Will parenting a baby get easier?

[esgill]

My daughter is 4 months old and I’m exhausted. Pregnancy was awful for me -/ waking up frequently due to hip pain and leg cramps, severe nausea and fatigue. I don’t feel I have slept well in a year.

Birth was hard, long hesitant labour followed by EMCS.

Terrible witching hour 5-12 weeks.

Now she is happier (smile and laughs when she wakes up for a bit and enjoys entertainment) but has a short battery life and after being awake for 30 mins - 1 hour starts whinging and stiffening her body/won’t sit happily on our lap. I breastfeed and at night she nurses well but during the day I often have to force her to eat against screaming and then she eats and takes a nap. We had one short haul flight from hell at three months and I’m meant to fly a fair bit in the next year because of work and longer haul.

I just feel like my baby needs constant entertainment. Now the sleep regression has her waking up every few hours at night to eat, too. I’m exhausted and everyone said it would get better at 12 weeks and witching hour has got better but it’s still so hard and I don’t have any time/energy to do anything for myself…

For me it became easier at 6 or 7 months. I think maybe because they could sit up and roll around a bit they could be entertained more easily/find their own entertainment. And I just started really enjoying them fully.

Interestingly the feelings weren't related to sleep, as both decided they didn't want to sleep longer than an hour at 6 months but because I was enjoying my days more the nights felt more manageable.

Yes it most definitely gets easier in my experience. I'm sure it will for you too. My toddler is an absolute joy most of the time ❤️ Newborn stage is really hard and exhausting with so little time to do what you want. A massive contrast to life pre-kids.

It gets far Far Easier, but for me it was around 8 months too. And then again drastically got better at a year when I stopped bF and baby slept through the night so I wasn’t physically missing out on sleep anymore. Hang in there xxx

Depends what kind of life you're used to.

I used to get manicures whenever, go to Pilates a few times a week, enjoy coffees at cute cafes by myself. Spend £150 on a random dress I saw in the shop just because I liked it.

I don't do the above now.

My 20 months old is so much easier now BUT it's still incredibly hard work, in a way that I can't just randomly go and browse the clothing shops trying on whatever I want (toddler decides he wants to pull the clothes off mannequin) - this is just one example.

I can't go watch movie at a drop of a hat, I can't go to a new restaurant with a friends after work. Even if I pre arrange those things, I am much much more knackered to do them 😁

I can't take an hour long bath. Yes I could after the toddler is in bed (he sleeps through the night) - but there's just so much stuff to do, I can't really waltz around causally doing 'lovely stuff'.

I think it is going to be relatively hard until they're about 6. That's if you had a cruisy, non-rushed life before kids

It does get better but be prepared for many phases, some better, some worse. It also very much depends on the baby, I found it very hard until 10 months as I had a very active baby who was interested in everything and she got frustrated easily when she couldn’t do something, and she wasn’t good at sleeping until much older.

Now she’s a toddler and her sleeping is great (usually, she still has her times) but she is still very high energy so I still don’t get to relax much around her or do anything for myself unless DH is off work. However, she’s 3.5 now and we’re just coming out of this and honestly she is such good company now it’s most definitely worth it, I wouldn’t be without her.

Keep going, it does get better but they are all different so there’s no set timeline. My main advice is to pay for help if you don’t have family to help give you a rest.

It does get better.
At 5 month my milk ran dry, so switched to formula. That meant he only woke up at midnight for a feed. ( up for the day at 5am)
At 6 months he went in his own room and started sleeping through.
9 months was the best time ( just as you are back at work )
If you have no family help - we didn't dont feel bad about getting help.
At the age your baby is I spent a lot of time pushing the pram. Or walking round a supermarket. The stimulation of seeing all them new people/ places tires them out.

Great, I was wondering this. It's so exhausting having to think about someone else all of the time isn't it! Sounds like I have a few more years to go. Sorry OP, I'm finding everything harder, not easier just because they need more from you as they get older. Newborns are great as they don't move and just eat and sleep.

@Overthebow yes this, phases. That's what some people have said, some stuff gets easier, but some stuff gets harder. But also it's all temporary so that's something to bear in mind when something particularly terrible is happening, it won't be forever

It gets better at 6 months and then at 12 months. Generally 4 month olds don’t need constant entertainment and whilst it doesn’t feel like it non mobile babies are much easier to slip into your life than very active and opinionated toddlers. Could it be she’s getting frustrated or overstimulated?

