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Original poster

Giving up dummy at 3.9 years old - realistically how do you do it?

36 replies

LuLu15 · 22/03/2008 12:27

My 3.9 year old daughter is giving up her dummy after receiving easter eggs tomorrow night. She's been doing without it in the day apart from naps since September last year and that was quite easy but she is absolutely addicted to it at night and relies on it to get to sleep. Has anyone been in the same position. I don't want to hear 'oh it was the easiest thing and they never asked for it again' because realistically this isn't going to happen. The other thing is that up till now she has slept 12 hours straight without trouble and I don't want to give her sleep problems now that her routine is so sorted. Yes I know it's sounding like my issue, maybe it is and I know we have to go cold turkey it's the only way but is it hell on earth?

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AlwaysTheMummy · 22/03/2008 14:07

My son was 3.5 when he gave up his dummy, he gave it to santa in exchange for some dinosaurs. He was very attached to his dummy very much like your daughter, but i'm sorry to say it was surprisingly easy, he asked for it a few nights in a row after xmas but we just reminded him that santa had it, we didnt have any tantrums, your daughter could well surprise you. I don't know if it helped but my son had a blanket too which he has when he goes to bed.

I hope she gets on well without it xx

Spoo · 22/03/2008 14:09

LuLu - would love to hear how you go as I have similar situation with my DS1. He is only just 3 though. I have never plucked up the courage.

Pannacotta · 22/03/2008 14:10

My 3 year old DS also has a dummy (which I have never been wild about but it does seem to comfort him). I am hoping he will give it up of his own accord so am not pressing it. COuld you try this with yout daughter? Is there any particular reason she needs to give it up right now? Think cold turkey might be hard work if your DD is anything like my DS....

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kbaby · 22/03/2008 22:29

Hi,

My daughter stopped using her dummy just before her 3rd birthday. We tried giving her dummy to the easter bunny but she got too upset. I got the tip from a fellow mumsnetter, We cut the teat off the top of all the dummies but gave them to her as normal. She put it in her mouth and said they were broken, so matter of fact I said well put it in the bin and ill have to buy you a new one. Of course I avoided any shops for a week and by then DD had forgotten all about it.
At bedtime I spent longer with her and I did offer the dummy with the hole in but she took a few sucks and didnt bother.
It was a relatively painless way to do it and it meant that she decided not to have one so I didnt get any of the cryingor begging for a dummy.
Would recommend you give it a go.

singyswife · 22/03/2008 22:33

HI both of my dd's gave up their dummies just before starting nursery (they both had night time buddies too but I dont know if that makes a difference), anyway we left the dunny on the door step with a note for the dummy fairy to come and take it away for the baby faries, the fairy left a note on the doorstep for the children with some pennies to buy something nice for themselves. I hate to say it but it was that easy. They obviously asked a couple of times but when they were told about the baby faries having it they were delighted. I sprinkled some fairy dust in dd2;s bedroom so she beleived that the dummy fairy had been in and taken away all of her dummies.

notnowbernard · 22/03/2008 22:37

If she only has it at night, it's not an issue at any other time, why give it up?

It's obviously a comfort object for her... you wouldn't take away a teddy bear so why take away a dummy?

dd1 was just 3 when she decided to give hers up

lucylala · 22/03/2008 22:56

err, my daughter has a dummy at night and she's 4.3yrs !! eek!! just can't face going through taking it off her.

We've been doing it in stages, no dummy at playschool, no dummy in shops, no dummy at grandmas and now we've got it down to no dummy unless it's for bedtime or she's ill. (However, she's been really ill for 2 wks so now she's back to walking round with dummy 24hrs a day!)

We tried at xmas to give her dummy to santa and she got so hysterical at bedtime that we ended up giving in. Think we've decided now that she'll give it up on her own accord eventually...(crosses fingers, is very embarassed)

Pannacotta · 22/03/2008 23:00

I think when it is such a comfort thing then its seems kinder to let them give it up when they choose, after all it is something children DO grow out of, you dont see adults chewing on dummies...

Novacane · 22/03/2008 23:09

My DS 3.11 has a dummy and would walk around with it 24/7 given a choice.

he relied on it so much as a baby, as it reduced his severe reflux symptoms, that we have never had the heart to deny him of it.

he doenst have one at nursery, but we are still working on the rest of the time :-)

He has speech and language issues, so wouldnt understand properly if we said we were giving it to a fairy i dont think TBH, and i'm not in a rush to deny him of it, it's his security and makes him feel safe.

