10 year old boy, so very angry and unreasonable!

[MyLadyTheKingsMother]

Is this normal? I'm so worried that its not.

He flips like a switch. Example, he went out with my husband and his brother for a bike ride today. Had a great time, started to head back and husband asked him to put his coat back on.

Wouldn't do it because his hands were a bit wet (drizzly weather) and the coat stuck to his hands a bit.

Proceeded to refuse to move, had a massive tantrum and when he did start moving back towards home dragged his coat along the floor through mud and dog shit.

Refused to hose off his coat for the washer at first until I told him he'd be bloody wearing it for school, wet muddy and shit covered unless he did because I wasn't doing it for him when it's the result of an unreasonable tantrum.

He did it eventually after a long sulk and then stomped upstairs slamming, and banging as he went, then started hitting things in his room.

It's like this all the time. Every single day. I am exhausted by it.

No issues at school, no. Issues with friends, happy (generally) home.

Is this how it's going to be from now on?

Ah sounds like you may have the source of his anger and frustration then. All three of my children are dyslexic. I fought since p1 with the school about getting my eldest checked, it never happened till second year at secondary (so 13) as a result she now has low self esteem and anxiety. She felt stupid because she was struggling and didn't have a reason why, she then became angry and anything we asked of her would end in a fight because she had started to automatically go on defence mode as her esteem was so low.

In comparison to my other two children, they were diagnosed quickly after starting school and as a result don't have any of those issues as they are getting the correct support.

How does his behaviour changing tie in with when the SATS prep started? We don't do that up here.

Is his behaviour worse after a school day and on a Sunday (anxious about going back to school) how does it compare to when Friday evenings and Saturdays? What extra support is he getting at school?

'He's already lost his gaming privileges a few days prior due to becoming violent towards his dad asking him to get dressed for school.

He then damaged the car seat by kicking which lost him his TV too. '

I wouldn't have a ten year old 'gaming' nor would I have a tv in his room.

That's not criticism of you as I understand that the majority of parents allow this nowadays.

Mine are adults so I expect to be gold in out of touch.

However, children of my generation who didn't have all these electronic devices were not wilful or disobedient of their parents to the extent which they are today.

My own children did not have these outbursts at such a young age. My son never had any but my daughter around 15 had a few tantrums that could probably be heard on the moon!

But what I'm trying to say is that I have noticed in the media and on Mumsnet that children exposed to 'gaming' and electronic devices are prone to wilful behaviour/behavioural problems.

It must be hard to be a parent nowadays especially with the influence of other children being allowed to do all and sundry and not wanting your own child to be different or left out.

Personally I would get your son involved in a sporting activity such as judo etc.

Paul, with respect then your parenting advice is somewhat outdated. Which I accept you seem to acknowledge.

It's quite impossible to prevent going unless you want your child to be a social pariah. We restrict it instead.

And yes, children of your generation were indeed wilful and disobedient. Take off your rose tinted glasses.

@Capmagturk yes, its far worse on Sundays. There seems to be a big focus on prep for SATs but it's a decent school and they want them to do well because it looks good. I do try to tell him not to worry but his teachers seem to use their scores with each mock paper as a way to measure him.

He's actually really smart compared to me, I was terrible at school. Not academic in the slightest. The things he can do and understand is mind boggling. He makes me so proud.

I make sure not to pressure him to excel and just encourage him to do the best he can and tell him that if he can say he has done his best then that's amazing.

How are they screened for dyslexia? His old teacher was keen but his new teacher seems a bit dismissive if I'm honest.

You reap what you sew.

Sow. 😩

I am a bit unsure if PP is genuine or just trying to be goady now

Yeah gonna ignore now @purpleme12

He was probably hungry after the bike ride .I would suggest packing a snack to keep hus blood sugar levels up.

Dyslexia doesn't mean they aren't smart (my eldest is at university now) it just means their brain processes things in a different way to ours and that of which the school teaches. A teacher explained to me that when they are little, they can go under the radar because they learn to "read" the school books back to you through the pictures and memory and maths is far easier. When it steps up around his current age is when they start to struggle as the work gets more in depth and challenging.

