Struggling with 2 kids

[lonelymumclub]

DS is 2, newborn DD is 3 weeks old

she wasn’t planned so I didn’t want this age gap I would’ve liked a bigger one ideally

my pregnancy I was just worried about DS and how he’d adjust, and felt guilt he didn’t get me to himself for longer :( as he literally turned 2 then got a sibling

snd I now feel guilt for DD as I feel bonded but it just doesn’t feel like it was when I had DS and it’s the first time I’ve admitted that anywhere but it’s been in my head for ages

I didn’t feel excitement much during pregnancy I was just scared. Because I knew it’d be this hard

im eBf and it’s a love hate thing. Love the ease of me having the milk no bottles sterilising etc. not enjoying it overall, the cluster feeding, I feel like a human dummy she doesn’t stop feeding it’s made me not want to go out but I can’t not go out because I want DS on non nursery days to not be stuck in the house

i had a c section again and most certainly didn’t follow recovery advice of resting so while I’m awake every hour of the night (DD only sleeps lovely 1-1.5 hour stints) I worry have I done damage or created loads of scar tissue

but I couldn’t sit on my arse and let DS get upset because he still doesn’t understand things fully and can only communicate a little, which also means we’re at peak tantrum time so that’s upsetting as I find I’m taking it personal now for some reason I feel like it’s my fault and I’ve upset him and made him so angry

snd the lack of sleep is getting to me. I can’t even nap she just wants to be held all the time and I get this she’s a newborn but DS let me have a few hours I do remember she won’t nap so I just feel like Ive been awake for 3 weeks straight

Would you bottle/formula feed in combination? Would give you a lot more freedom/time in some resoects especially if you've got a partner at home to do eg a night feed etc

(yes i do know about the benefit of exclusivity breast feeding, but it's also important not to go nuts over living an impossible life for months)

That sounds tough. It’s hard right now but try to think of all the benefits when they are older. 3 weeks is still very early just take it a day at a time.

dont worry about taking them out. Just rest and recover around the house. You can take them out when you’re more recovered and it won’t hurt DS to rest too.

you’re doing amazing mamma.

It's brutal OP, no denying it! I have a slightly smaller age gap between my DC, my youngest is almost 23 months and eldest 3.5 and it's still really hard. Can't say I'm enjoying life much at the moment (which makes me feel guilty). There is light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel is looooong. It won't be any comfort to you but you're not alone.

OP I've been where you are. My DS was 2.5 when DD was born and I did not have the same enjoyable experience I had first time around. EBF, no napping and taking care of a toddler when you are exhausted is hard going.

I don't have much advice but just to say it does get easier. DS is now almost 4, DD 16months and I feel like I can enjoy them now.

The first year was very tough second time round but you will be very glad for the close age gap in a year or so.

I am in the same situation as you. 3 week old DD and 21 month old DS. Currently lying in bed wide awake as she doesn't sleep at night which is getting me reallllly down.

I feel guilt also, as I feel a little different this time. I had a traumatic c section and having complications post partum which is contributing to me not bonding so well with DD :-(

Feel free to message me, you're not alone. x

I have a 2.5 yo and a 5 week old. We don’t go out except to breastfeeding clinics at the moment. DD is fine! We’ll be back out in a few weeks when breastfeeding calms down a little so in the grand scheme of things a few weeks at home really isn’t a big deal.

Pop the tv on, get lots of snacks and cluster feed on the sofa for a few weeks. It’ll pass and you’ll heal quicker/not wear yourself out.

I could have written this 3 years ago. It was bloody awful but I promise you're doing an amazing job and it will get easier. If you do want to continue exclusively breastfeeding you're probably half way through the hardest bit. Take any help you're offered, don't feel bad about staying at home if you can't face going anywhere (one of the benefits of a winter baby is that you're REALLY not missing anything, it's horrible out there!), and get ds "helping" with his little sister. And hang on in there! It's a lovely age gap once you get through this bit, I've found it really helpful for days out etc that they're at similar stages.

My age gap was bigger but it was still so hard in the beginning. I was ready to throw in the towel with breastfeeding at 4 weeks pp. I felt so needed by both and stretched so thin.

It. Gets. Easier.

I know that’s not much consolation to you now but I promise this will pass. Im so glad we persevered with breastfeeding now as it’s so easy and useful for feeding and settling DS2 when out and about. It got easier every 6 weeks I reckon. We’re now 6 months in and I don’t really struggle at all. You’ve got this xx

I found going from one to two tough going, I had two under two but it does get easier in time, it’s all so new and you are still recovering from birth and dealing with sleep deprivation on top.

I don’t know a single person who fully rested after a c section, myself included, a lot of the advice given seems to forget that you actually have a newborn baby(plus any siblings) to look after.

It’s my first day alone with them I’ll have 2 a week, DS has 3 days nursery then the weekend together as a family

I am really struggling and I feel awful saying this I need to admit it but I just don’t feel fully bonded to my DD I was hoping she’d be an ‘easy’ baby but she just cries so much it’s draining and doesn’t sleep. I was just trying to do play do this morning with DS and she just screams unless holding her. I don’t know how to do the sling I’m scared to damage her hips

i msy express milk because I just feel so annoyed with the cluster feeding and having to just sit on my arse

i feel like I want some normality but I know our normal won’t come into play for a while

I think a bit of a mental rejection of one child is really common in the early days so please don’t feel bad about it. When I had my DD, my DS was two and a half and he was very silly, sometimes mean to her and sometimes defiant and disobedient. Sometimes I felt very strongly towards him, he felt huge and threatening. Other people I’ve spoken to have experienced what you did, no real bond to the baby. So it’s normal but it does feel awful and you feel so guilty.

As @VivaVivaa has said it does get easier. My DS now adores his sister and she loves him. Sometimes it is hard because parenting is hard but it’s not quite the nightmare it was once!

I'm not sure expressing milk and bottle feeding will necessarily help tbh. It's just another bunch of things to add to your to do list and neither of mine slept more/fed less or anything when they had the odd bottles of expressed milk.

Have you got a sling library near you that you could visit for advice with the sling? Or do you have another type of carrier like a Baby Bjorn? Depends on your DC's weight if they're big enough for something like that yet and I know people often don't like them on here but with DC1 I found it much easier to get the hang of using than the more complicated slings. Our DC1 cried allllll the time too but she did like being in the carrier and would nap in there eventually so gave us free hands.

I had a much bigger age gap and it was still really rough tbh sometimes! You're doing great. Things will get easier with time.

Hi, I wanted to share a fast forward scene. This morning I sat and drank a cup of tea in the kitchen alone with GMB on while my 3 and 5 year old played together in the lounge.

It's super tough at the newborn stage. My 2 year old did nursery 3 days a week and on the two days he was home. We always got out - in places I felt safe with two on my old - ie fenced in playgrounds etc.

It will get easier

Is there a local sling library that you can visit to get confidence with her in a sling?