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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

My 11 year old son crying all the time ????

26 replies

Misslauralu · 06/02/2024 23:34

Anyone experienced there kids at this age crying all the time ???
I'm really struggling and loosing my mind.
He really doesn't speak so I don't even no why he's crying 😢

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Wanttobeok · 06/02/2024 23:36

Doesn't speak as in non verbal or just not very communicative?

My DC was very emotional and teary at that age. We thought he may be being bullied but in hindsight I think it was probably hormones and being frustrated that we assumed he was being bullied

Original poster

Misslauralu · 06/02/2024 23:47

Just doesn't communicate :( .... he was getting bullied that's gone quiet but he's still crying xx

OP posts:

Wanttobeok · 07/02/2024 00:24

Are you sure the bullying is resolved? Have you spoken to the school or has he just stopped talking to you about it

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Singleandproud · 07/02/2024 00:25

Have you tried talking via WhatsApp instead of face to face, they often find that easier

ReadtheReviews · 07/02/2024 00:45

I've llkept my 7 year old off school before due to being very teary and not telling me why. Figured good if something at school was the problem and if not, she needed the break as obviously overwrought about something.

With her it turned out she was coming down with something plus silly arguments in her girl group.

caringcarer · 07/02/2024 00:48

Wanttobeok · 07/02/2024 00:24

Are you sure the bullying is resolved? Have you spoken to the school or has he just stopped talking to you about it

It sounds like he may be still getting bullied. Is this at school? Have you been into school? If it's not resolved I'd look to move him to another school. It's not fair if bullies are making his life miserable. Also OP just to warn you some kids who are bullied none stop and find it hard to discuss with others may try to take their own life. Can you get him some counselling?

endofthelinefinally · 07/02/2024 00:53

Misslauralu · 06/02/2024 23:47

Just doesn't communicate :( .... he was getting bullied that's gone quiet but he's still crying xx

This is a huge red flag. It sounds as if he is in despair.
What did you do about the bullying?
Do you know if and how it was resolved?
Have you followed up with the school?
I think you should keep him off for a couple of days and really try to get to the bottom of this.

BestZebbie · 07/02/2024 00:57

That sounds as if he feels that something has gone terribly, irreparably wrong in his life. You urgently need to work out what so that you can support him through it - it may or may not be as bad or permanent as he thinks it is, but you won't be able to help him until you know.
You say you are "struggling and losing your mind" over the crying - you also need to get support for yourself from a friend or family member about this, away from him, so that your emotions don't make him feel rejected/shamed/unsupported/scared or guilty about opening up to you. When you are with him it needs to be about his grief, not your frustration.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 07/02/2024 01:16

no, my 12 year old boys certainly did not cry all the time. i would seriously listen and go with my gut. i would suspect the worse and dig deep into the cause of this. crying can be a very healthy response but it can also stop being helpful at a certain point.
i would not be putting up with this and i would be doing all that's necessary to make him happy and if that means changing schools it would happen in a a heartbeat. equally seeing any medical or professional.

VashtaNerada · 07/02/2024 03:38

If he’s not ready to communicate, just sit with him while he’s crying and speak to him calmly and kindly. You could offer him a notebook and say that he’s welcome to write his thoughts in there if he’s not able to say them out loud. People also recommend trying to communicate whilst doing something else like playing a game or going for a drive. It may be hormonal and he genuinely can’t articulate what’s making him so sad or there could be an actual issue he needs help with. Poor little thing. Just try to stay calm and not show your own anxiety to him. I hope things get better

helpnohelpno · 07/02/2024 05:35

Obviously something is really wrong if he's crying all the time. (As in something's a big issue to him)

I'd speak to school and see if anything is wrong. Is he happy to go?

I'd comfort him, reassure him you are there to support him. You could suggest he writes stuff down instead if words are too hard.

What about some counselling you could arrange it through school or Gp.

Stormysundaymorning · 07/02/2024 05:38

Can you both have a day off school and work. Just to relax, he might open up to you

Katieflake · 07/02/2024 06:23

My 11 year old very rarely cries. He’s been a bit emotional this week because he’s shattered and ill but if he’d gone quiet and cried a lot I’d be really worried. I think you need to get to the bottom of the bullying.
I agree with the others to take a day off with him, do something nice that involves a reasonably long drive and see if you can get him to open up. Also talk to the school today.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 07/02/2024 06:26

My DS is 11 and doesn’t cry all the time. Sometimes yes but then he tells me what’s bothering him and we work it out.
He sounds terribly unhappy. I agree keep him off school and try and get him to open up?
Its awful when your child is upset.

redskybluewater · 07/02/2024 06:53

I would be worried and take it seriously. If possible keep him at home for a day.
Once he's relaxed a bit, try to get him engaged with helping you with some sort of boring activity, say sorting out sock drawer, or something. You might find he's more willing to chat if you don't have to make eye contact and have the excuse to be "doing something else " to avoid awkward pauses.