This morning my 2.5yo woke my 8mo up before bursting into our room at 6am demanding “flying saucers” (the nursery rhyme) and that I get dressed. I go to bed early, sometimes at the same time as the children (7-730).

It gets easier and then gets harder and then easier again, it just comes in waves.

I found months 4-6 really hard and then 7 and 8 have been great fun, she sleeps 7-7, plays peekaboo, bum shuffles around and tries to crawl and can play with things for 20 minutes whilst I wash dishes/sterilise bottles/do laundry/brush my teeth etc. I enjoy weaning and watching her try new foods etc. this has been my favourite stage so far.

I'm sure it'll get tough again.

Be kind to yourself, motherhood is tough! X

Also have you looked at any issues such as reflux/silent reflux etc? Could be why baby is fighting feeding in the day.

Oh sweetheart! I remember having a really similar chat when my first was tiny. I didn't like him much at all and wanted a time machine to skip forward and see what he was like in the future to give me the motivation to keep going. I never wanted to be a mum, so this has been something of a journey for me! However a friend turned up and said I wouldn't need to travel very far forward to see how worth it it would be, and she was so right. The first months can be a huge culture shock for first time mums, it's hard to put an exact timeline on it as all babies are different but I promise you one day in the not too distant future you'll realize it got easier!!

Like someone else said there'll be moments where it's great and moments where it gets hard again. I think that's just parenting. My oldest is 5 now and one of my fave people on the planet to hang out with. The first 6 months for me were awful, then it turned a corner and started getting easier. By 11 months he was just awesome and I saw extra time with him as a silver lining in the pandemic.

Hang in there. The start of something new is often the hardest part xx

At 4 months I looked up how to put my daughter up for adoption. She screamed and cried for 16-20h a day. I could sit down or even perch on the arm of the sofa she just needed to be paced around the room continuously. Making a cup of tea involved picking her up and putting her down about 6 times as she started screaming if out of my arms for more than a few seconds. We had feeding issues too. She only fed lying down and during the day she only fed for a few seconds at a time totally 1-2 minutes during the day and probably a total of 15 minutes overnight with 3-5 minute feeds. I had severe pnd and it took until about 15 months to enjoy having a baby who wasn't a baby anymore.
My daughters symptoms were due to severe silent reflux and a lot of food allergies. Given your description of day time feeds I would seek out a feeding assessment. There are a few different things that can cause the feeding aversions you describe. My daughters were much more prominent during the day and when she was more relaxed overnight she fed a lot better. I was probably more relaxed too which would have helped.
We did move to formula at 10 months, I wouldn't say that was easier or harder it was just different and it didn't improve her sleep one bit. Nor did stopping over night milk. This is because my daughters poor sleep has nothing to do with hunger it's due to being in pain with reflux and allergic reactions

Normal. They tend to get happier with every developmental milestone. My eldest was an extremely grumpy baby and got happier with every step towards independence. Wether that translates into easier though depends on you. I found running round, stopping a crazy but happy toddler from killing themselves far easier than entertaining a miserable, static baby. Others may be different.

I found that first year to just be constant caregiving and trying to meet my DS' needs. It was so relentless, plus you're trying to recover as well. It gets incrementally better - I found it easier once he was more mobile and could reach things, he would roll himself, then crawl, round the room to find something else to chew mostly! It's easier when he need fewer nappy changes and you're not constantly changing nappies and going to the bin! It's easier when you can put them in a high chair and hand them a melty stick and you can have a coffee while it's hot!

It does get easier as they get older but it's full of challenges - I was watching phonics videos last night because neither me or DH can understand anything that comes back from school! We're navigating friendships, after school activities and a child in class who keeps pushing other children so there's worries and concerns but it's not the same as the sheer relentlessness of that first year.

