Naughty toddler, Soft dad!

[StrongHmum23]

I won't go into massive back ground detail as it's not really relevant to our situation.

We have a 3 year old little girl, whilst I understand toddlers can push boundaries, she is becoming extremely spoilt an naughty.
If you say no or don't she will SCREAM and cry, daddy gives in immediately to cuddles and gives her everything she wants!

Daddy takes her to the shop every morning for chocolate (for after school, right before lunch).
At bedtime she will shout him 3/4x for extra bedtime stories, an snacks an drinks and playing no matter how much he says no its bedtime he ends up doing it to stop her getting upset. She barely gets proper meals because he let's her eat what she wants an any time.

At present I can barely talk to her or discipline her when he is acting up without her running to daddy for cuddles and pointing at me saying mummy naughty an daddy will not defend me in the slightest for trying to discipline her.
I.e she dragged the cat round the living room who was meowing so loud an I said NO! We don't do that to the cat darling, leave her alone thankyou the child absolutely lost her shit with me. Dad was sat playing with the old kids on his switch heard all the commotion to look up an say H..... no mummy is right an carried on his game!

I'm am sick to death of us arguing over how soft he is, I don't want to be bad cop I just want consistency, which 6 months ago he agreed he needed to bit a little firmer, but nothing has changed I'm now 20 weeks pregnant with no 3 and dreading another baby now (which I feel awful for).
He is a great dad an does so much for us all, but he has made a rod for our backs an now we are both suffering..
I've got to the point where I have given up, I have no interest in talking to him about it anymore.

I prefer to be on my own with the kids now I cam discipline an do things my own way without so much criticism.

There is probably so so so much more to this but there is so much.

I'm not sure if we cam fix this...

Thankyou

You know what everyone is going to say? You have a DH problem.

Can you go somewhere neutral, without DD and tell him how this is making you feel and how it will affect DD?

Oh it’s a tough one, Dads and Daughters have a unique relationship, I’ve seen it in my own house.
My DH will pretty much do anything for my DD, but it is important that both you and your DH are on the same page with discipline because it won’t benefit your DD in the long run if he bends over backwards for her all the time…
If he doesn’t listen to you, he’s not really supporting you much.
Having said that, even now my husband just does what I say at a sort of surface level and I have to be the brains behind everything… I’m currently dealing with a very difficult situation with my 4yo too in terms of behaviour.
Sending hugs <3

How's her behaviour at nursery op? Wonder if nursery could have a word with you both over consistency of boundaries etc?

Unfortunately otherwise you're just going to have to be bad cop and minimise his opportunities for overriding you

Thankyou for your replies I really appreciate all of them =)

We have sat down on numerous occasions an had this discussion which we had another one last night, DH did apologise again for being to soft an has admitted he has made the situation difficult for us both as she wants him 24/7 all the through the night and I can't help in anyway.. he did advise I need to relax a bit more an let the little things go as Holly is seeing my mood an annoyance which is causes her to avoid coming to me (I am quick tempered now which I never used to be)
From Seesaw and talking with her teachers at the end of her session she is good as gold an joins in with everything has made great friends.
He is quite poorly in bed today an was up most of the night with her again, I did get up a few times but wasn't able to help much. I just hope over the coming weeks we can try an become a united front a set the same boundaries.. our team work used to be second to none so I hope we can reconcile this again before little man shows up. We can get her involved which I hope will help form a bond x

Hi @StrongHmum23
hope you’re doing well. Was wondering if your little girl calmed down as she became older? I have a three year old and I struggle with her naughty behaviours!!!!
I don’t know how to stop all these tantrums. On top have a 4 month old so it can get tough at times:-(

Hey Anonymous,
So DD is now 4, she is alot better than she was since being in school. She does act up when she finishes school but I've found coming down to her level an slowly an gently explaining why I may have said no to something or why she can't have something helps, also REDIRECTION been a life saver for me, I distract with a different activity or different food or something has been a great help! She does still have her moments but DH has really helped get on good ground with discipline which has helped us. Dd has learnt that no matter who she goes to, no means no an screaming and crying makes no difference if she calms down an listens we can compromise. She is waiting for surgery to have her Adenoids, tonsils and grommets fitted so the fact she can't speak an hear clear enough and doesn't sleep well enough the doctor said is putting in a major factor to her anger an anxieties.

Things do change.... I promise =)