I'd contact the school and tell them you would like him to be assessed for Dyslexia, he should be put on the list to have it done. What is his behaviour like on a school day when he gets home? You say Sundays are bad, is he later in bed on a Saturday night?

There's something that's clearly affecting him negatively and it's just working your way through everything it could be methodically and ruling them out to try work out what it could be. I find whenever my children are playing up it often means they do need a bit more love and attention because they aren't feeling happy in themselves and don't know how to express it so its down to us to make them feel safe, loved and supported. They don't just change from loving, laid back kids for no reason.

Im not a huge fan of punishments per se, I prefer to sit them down when calm and talk about what happened, what they could of done for the situation to have not turned out the way it did and reconfirm what will be done differently next time but completely agree that you were right to have made him rinse the

As an aside, I've noticed with my son, that he opens up and chats to me more when we are in the car ourselves and he's not having to give eye contact. I'd take him out for some one to one time and go do something nice, then on the way back ask him how he has been feeling recently, ask him how he feels before and after he gets angry. Ask him if there's anything that's been worrying or upsetting him recently that you can help with and let him know that he can tell you anything and as his mum you will do everything you can to make things better for him. It's so important to have open communication with boys from a young age and to continually remind them you are there for them and they can tell you anything so when they get older they know they can come to you about anything troubling them as they find it more difficult to open up than girls do, in my experience.

I would have been asking him why he got so upset, rather than telling him to hose off his coat (maybe that later though).

When I ask he just says he doesn't know and he doesn't feel in control of his body anymore.

Oh I know dyslexia doesn't mean not smart (sorry if it came across like that, I was just expressing how clever I think he is)

Thank you for taking the time to respond so fully its been really worrying me and causing arguments between me and DH and because of my husbands history of poor mental health I'm frightened to death my little boy is on the road to suffering too.

Just to add to the good advice you’ve had already op:

~ is there much competition between him and his siblings? One of my godsons got really stroppy like this when he got it in to his head that he was less academically bright and therefore less loved by his parents. He felt his younger brother was better at everything and was generally very pissed off about the unfairness of it all.

~ when my dc got stroppy and rebellious I took it as a sign that they needed a bit more challenge in their lives and a bit more responsibility. They hated being mollycoddled. Boys are so confined nowadays. It may mean he needs to do a few more risky (controlled risk) things or challenging tasks and be allowed the freedom to work out difficult things for himself.

^ Both of these theories could be entirely wrong but just mentioning in case!

Thanks 😊 no major sibling issues. They adore each other and both get equal time. I must say with eldest being so difficult lately we probably have avoided him a little. It's not nice being around a lit fuse!

I feel like I need to get him assessed for dyslexia and some more exercise.

It could well be his hormones if he is saying he doesn't feel in control. The book how to raise boys in the 21st century by Steve Bidulph is also a good one. Best of luck

I’d also think hard about the SATs pressure. I explained to mine that SATs are assessing the school. They were to do their best, but I refused to engage with the ramping up of pressure. No, not a chance.

I’m a univ lecturer so got no grief from the staff and I’m immune to claims that their education will suffer if they don’t do well. I was always polite, but made it clear they would not be doing excessive amounts of homework.

Hard work for GCSEs, yes - but not SATs; they’re too young.

Just to pop back to say that dyslexia comes under the neurodivergence umbrella and they tend to co-occur so may make sense he has some symptoms of other types of neurodivergence eg emotional dysregulation, sensory issues.

Omg we are having the exact problems with our 10yr old boy, it’s like a battle daily, honestly it feels everything we ask him to do, he will try doing the complete opposite, like he’s just purposely being defiant, but I have no idea why, it’s like he’s spoilt as it’s mainly when he gets told no to something. Glad we arnt alone but also here to say we feel your pain. No idea how to deal with this though, being strict seems to make him even worse, but surely I can’t just let him get his own way constantly

Hello everyone!

Forgot about this old thread 😊 sorry your going through it too @Swiftie1103

In the end we got to the bottom of it. He was suffering with a great deal of anxiety centered around upcoming changes at the time, move to senior school, new friends and so on and I got him in with a councellor for a few months.

This did wonders for him and he is like a different boy.

Still a butt head sometimes but no aggression or severe anger.