Contact with 12 week old baby

[Poppalina37]

Quick back story.

6 month relationship. Baby conceived (unplanned). I wanted the baby; he did, then didn't. Relationship ended.

He ghosted me after telling me to contact CSA for child support when I was 5 months pregnant. He wouldn't give me any medical details which my midwife asked for.

We both have 4 children each from previous marriages. He has regular contact with his children. I have mine who also see their father regularly.

I didn't inform him of our daughter's birth as any communication regarding her or financials wasn't pleasant before and I was very poorly after so concentrated on recovering and breastfeeding.

Fast forward to 11 weeks I contacted him with some photos and said should he wish to meet her I'm sure that we can sort something. He responded and met her. It went well, he asked for a DNA test which has confirmed that he is the father- obviously- he has said that he would like 50:50 access.

This is not something that I want to commit to at this stage- will not rule out in the future. I feel we need to get to know each other. Upon dating him it became pretty clear that his 5 year old daughter was introduced to many of 'daddy's' friends. So I'm fully aware his contact with our daughter will probably follow the same trajectory.

I'm confident that I can give her a safe and secure home life and that he also will thrive to do the same.

I'm just some advice on how we move forward.... I don't want to be seen as being awkward or weaponising my daughter x I just don't want to agree to 50:50 with a complete stranger.

There is no point being nasty saying a should have had a termination.... because I tried and just couldn't. I'm almost certain we can make this work. Just need a helping hand for all three of us to build a relationship.

Despite, the 6 months relationship... I would use that term loosely... as it was a more hook up and have fun... for me the relationship has no longevity despite me trying.

What contact do you think is acceptable at present and moving forward x

Grateful for some advice xx

Well he isn't going to get 50/50 given he has zero relationship with his child. He is clearly doing it to try and prevent him from paying child support.

At this stage I would ensure you keep all interactions via whats app as a trail. Come up with a plan for him to visit to allow him to build a relationship with his child which places the childs welfare at the forefront. if he is a good father he wont be pushing to take her from you as he doesnt know her. If he does start I would seek legal advice

Perfectly understandable that you want to say no for now. I presume he isn't on the birth certificate so you are well within your rights to refuse.

@rogueone my friend said this..... their is already something going on there financially as he's ab architect and owns his own business. He claims to have an annual income of 9k so his payment for our daughter is £96 a month with arrears. He has not contributed to anything. I received the first payment 1st February. We talk via email only so that's good from the sounds of things.

@LdnReno no he's not on the birth certificate. He was surprised by this... he'll obviously want that sorted moving forward. I'm waiting to hear back from him regarding next steps. Just want some idea on what's reasonable.

Stick with the BFing if you can OP. He's unlikely to get overnights until LO is 18 months if you are BFing.

The first time he misses a payment I'd go through CMS.

Can I ask what you mean by his DD being introduced to his "friends"?

@CadyEastman he clearly introduced her to lots of different woman. I met her and his teenage children. I believe I was the only one to meet his teens however his youngest went everywhere with him. They both stayed at my home when my children were with their dad and when I asked would her mother mind he said that it was none of her business. He showed me messages from his ex wife asking him to consider their children's feelings and to date women on his child free weeks but he wasn't interested. He certainly wasn't happy when I agreed with her.

We had been at soft play and one of his exes was there. We seemed to bump into quite a few exes 🤦‍♀️

I last saw him April 23.... my best friend has been stalking his profile on Facebook and he's had 2 girlfriends since then... he said that he has been discussing contact with his new partner.... who I thought was this woman on Facebook and it turns out it's a different lady. The lady who I thought was his partner message me in early November stating that he was keeping my pregnancy a secret from his ex wife, kids and family..