But i'm a soft touch as i'm 27 and still suck my thumb, so means I may have some security issues of my own lol

TheGoddessBlossom · 23/03/2008 20:25

DS1 gave his dummy to a policeman (a friend's hubby, came round in full uniform, what a love) in exchange for a much wanted toy. In hindsight I wouldn't have done it on his birthday as he cried himself to sleep without it (I'm Berry sad mummy berry sad) He didn't even want the dummy back, he was just so used to having it as a sleep prop he couldn't seem to drop off without it but he didn't know why. He did off course go to sleep eventually, but only after we left the landing light on, which he had never asked for before. So he now has a night light, so has exchanged one comfort thing for another, but that's fine. He settled perfectly well by the third night and his sleep pattern wasn't affected at all...

HTH

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/03/2008 21:26

We took DS's away and when he asked for it we pretended to search everywhere for it. Along the way he found little treats like a new night glow teddy and once he had found something else to take to bed he didnt really ask for it. He remembered a couple of days later and we said we couldnt find it and he never asked again.

I agree though, if its mainly night time use and its causing no problems then i wouldnt worry too much about still having it.

I stressed for about a month before we decided to do it and it was far far less painful than I imagined so she may surprise you.

Chipstick · 23/03/2008 21:36

Like many of the other posts, our DS is 4.3 and has gradually reduced his reliance on his dummy over the last 6mths and now it only appears at bedtime when he asks for it.

He puts it in and instantly his eyes roll and he just looks adorable - its his comfort, helps him sleep and nobody sees it but me and DH. Our DD7 still has her blanket at bedtime too - god we were going to be soooooo strict when planing on having kids, where did it all go wrong anything for an easy life.....and a full nights sleep!

81sharonb · 23/03/2008 21:56

Hi my son only got rid of his dummy at christmas and he will be 4 in july. He too let rudolph have it after leaving it out on christmas eve. That night he was fine and the next morning we made a right song and dance about it. we even wrote him a letter from rudolph thanking him for the dummy. We did have a couple of night where he did cry for his dummy back. Persevere and you will get there. By the new year he had forgotten all about his dummy and never has since

Original poster

LuLu15 · 24/03/2008 15:44

Thank you everyone for your advice. D- day is here and we have cut all the teats off the dummies so that there is no going back! I'm scared but hopefully it will go better than expected! We have told dd that the fairies came and took all the dummies for her new baby auntie and new cousin due in June so I think she understood that but it's not bedtime yet! We have resigned ourselves to a sleepless couple of nights so anything better and it'll be a bonus! We've said she can have a new Dora kitted out bedroom in exchange for a dummy so she's getting a good deal out of it. Will update you all tomorrow on how it went - that's assuming I will be awake enough to type!

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Spoo · 24/03/2008 16:23

Good luck Lulu. Hope it goes well.

hermykne · 24/03/2008 16:27

kbaby - how mean - cutting the top off but great idea

Original poster

LuLu15 · 25/03/2008 09:22

Well - after an hour of solid crying, screaming and shouting mummy dd finally went to sleep and apart from a bit of crying in the night was fine. I suspect she sucked her thumb but it was better than what I thought. However, she came into our bedroom this morning at 7 saying I want my dodi, I want my dodi. Tonight could well be worse than last night. At least we've made the break.

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Spoo · 25/03/2008 09:57

WEll done Lulu - let us know how it goes tonight.

Spoo · 26/03/2008 20:02

How you doing Lulu?

Original poster

LuLu15 · 26/03/2008 20:13

Hi - last night began with the screaming again but then was ok until 10.30 ish. She began screaming hysterically and only calmed down when dh went in and lay with her for a while. She then went to sleep until 7.45 this morning which was a bonus as we're on holiday this week. She was also in a good mood on waking. Also for the first time she fell asleep in the car on the way back from my parents without a dummy. Tonight she has gone down v well and is now singing herself to sleep! Anyone wanting to get rid of the dummy should do it. It is worth it even if your sleep is broken a bit. I feel like I've got a proper little girl now and not a baby if that makes sense!

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Original poster

LuLu15 · 26/03/2008 20:19

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Original poster

LuLu15 · 26/03/2008 20:20

Sorry - pressed return twice!

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RubyRioja · 26/03/2008 20:24

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Alishanty · 26/03/2008 20:37

Well I still have to tackle this one as ds (20 mths) is totally addicted to his dummy so I know what it's like but I remember I had my dummy at night until I was 5!! I knew that other children at my school didn't have dummies but I don't think I would have ever got rid of it if my mum hadn't taken the plunge but I had to stay over night at another child's house and mum didn't want me taking the dummy so we got rid of it. Even tho I missed it at first I seemed to accept it as I knew I was too old for it really. My mum was shocked at how little fuss I made, think she was just to soft to take it off me sooner. You may be surprised and your dd may handle it better than you think.

kbaby · 26/03/2008 21:04

hermykne- I know but it worked, will be doing the same with DS too when hes a bit older. It meant that I couldnt have cold feet and give it back to her as I had cut them all that way I had to see it through. Was far easier than I ever thought.

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