Are 2 kids more than twice the work of one?

[brownbutterfrangipanetart]

A few people have said to me that two children are more than double the work for 1, for example 4x the work of one

I’m wondering if this matches other people’s experiences and how?

I would have thought that financially everything is double, household chores like washing are double, but wouldn’t there be some benefit in the later years from the siblings playing together? why would it be more than double? Is there something I’m missing?!

It's one person doing double the work. So you can't see just the work in isolation, it's one of YOU who has to find double the time. Might not translate to 4x but isn't 2x either.

Honestly there are so many variables that will dictate what the ‘workload’ will feel like. Predominately the children themselves, their relationship with each other and the support you get.

I would say it's not double, but something like one-and-a-half times. However, baby 1 makes you super busy, so baby 2 then sucks up any available time/resource. Things like meal times and bath times would be the same whether there's one or two children.

No two children are generally easier than one once you get past the toddler stage.

Going from 1 to 2 kids was vastly easier than from 0 to 1. Kid 2 has no choice but to fit into your life, whereas kid 1 turns it completely upside down. Your house is already in a certain state of chaos so adding an extra kid doesn't change that much more. You're already making kid food, arranging playdates etc, so doing more of the same vs adjusting from nothing at all is more work, but I'd say definitely not double.

Nah, it's more work, yes, but ebbs and flows like anything. But not 4x more work if you can even measure it like that.

I guess you don't get down time when number one has a nap to use a basic example.

TV will be your friend in the early days.

It's fiiiine, honestly!

I don't find it twice the work. Maybe 1.5 times?

But so many factors... age gap, personalities, disabilities, parenting style...

Obviously I have twice the extra curricular activities, twice the parents evenings, that sort of thing. But I only need to cook the same amount (time, notvamount of food!) hoover the floor the same amount of times, washing isn't that much more, same school holidays...

There is no way it's four times the work. Sometimes it's harder like when one is in the napping phase and the other is at the school run phase. Or the ate both at university and you are paying for it. But most of the time having two is easier I think.

No. In my experience it's less than double. It doesn't take any more work to feed 2 than 1. Laundry is a bit more but not double.
If they are close in age they play together once the baby is a few months old and that takes away a lot of work. Mine are 2 years apart and once DC2 was about a year old they just entertained themselves for hours. That first year of two was tough but you have the advantage with the second baby of having already learned a lot of tricks and techniques on the first, you don't have that steep learning curve.

In some ways I find it easier than 1, now my youngest is out of the toddler years- they play together, it frees up my time. Obviously two lots of homework, 2 lots of friendships etc- but I definitely wouldn’t say double the workload entirely

Interesting to read responses - you do hear of the second one ‘slotting in’ and going from 1 to 2 easier than 0 to 1.

for context I have a 6 month baby and I keep changing my mind about whether to have a second, although I have some (but not lots) of time to decide

@SoftPillowAllNight do you mean whoever has taken leave for the second baby will also be dealing with the first child? Hence one person doing double?

It's definitely not quite double the work in some ways, but double in others.

For example, we're reusing baby clothes and equipment like the pram. So it's definitely not double the cost. We don't have to bother with rubbish like NCT classes (ugh, such a waste that was) and baby care books the second time. We can to some extent entertain them both at once.

But...when our dc1 starts school soon, but dc2 is still at nursery, we'll be doing pickups and drop offs in opposite directions. I have a long commute (once mat leave is over), so dh will be rushing around before work and I'll have to rush back after. I'm dreading it, it'll be logistically so complicated and stressful every working day. And when both kids cry or need me at once, my brain explodes and I freak out not knowing what to do first.

But it's worth it already, sometimes dd hugs ds and he smiles at her (he's just learnt to smile) and it's just lovely. I'm sure it'll get easier.

@brownbutterfrangipanetart an interesting read?

https://www.whattoexpect.com/family/child-spacing

I would add that too wide a gap might feel like double the work as you will have children at completely different stages eg. A 4year old and a 10 year old will not do the same things at the weekend, not play with the same toys, not watch the same shows.
Equally really small gaps can feel double in the initial years if you have 2 children fully reliant on you ie. Two sets of nappies, 2 children to dress.

Makes sense @OnlyFoolsnMothers

I’ve just read the article (thanks @beetr00 for sharing) - it looks like the sweet spot age gap could be 2-3 years.

When you have two, they're much less dependent on you to occupy them. The gap between my two was 21 months and from the time #2 was a toddler they hung out and played together and I could actually get on with stuff. No calls for 'mummeeee, play with me... Look at this... read to me.... help me with my drawing...'.
It was positively liberating when they only needed each other most of the time.

I remember noticing the difference when my friend with one child visited/we visited them. Lovely kid and mum, but he wanted her attention all the time, because, like most kids, he needed someone alongside his play etc.

I’d say it’s 1.5 times work. Some things are double (feeding baby and making/ giving lunch to toddler) and some things are no extra work (putting toddler in bath then dunking baby in too). Sometimes you’re pulled in two, sometimes they both nap or keep each other entertained.

I had a 20 month gap and I’d say that’s a touch too close. Even at 24 months it would have been easier, the toddler is developing in huge leaps at that time.

The practical things like cooking/laundry isn’t much of an increase if you’re already doing it for one, but the emotional strain is big. Sibling arguments are draining! You’ve now got an extra person to worry about. Their health, education, relationships, happiness etc. All illnesses have to work through both kids instead of one.

Siblings playing nicely together is amazing and makes life so much easier.

Mine are all 2 years apart and definitely doesn't feel like 3 x the work of one. I'd say 2.is 1.5x the work and the third is then equivalent to another one..So 2.5 child work hours* for 3 children

• a metric I have just invented

I don’t think it is double the work. Baby no 2 just kind of slots in to your life much easier than baby no 1 did.

I’m guessing it may be down to the age difference. Mine were 2 years apart and I’d no real problem with 2 versus 1, but I may have been lucky. My second was very laid back as a young child and a toddler.

I agree completely with this.

Definitely way harder for me! 1 was so easy. 2 close together was way way harder. Meeting 2 different sets of needs, demands etc, competitive crying for attention, running off in different directions, sleeping or not sleeping at different times. So worth it though they were best pals and still get on so well!

I think it really depends on many variables - age gap, personalities, sleep.
4.5 year gap between mine and so far 2 has been much, much harder than 1. DC1 a pretty easy baby, toddler and now a delightful 6 year old..never had tantrum phase.
Dc2 much more 'demanding', poor sleeper, extremely active, prone to tantrums.
They don't play together, needs are very different and family days out are hard!
We love Dc2 to bits but my goodness life was easy when we just had one! Feels like there is just never any downtime, and my experience is that domestic chores are somehow 5x what they were previously DC2. The constant mess is something else.
With hindsight I'd go for a.smaller gap. Harder for first year or so maybe but after that I think it pays off for many people.. from what I've seen anyway!

I'd say so because my first one didn't stop during the day and the second one didn't sleep. It wasn't a nice time. Third baby was once the other two were a bit more bearable and is a decent human being so he probably added like .1 effort to the mix. Some children are just easier.