I hate complaining about a situation so many other people are in all over the world but I’ve reached a point where I feel everything has mounted up and I don’t know what the next step should be.
I split with my DD’s dad when she was 6 months after experiencing a lot of DV particularly during pregnancy. Was freelance so received statutory mat pay which was a struggle. Moved back to near my mum to help with childcare and have recently gone back into a freelance role 4x days per week. It involves commuting to london which is taking its toll as I have to get up pre 5am and take DD to my mums, then collect her around 8pm when back so messing her routine up. My mum is now massively complaining about looking after her so much as she’s tired too, but can’t get DD into childcare nearby as everything’s so booked up. She was meant to start at a nursery for 2 days a week in Jan and they closed at the eleventh hour. Regardless I can’t afford her to be at nursery 4 days per week! My mum also loses her patience easily and I’m worried she’s shouting at DD when I’m at work, gives me so much anxiety.
I’m sleeping about 4-5 hours per night as by the time I’ve put DD to bed I have to spend an hour or so cleaning before logging back on to finish work and then it begins again, I don’t really see many friends that much for obvious reasons and I feel disgusting as I can’t afford or have time for any self care. People keep suggesting I should be dating, I have no idea how I’ll ever do that.
I also feel I am becoming so burnt out that I am not being the best parent. For example, if DD doesn’t finish her food and wants something sweet I just give in as I don’t have the energy anymore.
I love my DD with all my heart and I don’t want to be anything else than the best mum to her and I feel like I’m failing.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, please be gentle if you can as I am really struggling with this. Thank you in advance. X