Baby girl won’t sleep in next to me cot

[JDLXNDR]

Hello,

I’m a first time mum, wondering if anyone has experienced the same with their newborn.

I have a beautiful 5 day old daughter who refuses to sleep in her next to me cot at night.

During the day she sleeps a lot, and I try to put her in her Moses basket or nest (usually swaddled with a blanket) though she always wants to sleep on myself or my husband. But at night when we go up to bed she refuses to sleep in her next to me cot. She will fall asleep in our arms but as soon as we put her down she wakes up. When we pick her up she’s asleep again within seconds. Last night we tried swaddling using two different swaddle sacks and again, she slept in our arms but as soon as we put her down she wakes up and cries.

Does anyone have any advice regarding this?

Thanks!

This is really normal for newborns unfortunately op. It often takes a while for them to feel comfortable with not being squished up and against you. You could try warming the mattress before with a wheat bag. You could try keeping a firm hand on her front and making shushing noises until she's drifted back off after the initial put down. White noise is another thing that people swear by. It will get easier as she adjusts to the outside world.

I had winter babies too and I noticed this was because a change in temperature.

What I did worked, albeit it was a Moses. I took the thin Moses mattress out of the basket and as I fed my babies to sleep o held them in my arms but already in the mattress. Then when it was time to go back to bed I carried them super slowly still on the mattress), think like you're carrying an unexplored bomb 😂, and very carefully out them back in the basket. Because there was no change in temperature it used to work. Give it a try and congrats on your new baby x

Try waiting for 20 minutes after she's fallen asleep until she's in the deepest part of her sleep cycle and then put her down.

I love the idea above about holding the mattress and will be trying that next time!

Tough but very normal. Have you heard about the fourth trimester? This describes and explains a bit about normal newborn behavior. To be honest you are unlikely to be able to change this yet so adapting your expectations is better than fighting to get her to sleep away from you which isn't really the biological norm for newborns.
We didn't co sleep although if done safely it's a good option for many. We did alternate shifts at night.
Congratulations on her arrival!

Try putting her in the next to me swaddled and awake. Lay right next to her and gently pat pat on her chest, or tilt her slightly on her side a bit and pat pat her bum. One she drfts off, keep patting for a good 5 to 10 mins before slowing the patting down theb stopping. If she's still on her side a bit, gently roll her back onto her back.

Congratulations!

We are carrying mammals trying to live in a nesting society. We are not designed to be left alone as infants, in case a tiger eats us

Safe bedsharing is the solution for most, and sling naps in the daytime. Lullaby Safe sleep seven has info. And James McKenna’s sleep lab. Unfortunately it’s only truly safe if breastfeeding.

We had this at first, it’s normal but awful when you’re exhausted.

What worked for us was laying down a t shirt I’d been wearing all day on the bottom of the crib, and using a rolled up blanket to make a ‘u shape’ at the bottom to make it smaller (both health visitor approved ideas).

We also have a Ewan dream sheep which really seems to help.

Our little one now sleeps beautifully in her next to me (daytime naps another story!)

If yours keeps refusing to sleep make sure you have some time with DH holding the baby so you can get some rest!

If you have one that is open at one side and attached to your bed you can have an arm around her with out rolling in to her but with DD I found I could get away with just holding her feet in one hand.

As pp said, start them off awake in there rather than trying to put her down.

I echo others and suggest reading about the 4th trimester. It's completely normal for a baby so small!

Whilst exhausting it is totally normal!
Baby doesn't understand they are a different person to you yet so much prefers being snuggled in close.
Co sleeping works for lots but we were too scared so we took it in shifts to hold between feeds. Make sure you get a Good list of TV shows!
It does get easier eventually, we are 7 weeks today and she did a 4 hour stint last night!

For us the answer was a dummy. After three nights of near delirium with no sleep for us we introduced the dummy and he finally slept for a few hours at a time in the bassinet 🙏🏻

I just don't understand how this continues to be allowed to happen to women. Every woman who may want children should be educated on normal baby behaviour before becoming pregnant. Every single day there are threads on here from first time mums who ask why their baby doesn't want to be put down. The fourth trimester should be compulsory education in school or something.

Back to you OP. Congratulations on your baby! Safely co-sleep and meet baby's needs and yours at the same time.

She was in you just a few weeks ago. This part is hard but she just wants to be near you. It passes!

I completely agree! New parents are being failed in the lack of evidence based info that is shared.

Normal . Used to sit for 20/40 mins until deep sleep watching tv on low vol until she was fast asleep and then put down in next to me with hand on her. But each child is diff.

You got this mama!

Co sleeping works for lots but we were too scared so we took it in shifts to hold between feeds

@FirstT1meMum congratulations! sounds like you’re finding your rhythm.

I’m sure you are extremely cautious and know your tiredness limit. But, just want point out for others that it’s far, far, far safer to sleep with a baby on a firm bed, having planned to safe bedshare, than risking accidentally falling asleep on a sofa whilst holding a baby.

In my NCT group pretty much all of us were sat up with our babies at 5 days doing shifts. By 2 weeks most were sleeping in their next to me. At this point my daughter had to be held for and hour before my daughter would go in her cot. She woke for a feed every 3h we had 1h with 2-3 nappy changed (10-20 poos a day) and breastfeed. Followed by 1h of holding her and then I got 1h of sleep before the cycle continued. We started cosleeping at this point as I was at risk of accidental cosleeping. I'm glad I did as her sleep soon deteriorated and she was waking 5-10 times a night. My daughter has severe reflux and food allergies which has has a significant impact on her sleep. The other 6/7 babies this was a short period and it was only the baby that had more significant reflux issues that struggled to go down to sleep after tje first few weeks

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughtful replies.

My husband and I are taking shifts (I pump during the day as I am exclusively breastfeeding) using the mini cot and nest we have downstairs as well as a dummy which seems to be working well.

We’ll switch to the next to me when she’s a little older and we think she’s ready.

I’ve done a little reading about the forth trimester too. Thanks for that!