Meadowfinch · 07/02/2024 06:59

Have you talked to his teachers? Does he have friends?

The poor love sounds like life is utterly miserable at the moment and he's not coping. Is he isolated and alone. Excluded from social stuff at school.?

You need to get to the bottom of it op. Can you take him on a long car journey, no eye contact and gently ask him questions. Give him lots of your time. Tell him you love him. That anything he tells you is fine. All problems can be sorted. Don't be irritated with him, no matter how frustrating.

Toomuchgoingon79 · 07/02/2024 07:09

No my kids weren't like this all the time. When they were tearful it turned out to be bullying that was going on. We sat down had a good chat, put in in measures to stop it by taking it seriously- going to school and actually removing my eldest and starting him at a new school where he thrived.

Poor kid sounds so down. As much as it's frustrating for you it is a lot worse for him.

Original poster

Misslauralu · 08/02/2024 00:17

I've read all the responds ...
Many thanks for everyone's advice however I haven't just sat back and let him cry if that is what people assume I have done !

he's never really been a communicater ... we write notes when he struggles .
I have been into school various times , spoken to the bullies even threatened them myself since I didn't believe the school took me serious
I've gave him time off but he just wants to isolate himself to his bedroom on computer games
I've also been put on a transfer list for school but they is a waiting list :/
they is other personal issues that do get him sad he has serve excema which is now controlled with needles

Someone said to me this is the normal age for hormones to be all over the place this is why I was asking on here , I didn't really think I would be judged as a bad parent 😅😅

OP posts:

bradpittsbathwater · 08/02/2024 00:20

This is very worrying. I'd be tempted to take him out of school as he's clearly being badly bullied.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 08/02/2024 06:09

I have just re read the replies and no one said you are a bad parent. You obviously care about your little boy and you’re wondering what to do for the best.
I think I agree with those who say take him out of school for a little while. As an adult if we were this depressed we’d be signed off work.

LightSwerve · 08/02/2024 06:41

I'd look at his life and see where you can support him.
Do you know what he's doing online? It would've a good idea to investigate if there is any online bullying, review his devices.

Make an appointment with the Deputy Head for Pastoral - don't say what it is just send an email saying you have very serious concerns and need an urgent appointment. Then follow up in writing after the meeting with your concerns and the fact you want school to check what is going on.

Does he want to move school? Even when being bullied it is ommon for children not to want to move. This could be stressful.

What is his life like outside school? You say he wants to go online - what other activities could you put in place and what extra stuff can you do with him? Could he be lonely? I'd be looking at playing board games, card games, watching a long series together, cooking, gardening, exercising together.

Do you talk to him about the emotions rather than the causes? He is at a hormonal age which makes feelings stronger, but that doesn't mean they're not real. It can be very hard to tell. Get him a teen book about emotions and use the right words yourself. Don't pressure him for info but say things like 'If you're sad, I am always here to be with you.' If writing has worked before, do it again.

TLDR: investigate both at home and school, add in loads of positive attention, provide emotional support.

Sunnnybunny72 · 08/02/2024 06:41

Is his dad around?

Superscientist · 08/02/2024 08:40

I cried all the time, it started at 8 was bad at 11 and 14 and 16 then 18. I was in my mid 20s before I could communicate my needs.
I don't know when I heard the word depression but when I was 11 I asked my mum if I could be depressed and my mum replied with "good girls don't get depression". At 18 I was eventually diagnosed with depression, anxiety and anorexia. Mid 20s I was diagnosed with bipolar. Right from being 8 years old I was having depressive episode with bone chilling emotional pain with no cause or reason it's just there and I have to sit with it. I can say it now but for such a long time I couldn't articulate the deep sadness that I felt inside. It wasn't caused by things people had said or things that had happened it's just there.

I hope your son isn't the same I just wanted to raise that for some they really don't have an answer for why are you crying or why are you sad. Also be careful about choices of words my mum's words still haunt me 25 years later

MissyB1 · 08/02/2024 08:47

Are pastoral care team involved at school? If not they need to be. Also ask if there is a school counsellor (it may be easier for him to open up to them. I would consider restricting the alone in his room gaming time, he needs a balance of time alone, physical exercise, time with others. Would he join a club /hobby outside of school?

uneasyfeeling · 08/02/2024 08:58

Big red flag! You are a good, caring mother to have asked for advice. He really needs your full, unconditional help and support. He is clearly very very deeply hurt about something.

First make sure he knows you are always there for him. No matter what how bad or even silly. Keep repeating kindly and lots of love.

Also first double check it's not some serious abuse. I also heard in year six the boys were forcing other boys to open their zips and expose their privates and laughing at them. Nothing more than that. But that alone can be traumatising.

Good advice from other commenters to check with school and professionals, keep him close to you for a few days till he calms down. Get support from reliable family members etc.

All the very best

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