Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

How to help my daughters bond

3 replies

Thankfkitsfriday · 07/02/2024 18:19

There is quite an age gap. I have a 6 Yr old and a 10 month old, I'm not expecting miracles but the 10 month old just doesn't want to be near anybody but me. She can tolerate dad but will swing on my leg and follow me about all day every day. When my eldest goes near her, tries to pick her up (which I've told her not to do because she doesn't like it) all hell breaks loose. My eldest doesn't even have to do anything and if she's too close, trying to give her a toy, hold her hand she just screams and latches onto me. Im just at a loss. I'm there with them playing and I watch it unfold that I suggest things my eldest can do to play with her but it will always end up in screaming. I can't say my eldest is infallible but it shouldnt lead to such a meltdown. I've found bubbles and peekaboo they can play together but this literally lasts 10 minutes. I have the rest of the evening to fight through since their dad works evenings. Please some advice. Am I doing it wrong? Is this normal? will it get better? I just feel sad I'm letting them both down as I can't seem to please either party and I can see my eldest losing patience. Thank you to anyone who replies

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
AutumnFroglets · 07/02/2024 18:56

Your eldest isn't giving the youngest her space. She's trying to pick her up, hold hands, sitting right next to her, forever trying to touch her... neither of you are listening so she has a meltdown. Be firm and consistent about eldest giving her space, let the youngest go to her when ready.

Remember, it will all blow over soon. Then three months later your eldest will be screaming because the toddler has drawn on her Elsa duvet, ripped her favourite dress, and thrown bedtime Teddy out of the window. Breathe and count to ten (and have a hidden chocolate stash).

Thankfkitsfriday · 07/02/2024 19:14

AutumnFroglets · 07/02/2024 18:56

Your eldest isn't giving the youngest her space. She's trying to pick her up, hold hands, sitting right next to her, forever trying to touch her... neither of you are listening so she has a meltdown. Be firm and consistent about eldest giving her space, let the youngest go to her when ready.

Remember, it will all blow over soon. Then three months later your eldest will be screaming because the toddler has drawn on her Elsa duvet, ripped her favourite dress, and thrown bedtime Teddy out of the window. Breathe and count to ten (and have a hidden chocolate stash).

Thank you this is a very good suggestion and something I have thought about before but honestly didn't persue. The problem I have is in the evenings when I have both of them I can't have one on one time with either since it's just me. So I'm trying to spend time and play with my eldest whilst I have the 10 month old crawling all over me (literally!) and ruining activities (as babies do!) so I try to play a game thats age appropriate for both but it's not quite working right now and it just ends up in frustration on both ends. Thank you for the suggestion though I will definitely speak to my eldest tonight when I'm putting her to bed about it as she isn't the best at personal space I can say that much

OP posts:
AutumnFroglets · 07/02/2024 19:25

Mine were 6yrs apart. You have to direct their attention away from each other which is exhausting for you, but it will get easier.

You play/read with lo on one side of sofa, eldest is on other side playing with barbie or cars. Maybe cuddle both and eldest can read her school book to you both. Get eldest to do a teaparty sitting down. She can ask lo to pass things, if she says no then just carry on. LO will sneakily watch, then pass a teapot, then hid behind you. Or colouring, lo gets to choose the colour, or barbie clothes. Always make sure your body is in between unless lo decides to get nearer.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page