our encouragement but I suppose he will!

DH and I co slept with our two boys until they were 6 and 3yrs. Massive family bed, everyone had their own space.

when we moved them to their own room we:

took advantage of a natural break ie at the end of a summer holiday (we often spent 6 weeks away)
played a lot of musical beds for a while
had a mattress in their room for us to snooze on

they are 16 and 14 now and I don’t regret a moment of the cosleeping years. Not a nanosecond. It seems like forever when it’s happening but it will come to an end.

Don’t worry, he definitely won’t want to sleep with you forever 😂.

I co sleep between a now 2yo and 5yo (reception year). Ds5 came back in with me when dd was 2 weeks old. From what I hear in the playground, a fair few 5yo are still in with parents.

We co sleep in ds room, on a floor bed, next to his real bed. He is suddenly trying to sleep alone (me and dd in her room), made it until 4.30 last night! We got plush battery operated stars that change colour all night recently as ds was insistent that his room was dark and scary (despite night light and grow clock), he loves them...

I'm also getting dd less reliant on me v slowly. Purely because I have to start overnight overseas work trips (5ish nights) again at the end of the year, and dp, their dad, doesn't produce milk (still breastfeeding dd). If it weren't for ds waking at 5-6 every day, I'd have no issue with the co sleeping.

I think with such a new sibling it isn't the time right now really. But you can lay the groundwork, explore whether there's anyscary shadows etc in his room with the nightlight on.

Out of any time in the last 4 years, I think this is NOT the time to try to get him out of your own room. I think you'll have to wait at least a year tbh or it might end with a lot of resentment for the new baby and him feeling 'replaced' (not unreasonably as he will have been replaced in your room).

Honestly, I'd just let him decide each night, or maybe bring his mattress onto your floor.