Judgement about childcare

[testy1997]

I've posted many times recently about my challenging 6 month old.

I started her in childcare one day a week. To give myself a break (she has been a difficult baby and I've suffered with PND) but also to prepare her for when I return to work - she's a Velcro baby who will not settle with anyone but me.

But I haven't told anyone ... until today. My MIL found out and I've heard all the judgement of how a baby doesn't belong in childcare at 6 months. I've struggled so much with PPD and this has sent me spiralling.

I don't really know what I want I guess. Perhaps just some advice that I'm not a monster for sending my girl into childcare whilst she's so little and that she won't be damaged by this? My other daughter started at 8 months so not much difference really.. but I just feel awful.

You’re not a monster
you’re doing the right thing - for her and you
your MIL has zero right to express her judgement to you
she should have compassion
yoru DH should be backing you to the hilt on this and speaking to his mum

You're not a monster. You're doing the right thing for you and your daughter. X

You’re a brilliant mum who is doing what’s right for her baby - you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help anyone else. Happy mum = happy baby. Have confidence in your own mum instincts - you know best what’s right for you and your baby.

Tell your dp/dh to tell his mum to back off. Who does she think she is?

Does dp/dh take the kids some time each week for you to have a break too? Because he should be.

I wish I did the same.. Well done you for prioritising you during this roller-coaster of a journey 💕

Stop feeling awful about it, remember you are sending her for your benefit which in turn benefits her. It isn't prison, it is childcare and I don't see your MIL offering to take her instead. Lots of childcare places take from 3 months old both my niece and nephew went at 3 months as my sister's maternity package was pants, they are now adults, no lasting effects from being in a nursery or wrap around before and after school care.

You are not a bad parent, in fact looking after yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. Get your Dh to have a word with his Mum, she is out of line making comments.

I had pnd and my daughter started nursery 2 days a week whilst I was still on maternity leave. Some mum's couldn't understand me sending her in for me to be at home but others understood that I had to look after myself too.
She's 3.5 now and hasn't suffered for being in nursery. She's still a velcro toddler but much more adventurous in familiar settings and I think from that respect nursery has been a benefit. She now does 4 days a week

If she thinks its so bad maybe mil should take her instead. It's so so vital to prioritise your mental health.

100% you have done the right thing.

Well she is talking rubbish and should keep her nose out. I don't think it makes sense that being with the parents all the time is best, it's good for children to associate with other care givers at a young age.
Some little have big families, what's the different between staying with an auntie one day a week and staying with a childminder?
At least a childminder is inspected and qualified, how many parents or other aunties are as highly checked and qualified as a childminder?
You do what you think it's best, and you mil can think what she likes, and ideally keep it to herself.

One day in childcare for you to get some rest and time for yourself is a great idea. Plenty of babies start childcare at 6 months - they usually settle quicker than older babies do as it's before the worst separation anxiety starts. Ignore MIL - if she continues then get your husband to tell her to back off!

I hope you are OK.
Be kind to yourself, you have done nothing wrong.

Thanks everyone. I guess I feel it too as she does look so little next to the others and I do feel guilty as I'm at home whilst she is there. My MILs words really hurt but maybe because I already feel so self conscious about it all.

You're not a monster at all. Millions of babies go into childcare far younger. I would however put her in on two days if you can (even just mornings or afternoons). I think it's fairly well accepted 1 day a week isn't enough as the gap between sessions is too big and they don't spend enough time there to properly settle. Most nurseries don't allow less than 2 sessions for this reason.

Of course you are not a monster. You are doing what's best for your baby. A happy mum with good mental health is what a baby needs, and you are trying to esure that happens.

Dont let anyone make you feel bad for your choices.

Ridiculous. Does your MIL know that maternity leave in France and Belgium is 12 weeks so majority of babies go into childcare then? It can be even less in the US. Are all those hundreds of thousands of mothers monsters too??

I went back to work after 6 months with both my DC and they went to childcare 3 days a week. Never bothered them, they were quite happy and are now thriving, gorgeous kids a few years later.

you are doing nothing wrong. It’s good for you and good for your child.

I was just coming on to say the same as @Prometheus

I live in France where paid maternity leave ends at 12 weeks. Anything after that is unpaid. My DD went full time to a childminder 5 days a week from 4 months old.

She is now 3 and we have the best bond and she is beautiful, loving, kind little girl. And I know loads of other parents here who have done exactly the same and their kids are all absolutely fine.

No-one outside your direct family gets to dictate your parenting choices. Your DH should absolutely be backing you up on this. Your MIL had her time bringing up her children and made her choices. It's now your turn and again you get to make the choices that are right for your family.

Bluntly, it is absolutely none of her business. This kind of attitude makes me really angry - it is hard enough being a parent without outsiders thinking they know best what is right for you.