My 3rd was a very grumpy baby. I would try different positions eg sitting in the baby chair watching the washing machine was a hit at that age. And then a bit later a jumperoo was a god send. Just for a few minutes of peace! I tried one at a baby group before I bought it https://www.argos.co.uk/product/4355397?clickPR=plp:8:51

Obligatory disclaimer of everything's a phase, things go up and down, every child and situation is different etc etc......with that out the way, yes, it gets easier. And more fun! 4-8 months was killer for me. It got easier from then onwards. Just keep going x

I have 3, not sure why but all 3 times once they turned 4 months it got so hard, their sleep went out the window, they became really clingy, wanted held all the time etc I think at 4 months separation anxiety sets in. It does get easier x

4 months can be tricky - sleep regression, learning new skills, and they get fussy with feeding and mega distractible too. This article was reassuring

laleche.org.uk/what-happens-at-four-months/

My honest opinion, based on 8 years of parenting is that every stage is hard in its own way. People find the baby stage hard not only because it is hard but also because you're adjusting into parenthood and (for me at least) your life is totally upended. It takes time to get used to that. Other stages of parenting have been hard but because I've "grown into" parenting at that point they feel more bearable than they did.

Yes and no

Wouldn't say easier just different

I find adapting expectations helped massively

But also accepting the new norm

My baby is 19months and sooooo much easier than the newborn days

We go through phases though so sleep / teeth / illnesses all make it harder

She's talking, signing, sleeping through the night, no bottles just a night time one, so this is so much easier
We are having temper tantrums mind and they are something else!

What I find hard is although she says
Coat, park, car etc and can go get coat shoes
She's calls everything with 'me' in front
So me coat, me shoes, so cute
She can't understand why we can't at certain times etc so that's what makes this harder

Or when she's hungry she sighs for ' more 'but say she's eaten 2 yoghurts she will wants more yogurt and then get upset because she can't

But I'll take this over the newborn !

She also has longer periods of playing by herself which she never did as a newborn
As in she cried a lot and didn't get loads time where she wasn't out my arms so it depends on temperament of baby too

Personally I've just found every stage easier so far as my son can do more and more for himself. He's now nearly 3.5 and is so much fun to be around.

Thanks everyone for the helpful replies and sorry my late reply. I've just been so overwhelmed this past week as we've all been ill and it's been extra hard to care for an ill baby when you're unwell too...

@Wrongsideofpennines @Beachwaves127 I hope this happens for us, too. Surviving 2-4 months sounds doable...

@penguinbiscuits I'm a freelancer and work hard but did have a lot more time to do things for myself before, like pilates and dance classes, reading, seeing friends... Right now I just feel like I'm on a fast-moving conveyor belt.

@Overthebow 10 months is also doable. I am thinking of hiring a nanny one day a week but it's tricky as my baby feeds often and won't take a bottle so I still have to be around.

@PurBal we have very different babies because my baby definitely gets bored and needs entertainment!

@elm26 I'll keep going knowing this is probably a rough time, then. A lot of people said the same to me. She probably has reflux but she's hitting all milestones and gaining weight so no one is concerned.

@Beansandneedles I love my baby but I am just so exhausted, particularly with this whingey stage, it's really grinding me down. I hope the second half of the first year is better for us, too x

@VivaVivaa I'd much rather have a happy mobile baby than a miserable small baby, too. Maybe it requires more energy but I'd feel less anxious worrying about what could be wrong...

It improved for me at around 4 months. He stopped with the witching hour (5-9pm), he stopped crying on car journeys (now he naps or looks out the window). He slept a bit longer at night. At 4 months I also had a moment on the sofa when he was napping when I thought ‘I’m bored what do I do now?’ And it’s in that moment I realised there was an end to the never ending baby stage. It was still full on though and throw in lack of sleep.

By 5 months I decided to be more active and took him to two baby groups and by 8 months I signed up to swimming too. He’s now 10 months old and we have a routine with classes and breakfast/lunch/dinner etc. It’s easier now he’s more aware, but he also needs more attention now. There’s more play and stimulation in long awake windows. Also his daytime napping is still very hard work. He fights going to sleep. Plus he’s quite heavy now so the walking around is a bit harder. He’s not a fan of baby carriers now, doesn’t like being strapped in to anything (car, pushchair, carrier). I take all this any day over the newborn days. I love the interaction with him now.

This literally sounds like everything I’ve been through with my current 4 month old. Any tips/advice/general experiences that I can learn?! Did things get more pleasant