Parents of girls diagnosed with ADD/ADHD later

[drspouse]

Copy of another thread, sorry! What were they like at 8/9ish if they do NOT have ASD or any real suspicion of ASD?
My DD has no features that seem to be similar in any real way to even late diagnosed girls with ASD but she has a history of poor comprehension of what we are saying to her, and struggles hugely with maths though not with reading and writing - I'm not completely sure she understands all of what she reads which ties in with ADHD.

She isn't really hyper but DS has typical ADHD in a very typical boy way so is always needing to let off steam and she plays with him so she may just be burning off all her hyperactivity with him!
School have not really mentioned attention or daydreaming but we do have to say "earth to DD" a fair bit.

Mine was a superstar at 8 /9 to be honest. Her Primary school loved her.

Parents evening in Yr7 was a shock though.

Odd you mention maths though. I had a few conversations with the teacher who taught her maths as she was a puzzle to us both. She would regularly say "I don't understand" or "I don't get it", whilst turning in assessments that were getting her 95% plus.

An assessment her 6th form got the Ed Psych to do revealed a very low score in processing reading. She works far, far harder than my other dc, but really struggles with 'efficiency' of learning IYSWIM. Her sister put in a fraction of the effort my dd with ADHD does, but 'processes' everything so much more efficiently.
It's odd though - she still enjoys reading and always has a book on the go, which she reads in bed or in the car or on the beach or wherever. Generally, as humans we don't choose to do things we struggle with.
She's very capalbe - 10 good GCSEs, A levels and is now at University, but does struggle with exams compared with the answers she produces in class / lectures / discussions / tutorials / etc. It is the organisation she struggles with - she might spend 1.75 hours of a 2 hour exam on the first question, and can't 'pace herself' to spend approx 25min on each of the 4 questions (or whatever she "ought" to do).

Mine is too young for any of that but nobody could call her academic...

Empty school books - she couldn't focus in class. By that age, they can be very good at masking, especially if they're bright, so schools often don't notice they've zoned out because they'll be quietly looking down at their book. Better at homework because we were there to nag.
Don't necessarily notice hyperactivity either as it presents differently in girls. But always 'fiddling' with something. And she did need to do a lot of sport and would be completely unable to sleep without that activity.
People often think of ADHD in very male-related terms but it presents so differently in girls and fundamentally it's about executive function, so processing information and then acting (or not usually!) on it in an 'appropriate' way, processing stimuli and again dealing with it in an 'appropriate' way.
School tends to get harder and harder and I think it's common for maths to be the first thing to suffer because one concept builds on another. If you 'miss' the first lesson on subtraction, you're lost. If you miss the lesson on adjectives, that doesn't stop you being able to write a sentence with one in.
Work can be very up and down. They can do brilliantly one day, and the next, it's like all the information has just fallen out of their head.
DD only diagnosed at 14 when the wheels totally fell off. But it had always actually been obvious that she had ADHD, and other parents of late diagnosed, bright girls, have said the same... You just kind of know as their parent that there's something out of the ordinary going on.

And everything @NewName24 said!

Oddly my DD was a much worse sleeper than DS when younger but now she drops straight off but she does do a lot of activities!
I think everything is so structured for her (especially Maths) that it's hard to see her not organising her own work, but she is not great at remembering what she has to take every day - though she's the one always reminding us that a dressing up day is coming up, or worrying that we haven't wrapped someone's present for 2 weeks ahead!

"but she has a history of poor comprehension of what we are saying to her, and struggles hugely with maths though not with reading and writing - I'm not completely sure she understands all of what she reads "

That does not sound like ADHD. Unless it caused my lack of concentration/attention eg she doesn't understand because she's missing bits and/or not listening properly. If she's struggling to comprehend writing or speech that she's paying attention to then there could be a processing issue/difficulty, and/or dyscalculia (with or without ADHD).

Some of the other points you've raised could be ADHD.

You don't have to have hyperactivity or impulsivity to have ADHD. You can have "inattentive type" which is just the issues with attention and organisation etc either way little or no hyperactivity or impulsivity. They can tend to be daydreamers. Although I have inattentive type ADHD and I'm not a daydreamer.

You need to get her assessed by an educational psychologist as there's so much that could be going on here. You need more information before you try for an assessment for any specific condition.

This is like mine!