Is this PND or just expected?

Sneez · 2024-02-10T19:23:01+00:00

I’m not sure how or what quite to say but I’m wondering if I have PND perhaps. I had a baby last year and at the same time my Dad became terminally ill which was very unexpected and escalated quickly, he has since passed away and it’s been so sad. Grief has taken me by surprise I guess, I almost think about my Dad more now than I ever did in some strange way. I have up and downs but I recognise that I am almost always irritable as hell, some days I feel quite flat and I have a sense of guilt and resentment that this time with my new baby has been so different from what I imagined. But I do have enjoyable moments and in those I think ahh I’m fine! I can tell my husband is feeling worn down by me and my constant irritableness and that’s making me feel pretty glum too. Is this just bereavement and the stages of grief or is there more to it such as PND?

sleephelpp · 10/02/2024 19:37

So sorry for your loss might be worth making an appointment with GP to talk it through x

CadyEastman · 10/02/2024 20:10

Could be combined with grief?

Could you call PANDAS Foundation to talk through the possibility of PND with them.

Agree too that it's time to see the GP. Losing your DF can be tough, I can't imagine how tough that was combined with being a new Mum

JollyHostess101 · 10/02/2024 20:17

I could of written your post!

I have ups and downs in obviously on the HV possible PND list as she calls every month and I get the same questionnaire!

I don’t think mine is PND I just get completely overwhelmed sometimes and have to remind myself what a bloody turbulent time I had to the start of my Mat leave (dad diagnosed on day 4 of it and passed away when baby was 13 weeks) it’s only now I’m feeling like I’ve begun to enjoy my Mat leave.

I did reach out to the GP over Christmas and was given details for self referral for grief counselling should I feel I need it and it was great to off load that I was feeling overwhelmed to someone who is t my husband!!

CadyEastman · 10/02/2024 20:19

I found grief counselling to very really good too jolly. It really helped to talk to, and cry in front of, someone who didn't know my DF or me.

Superscientist · 10/02/2024 20:25

I'm sorry for your loss. You don't need to know the label to reach out. Grief, pnd probably a mix of the two and some days grief is more prominent than the pnd other days the opposite.

Reaching out to your GP or HV might be worth doing. My HV put me in touch with a parenting group for people with post partum mental illness and they were really helpful. They might know of resources for bereaved new mums. It will be a time when loses are felt more even when they aren't a recent.

The thing I wanted to say is when you are depressed it isn't every hour or every day. Friends and acquaintance will not have none when I have seen them when in bad episodes because some times I need to engage with the world and it's good to do so and it's like a temporary protective cover has been put over the ache in my body but it only lasts so long and then the depression returns. There are quite a few free mood monitoring apps out there that allow you to rate your mood and add a comment. It might help you work through how you mood ebbs and flows through the week and when grief and pnd are prominent

JollyHostess101 · 10/02/2024 20:29

@CadyEastman i was thinking about it the crazy first couple of months when mr and baby moved down and were away from husband to spend as much time as we could with him….. Husband has been great but he has both his parents still while I have neither now I think I’ll fill in the form later after this!!

Cocacolacarrie · 10/02/2024 20:34

I remember once being told that anger is another pent up and unreleased emotion. I suspect that grief is behind this. I lost a sibling and grief hit me for a long time afterwards. It also came out in rage and anger.

Having a new baby is hard in the best of times but you've been through one of the hardest things imaginable at the same time. Be kind to yourself. I agree with finding a professional to talk to and having counselling. It is good to have someone impartial to talk to about your feelings without any judgement.

Dogsandchocolaterule · 10/02/2024 20:34

Oh OP I can sympathise, I had my son and then my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Lost her 8 months later. It was so so shit.

She desperately wanted a grandchild, even turned my old room into to a nursery for him and he never got to enjoy it.

It is shit, it did make the baby phase harder, but it will get better, I promise.

And in a few years you little one will point at a picture of your dad and ask who is that? and you will get to tell them and reminisce.

