11 year old worries about needing the toilet

[LowMaintenance101]

I'm hoping for some advice.
My 11 year old daughter has always been quite sensitive and a bit of a worrier.
Lately this has been mostly centered around worrying about the toilet.
If we are going out somewhere, she will always go to the toilet before we set off, which is fine, but will always ask if there is going to be a toilet wherever we are going. If we don't set off straight away for some reason, she will go again before we leave.
When we went to look around secondary schools, she was fixated on how many toilets there were. And when we got home, most of her questions were centered around what would happen if she needed to go to the toilet during lesson time.
She has been going to the toilet multiple times after going to bed, before going to sleep.
She has still been up when we go to bed, between 10.30 and 11pm.
I have spoken to her about it and she says she is worried about having a accident in bed, and as soon as she is close to dropping off, she will panic and feel like she needs to go the toilet again.
Last night, she was on the toilet when my husband came in from work (around 10.15pm), so he went up to say goodnight. He then went out to take the dog on his last walk around the block and was gone about 10 minutes. When he came back, she was on the toilet again.
Apart from asking about toilets when go somewhere, this isn't so much of an issue during the day.
When we go on holiday, she doesn't do this, so I am sure it is not a physical problem.
We have talked to her about it on a few occassions and I don't know what else we can say to her?
She's never had a problem with bedwetting, so it's not linked to a previous issue. I feel like it's a bad habit that is getting worse. And a symptom of general worrying/ anxiety.

Year 6 has been a real culture shock for her. Up to now she has always loved school, but there is soooooo much pressure around SATS this year, and she is definitely feeling it.

I know this is an older post but I am really going through this at the minute with my 7 year old boy. I even cried at the school yesterday, as I’m just at my wits end.
He has just started the juniors and was is so worried he is going to have an accident. He’s been going to the toilet for a wee way too much and gets upset in a morning about school. He’s clever and has friends but this anxiety all started back in march when he had antibiotics and they gave him diarrhea. It’s so draining! I’m hoping he grows out of this soon. Any words of advice are much appreciated. He has been to the doctors and they have confirmed no infection

Hi. I'm really sorry you're going through this.
I've given a lot of thought to general ways I can help to decrease my daughter's general anxiety. The main thing in our household is that I'm a bad time-keeper and she likes to be early for everything. She gets very stressed if we are cutting things fine, so I've really worked on that.
Sorry if this is the wrong train of thought and not applicable for you, but it's just made a big difference for my daughter.

I made a request for a toilet pass for my daughter as suggested on this thread. So far, we haven't been successful. It's a secondary school and they are adamant that they will only issue one for medical reasons and they require a doctors note. But I image a primary school would be much more understanding.
Maybe speak to his teacher and then he knows he has permission to go when he needs to.
And maybe send spare underwear and uniform with him every day, just for peace of mind?

Thank you so much for replying. I really appreciate it. So this week, I couldn’t take much more, and I called a private psychologist who said she believes it’s low level anxiety. (Doesn’t feel low level when your going through it everyday 🫠 but I took comfort from her saying low level).

The teacher is working with us and letting him go to the toilet but she’s also talked to him about trying to give it 30 then 45 minutes between him going which I think is more than fair.
So sorry that your daughter isn’t allowed a pass. I think it’s terrible! Parents wouldn’t be asking for this unless we were desperate. I’m so on edge every day waiting for him to get upset or waiting for a message from school. I’m hoping it’s a phase and can’t wait until this passes!

No problem at all. It's awful when you can see they are going through something and you don't know how to help them.

Just thinking about drop off and pick ups - I wonder if it might help to arrange to meet with one of his friends and walk with them in the morning, just to take the edge off? Or have a play date straight from school?

I have tried to walk to school with his friends but it makes no difference. He just gets really upset and then embarrassed on top of everything else 🫠
He usually comes out of school happy and full of excitement to tell me about what he’s done, and whatever was funny at break time and what he’s learnt, so I know he enjoys it when he is there!
I will keep preserving and fingers crossed we can look back on these posts soon and think “I’m glad that’s done with!! 🙈