How do you stay calm

[Beansandneedles]

...and gracious and kind? Parenting is relentless!

I feel it's my job to teach these little beings how to emotionally regulate and internalise making good choices but constantly and consistently being a good example feels impossible. I've read so many books, have been to therapy, unpacked my own childhood and am incredibly motivated to make sure my children's mother is kind and respectful (but still firm and boundary setting!). Honestly I barely recognise myself from the angry person I was 5 years ago, but even with all that I feel like I'm almost constantly exasperated and pushed to the limit. They're definitely learning how to make amends and apologise from being around me if nothing else 😅

Anyone else on a journey from being an angry person to a kind one have any tips? I don't want to be exasperated by the children when they're usually just being kids. But sometimes it's just too blooming irritating for words!

I don't sweat the small stuff and don't find constant things to worry about

If the world won't end if it happens why does it have to be a problem?

Sage words and definitely another thing I'm much better at. It's far less stressful being more relaxed about things!! Well done you!

But what about when your children are the ones sweating the small stuff, and it's evidently not feeling small to them in that moment? My two year old has woken up early for weeks with a drama of miniscule importance to me but something super important to her in that moment. My resilience for dealing with the first thing in the morning tantrums in a tolerant and kind manner is waning. Actually it's waned, bleugh.

I read on here that one mum pretended she was constantly being filmed for Supernanny. This helped her to keep her cool

Hahaha! I like that. Might try it. Thanks 😊

Just had a coffee with two of my most chilled mum friends and they both mentioned being unable to keep their cool some days. Feel like maybe it's just easier some days than others. Maybe I'm setting the bar too high for myself expecting to be 100% cool, calm and collected.

Basically pretend you are not alone, that there are people there with clipboards reporting on your parenting and if you did a great job keeping calm when you want to scream they would applaud and nod their heads in approval. It sounds twee but it does help. I was a sahm for years so this helped me stay sane when crawling yet again under the high chair to clean up food off the floor.

Children learn from example, I grew up in a shouty lose your cool environment which meant as teens we all yelled at each other all the time but I knew I didn't want to have this for my own children. Like you I read everything I could get my hands on to learn how to parent from lots of different view points.

One day, a switch just flipped. Everything went from being really stressful and super important to, dare I say it, funny!! Life really was so much easier after that. I care just as much, but don’t find things drag me down, so I really don’t blow a fuse as often. Life is really funny if you actually think about it!!

When they spill something, laugh!
If they’re rude, say the right thing, teach them of course, but laugh inside, it’s funny!!

Learn what you can safely ignore and start walking away more often.

I'm not a morning person, I can't deal with tantrums in the morning so I (used to, she's learnt now!) just say mummy can't deal with this right now and walk away. I'll always come back and address it later when I'm more awake so she doesn't feel ignored but right then and then, it's a no.

And also, learn to find it funny rather than get annoyed by it. Once you've made that shift in your head it's much easier to handle!

It's normal to constantly feel exasperated and stressed with young kids, no?😂
To be honest it sounds like you've basically climbed a mountain, so maybe you should be the one giving us advice!
The thing is, all the emotions are part of life, you need the low to have the high. Just make sure that you treat your children as people, and always repair your relationship and find things that you both enjoy to do more of. Others than that there's not much to say, as long as your relationship is getting stronger with them then all the stress will be worth it.
Take care!

Idk what happened but I didn't get a notification for any of the last few messages. Sorry for my tardy response!

The thing is, all the emotions are part of life, you need the low to have the high.

This is so true. Also need to always remember everything is a phase as we're all in such a lovely place now I can't even remember why I was writing that.

One of my friends often comes to me because 'If I haven't lived it I've probably read about it' 😅 Certainly does feel like a mountain, but I'm enjoying the view so that's a nice perk!

there's been a lot more of this in the last month and it's SO NICE. My kids have the worlds best giggles and it's so motivating to want to get them and me laughing as much as possible.

It's all a phase!