The other day a boy of 8 ran from the Swimming Pool, Across the road, and to the bus stop ....

[QuintessentiallyAnEmptyCave]

I was on the bus going home from town when I saw a little boy of 8 who lives further down my road, run across the road from the Swimming Pool, and stood waiting at the Bus Stop when we got there.

He entered the Bus, waited inside the bus, pressed the button to get off before our stop. He left the bus, looked left and right, waited till it was clear and crossed the street. He took the key from his pocket and opened his front door.

I cannot imagine my son (nearly six) being so self reliant in 2 years time.

Casting my mind back to another recent thread where a 19 year old girl would need a companion to travel across London, I wonder, how much freedom to develop and mature into independet beings do we give our kids?

Some parents wont let their 8 year olds go to the post box on the corner, some wont let them cross the road and go through the school gates on their own, and others let their children leave the swimming pool and take the bus home on their own.

How safety conscious are we? Are we maybe stiffling our children?

I live in Germany and the children here generally have much more freedom than children in UK.

My DD will be 6 next month and starts school after the summer holidays. I will accompany her to school for the first couple of months, then she will be allowed to go on her own.

My SIL let her DD go to school on her own when she was 7yo. This involved getting a tram, changing trams in the town and then crossing busy road when she got there (with traffic lights).

Is seen as completely normal here.

When I think back to my own childhood in Scotland, we had much more freedom to roam than children today have.

Mixed feelings about it.
I think 8 is a bit too young (my ds is 8),
But I think its a good age to get them maybe thinking about being more independant.

I let my ds stay home on his own for about 5 mins the other day- i had to pick dd up from gym, and dh was a few minutes away.

I felt quite comfy about it - ds is sensible, but dh wasn't happy, and ds felt "a bit funny".

at Germany .. really? a 6 year old?

You see, that is the difference. I would leave DD alone for a 10 minutes to go and pick up DS from kindergarten. She is almost 6yo and very sensible.

But it is acceptable here so I would not think anything of it.

I think it's never too young to start teaching kids independance and self-reliance, it's just What that involves that is a bit contentious sometimes.

Our society does mollycoddle children a lot more than some other societies though, whether or not that's a good or bad thing is debatable.

I once dated a guy at university who had never slept away fomr his parents (no sleepovers,camps, dofE etc.) until he went to uni. Needless to say he went off the rails and so did his mum.

In 1971 80% of children in this country aged 7 or 8 went to school by themselves

I think it's reasonable to assume that a fair proportion of 6 year olds did too

In 1971 the average 7 year old did things like go to shops on their own

At 10 a lot of children have to get two buses or a train and a bus to secondary school in the next town. I think a couple of stops home on the bus at 8 is just about right. But I am notoriously robust on such matters

I think also, we can nurture independance and self-relaince is our children without them having to go out alone. Way too many parents do far too much for their children that they could otherwise do for themselves. Then they wonder why the kids are always shouting "^muuuum, help me!" when it comes to simple stuff at home.

I think it would be far more loving of parents to teach their children to do things for themselves rather than always doing everything for them.

F&Z I was 7/8 in 1971 and I went to school alone. I also went over the main road to the shops for my mum at 6.

But there wasn't the traffic then that there is now. And people looked out for children and intervened when necessary. I lived in a city, but in an area where everyone knew everyone else. If I was naughty someone would tell my mum. Had I got into difficulty they would have helped. Can we be sure of that now?

my daughter is 9 and there is no way she would be getting on a bus by herself.

My children are independent in terms of being able to tidy up after themselves and cook simple meals for themselves (dd is 9 and ds1 is 7)but I don't leave them in the house by themselved or let them take themselves any where (much to my daughters disappointment)

I have an awful upbring which means that i am very careful with who looks after my children for me. I am worried that someone may hurt them (which is illogical i know) just because my sisters and i were abused by oure stepmother. I mean if she could do it to us, why would someone not do it to my children?

I know that i need to get over this for my childrens sake but it will take a bit of time i think.

I let my just turned 7 year old cycle around our block of houses the other day

I watched his little leggies pedalling like mad as he went to the end of the road .. then walked up to the next road and watched him pedalling back with a big grin on his face

and do you know what, we live in a quiet neighbourhood in London, no roads to cross and still my heart was in my mouth

When in the past 20 or 30 years did things change in Britain though?

I do not think that children in Germany are more or less at risk than children in UK, just the risks are perceived differently.

Perhaps some of it has to do with the fact that children go to school later here and so the step from kindergarten to school is seen to be the step into independance.

It is strange, and I agree with Cali on this. They leave their kindergarten where they have been mollycoddled for 3 years and start school and all of a sudden they are expected to be very independant.

What is it like in other countries then?

You can't imagine doing it with your PFB. But with your NSCs they often have the experience of doing things younger because they may accompany their older sibs to the shops or go swimming etc. When the situation arises when they go off to a friends house or to post a letter on their own you don't stop and think "Oh they are only 6/7/8 I shouldn't let them go", you just consider how sensible they have been in previous situations.

So had he been swimming by himself? This may not be entirely rational, but I think I would be more nervous about a child of that age swimming without having a parent (or someone in loco parentis) watching them, than about the actual journey home. I have heard too many stories of children drowning in swimming pools and not being noticed by lifeguards until it was too late.

6 year olds go alone to school in Norway too.
When we move back, I suppose I will have let him go alone to school, too.

My friends children roam around on the outside alone, from age 3! They are quite happily going between the front garden and the play ground, and to their friends unsupervised.

Melpomene, I dont know whether he was at the pool alone. He was dripping wet in his hair, wearing only a t shirt and jeans, with a swim bag over his shoulder. It was around 4 pm, so he might have had a swimming lesson with his class, and just gone home alone by bus.

At our pool, they are allowed to swim unsupervised from aged 8. And they do - either on their own or in groups. Whoever said they have heard "too many stories" - well one is too many, of course, but I can only remember 2 in the 12 years since I've had children - and one of those was a child with special needs who wasn't being looked afre properly by the supervising adult, so it is a vanishingly small risk, compared to the benefits of independence.

My 10-year-old walks a mile to the swimming pool with her friend, goes swimming, buys a hot chocolate in the cafe and then they walk home. She doesn't have a mobile phone, but she is always home by the time I specify.
DD2 has turned 8 and if she wants to do this too, I will let her. (Wouldn't have let DD1 at that age because she wasn't as strong a swimmer then). They are sensible and know what to do if they have a problem.
But some of my friends think I am MAD.

if you are prepeaed to take the risk and maybe have a few kids rather than one...

How very, very silly.

What or who is being silly?

My 7yo dd is allowed to play out on her bike in our cul de sac, but public transport at 6?
And isnt it illegal to leave a 7yo home alone? What if there was a fire ?
V.shocked by this thread.
Am I an over protective mollycoddling mother?

No not illegal. There is no age limit on when you can leave a child, it is more down to whether they are 'put at risk' or not, so you the parent take that decision.