Very sensitive son.. or something else ?

[Stopeatingcookies]

Hi all,
I need some advice if anyone has any.
My son is 5 in March, he’s bright, empathetic, creative, inquisitive, funny. (He really is these things, I’m not being biased!), but he’s sooo sensitive and I panic he will lose friends or struggle to make friends.
I do question whether he’s on the spectrum but when I look at signs, he doesn’t have the majority and seems to fall under the “highly sensitive child” umbrella. He hates loud noises, (but fine if he’s making the loud noises and he wants drums for his birthday), hates big groups, but got two best friends who he adores and will play with others in school (no issues in school at all, he’s the model pupil). He likes familiarity and once he’s comfortable he’s generally good to go.
He is getting more confident (no tears and loads of smiles in the last school Christmas play, but tears in nursery), but the last class party we went to, he sobbed so much I had to bring him home when food was served because he just wanted to keep on playing. He hates shouting unless it’s playful/pretend fighting/monsters etc.
I know he is spoilt (his sister died a few years before he was born, so we do spoil him and wrap him up in cotton wool)
If you have got this far, (thank you), my question is, does this sound like a sensitive child or are there other factors in play.
If you had a sensitive child, how did it pan out?
I find it hard to navigate, and when he’s crying or super uncomfortable I feel like the worst parent on Earth, but I do appreciate at his age, his feelings are still huge.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. No wonder you “spoil” him.

I have to say about the labels “highly sensitive child” and “deeply feeling kid”, these are often terms used in the US by people who prefer not to consider neurodivergence, so chances are a lot of these real examples are actually neurodivergent.

Your DS sounds similar to mine in some ways - he’s just turned 5, he can be slow to warm up depending on the setting, he’s a very good boy in school although he needs his space sometimes and the teacher knows to give him a minute or two alone every now and then, and he rejoins the group when he’s ready. He plays with the other kids and he does like the odd boisterous game like playing baddies, pirates etc, but he doesn’t like much rough and tumble. He just seems a lot more sensitive than other kids his age though, he loses his temper and cries very easily. He’s clingy too, and takes a while to trust new people.

If I’m honest I can imagine my DS is on the spectrum, I have one ND DS already and it runs in families. There isn’t enough to warrant a referral for DS2 at the moment, so will just have to see how he carries on in school.

Either way, your DS sounds lovely, as is mine!

@freespirit333 thank you ☺️ he is so lovely, but his sensitivity has been playing on me. I don’t want to see it as anything wrong, but at the same time, if there is I want to do something about it, or just learn the best way to navigate it. Like your son I don’t think there is enough for a referral at the moment. He’s had a great week in school as well, and super happy in the evenings. I just don’t know. I will keep a close eye on him x

That’s all we can do as parents @Stopeatingcookies. My advice having already had an ND kid diagnosed (ADHD), is never be afraid to raise things with his teachers. Unless your DS is causing huge problems, he’s likely to fly under the radar. It took until my eldest being in Y2 for teachers to really see that actually, he shouldn’t be constantly getting up from his seat etc at that age!

I keep coming back to this thread and especially your comment @Waytogoidaho
I feel he’s very sensitive as opposed to anything else but I’ll keep an eye. He had new sliders earlier and couldn’t walk properly in them, he cried but it lasted all of 20 seconds and he went to play outside so I still wonder, as I know most kids wouldn’t cry at that. But whatever he is, or has, he’s just perfect x

Hi how’s your son now ? ☺️

Hi, thanks for asking! He’s great! Still sensitive but getting more confident. I had a glowing report on his parents evening and the teacher had no concerns at all. She said he’s bright, funny and has loads of friends, always sticking his hand up and getting involved.
I just think he’s sensitive and thats his personality and thats fine ☺️ he’s 6 next month and is super excited for his party. I’ll always worry, as mothers do! But so far, so good 🙌🏼
xx

He sounds like my 6yo (who is most definitely not 'spoiled' in the way you describe - so I think it's likely that's not related)!

I am actually diagnosed autistic myself so it does stay in the back of my mind. However I have/had lots of additional difficulties that my DC doesn't have. So for now I do think that my DC is just very sensitive/empathetic/intense personality type. They've always been like that - cried for the first year of their life, even!

As they age they get more confident and better at communicating and regulating their big feelings. Im definitely going to check out some of the book recommendations on this thread though for some more suggestions to support them.

@LegoHouse274 “sensitive/empathetic/intense personality type”, this is exactly my boy. I’m just learning this is who he is. It’s funny, as his best friend shows no emotion whatsoever, never even seen him cry, but they get on so well.

Do you happen to remember how he was around 2 ? I know it is an ask but I think my little girl might be the same ☺️

My little girl is only 24 months but she is very sensitive, doesn’t have tantrums as such and happy to be redirected if it is a no from “us” doesn’t like big groups but would play happily alongside kids . The moment we raise our voices , even if it is a joke or singing a song , she would look at us and start to well up and run towards us from comfort . My DH was massaging my neck once and I let a “ ouch “ out a little bit harder and she got upset with DH and tried to run towards me ☺️

@Sophiakurby25 he was great at words and very emotional, very clingy to me, wanted to fall asleep in our arms still, hard to get him to sleep through the night. But he was soo funny and expressive. He’s always had a mad imagination, wants to play. I just watched some videos of him when he was 2, and he was hilarious and cheeky. Aww I miss those days.

Yes my boy was like that as well. Even now we can’t raise our voices, and we are not shouters any way, but if someone is shouting out and about, he hates it even now. He doesn’t react like he used to though, he seems to care less but he still notices stuff like loud noises and voices. He hated hand dryers but can put up with them now.

My little girl is great with words as well and can get her needs met very clearly . Last question I promise , did your lovely boy go through a picky phase food wise around 2 ? X

Keep asking questions!
I think so if I remember but I think he was on and off picky for a while. Now he loves to try new things (we don’t eat meat so he’s never eaten meat but he loves fish).
He won’t eat peas, raw tomato, meat or pickled onions. He will try anything else though.

Any updates mums ? How is your child now ? Better ?

Well as I get to the end of 2025, I still think there is an issue, possibly dyspraxia. I’m going to talk to his teacher soon. It’s not just the sensitive issue, there is also an issue with his feet (slight flat feet), that affect his gait. So maybe not just super sensitive after all.

You need to stop rewarding him for mirroring your emotions and holding your list child up this way. I don’t mean to br rude but you are burdening him horribly by this behavior . I lost a sister at a young age—I was 8 and she was six—but mercifully my parents did not weep in front of me or continually bring her up or make me bear a grief too large for me.

I probably cry once a year about his sister around her birthday … we talk about her because her photos are in the house. He’ll ask about her now and again (not so much now) @pikkumyy77 and I don’t ask him about her or what he thinks of her, but now and again he’ll say “is xxx in heaven” and we’ll have a little chat about it.

I wouldn't expect teachers to have much idea OP. No one ever picked up on DS's dyspraxia and his ASD was only picked up at 10 by a teacher who happened to have just gone on a course. Even she was really unsure and his final teacher at primary who filled out the report for assessment made it sound like he was the perfect child!

@itsmyp4rty thats my worry. I know he’s perfect at school! Not perfect as in reading writing etc, but he’s so well behaved. But we know don’t we! Mothers just know