I also had PND but I had that as soon as my baby was born, it went eventually though, when I went back to work after 10 months and I had some time away from my son for a few days a week I missed him and we bonded.

He is now 10 and we are closer than ever and he is like my little bestie

Original poster

Sneez · 11/02/2024 06:44

JollyHostess101 · 10/02/2024 20:17

I could of written your post!

I have ups and downs in obviously on the HV possible PND list as she calls every month and I get the same questionnaire!

I don’t think mine is PND I just get completely overwhelmed sometimes and have to remind myself what a bloody turbulent time I had to the start of my Mat leave (dad diagnosed on day 4 of it and passed away when baby was 13 weeks) it’s only now I’m feeling like I’ve begun to enjoy my Mat leave.

I did reach out to the GP over Christmas and was given details for self referral for grief counselling should I feel I need it and it was great to off load that I was feeling overwhelmed to someone who is t my husband!!

Am sorry you’re going through this also, it’s horrid. How long has it been since your Dad passed?
I have also been saying it’s not PND for me and genuinely thought that but it’s got to a point that I think maybe this is PND and I just want to feel more like myself again.
Good to hear you went to the GP and you had grief counselling, I hadn’t realised there was specific counselling for grief

OP posts:

Original poster

Sneez · 11/02/2024 06:48

Superscientist · 10/02/2024 20:25

I'm sorry for your loss. You don't need to know the label to reach out. Grief, pnd probably a mix of the two and some days grief is more prominent than the pnd other days the opposite.

Reaching out to your GP or HV might be worth doing. My HV put me in touch with a parenting group for people with post partum mental illness and they were really helpful. They might know of resources for bereaved new mums. It will be a time when loses are felt more even when they aren't a recent.

The thing I wanted to say is when you are depressed it isn't every hour or every day. Friends and acquaintance will not have none when I have seen them when in bad episodes because some times I need to engage with the world and it's good to do so and it's like a temporary protective cover has been put over the ache in my body but it only lasts so long and then the depression returns. There are quite a few free mood monitoring apps out there that allow you to rate your mood and add a comment. It might help you work through how you mood ebbs and flows through the week and when grief and pnd are prominent

Thank you, I needed to hear this - sometimes I appear and feel my normal happy self but internally I feel a bit low

OP posts:

Original poster

Sneez · 11/02/2024 06:54

Dogsandchocolaterule · 10/02/2024 20:34

Oh OP I can sympathise, I had my son and then my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Lost her 8 months later. It was so so shit.

She desperately wanted a grandchild, even turned my old room into to a nursery for him and he never got to enjoy it.

It is shit, it did make the baby phase harder, but it will get better, I promise.

And in a few years you little one will point at a picture of your dad and ask who is that? and you will get to tell them and reminisce.

I also had PND but I had that as soon as my baby was born, it went eventually though, when I went back to work after 10 months and I had some time away from my son for a few days a week I missed him and we bonded.

He is now 10 and we are closer than ever and he is like my little bestie

Oh no, I’m sorry, this must have been so incredibly hard for you. Am also thinking of going back to work and perhaps this will help also

OP posts:

JollyHostess101 · 11/02/2024 10:05

@Sneez he passed in September weirdly on the same date that my Mum passed away 5 years earlier as he only wanted me to think of it on one day- he completely went on his terms!

I’ve been super vigilant to the signs of PND but honestly I think it’s just a mix of sleep deprivation/new baby angst/grief a complete perfect storm! How my husband hasn’t left me I don’t know because I’ve been horrible at times almost selfish as I want to grieve but have this tiny person so I can’t wallow- that’s why the GP said grief counselling!

Whats really helped me is and I know it’s a cliche but we I try and get outside for at least 30mins every day headphones in and just walk since Ive been doing this I have felt a bit more of an even keel.

Also I stop writing to do lists but wrote down what we’d achieved that day and how it went as a whole just an emoji on my old shift work calendar!

My friend had excellent support from Pandas though so maybe give them a shout and sound them out!

Sending hugs!!