Hi ladies
please tell me that I’m not the only one.
Me and DH constantly argue ever since baby arrived.
he took over anmonth off work and to be honest he was really hands on which was amazing but I had to ask him to allow me to spend time with baby as it felt like me and her hadn’t bonded as every bottle, nappy change, walk, was all with him. I’d wake up and baby would just be gone from beside me and they’d be off on a walk. I guess I sort of felt left out, I was completely forgotten about in his eyes.
he made me feel quite ashamed of myself in terms of the way I looked after baby, it’s not that he done anything nasty but he just wouldn’t say you look nice anymore and he’d sometimes make comments that were quite immature about my boobs leaking etc.
I’ve tried a few times since baby come to be intimate but he hasn’t wanted to know which does leave me feeling quite shit.
when DH went back to work it was like me and baby were a distant memory - I’ve always praised him for how hard he worked and all the things he does financially, however it quickly became wearing when he leaves the house at 4am and comes home at 6pm (not to earn extra money he just enjoys getting to work really early to get set up for the day). He also does emergency work so he works until 12am twice a week and every other weekend he works too. I keep asking him to just cut back on the work as I need help but nothing ever changes.
i guess I just feel like I’m an afterthought now, he goes to work and forgets about us entirely - he could go all day without calling to check in on us.
He’s lost all love and care for me, when I’m struggling with baby and sometimes I sit down and cry with a cuppa, he doesn’t sympathise or give me cuddles anymore. I just feel like since having baby he’s just changed completely.
in turn it makes me really short tempered because I’m so sleep deprived (as he leaves so early and does long hours I do all day and night feeds) and so at my wits end by the end of day from spending all day trying to settle baby whilst still keep house afloat (I do all housework, cooking, maintenance etc as he works so much which is understandable). I do know that I have changed too, but I guess having a baby does that to you.
i know the vast majority of people will say you’re just being horrible he goes out and works to provide and I do appreciate that, but I just feel like we have never argued so much as we do now and the work he does isn’t because baby is here he has done this before baby arrived but promised that he would cut back on hours (he’s not paid from 4am-6pm, only paid for core hours 8am-4pm) but this hasn’t happened.
the arguments are leading me to feel like I just want to divorce, sell up, and start afresh. But then I have thoughts about having to share baby and not see her some weekends and evenings and that breaks my heart.
we never used to argue before baby come, we were that couple that just laughed and joked, loved date nights, cuddled on the sofa all the time. It’s like I look at our relationship and it’s like looking at two different people.
does it actually get any better? Or am I meant to just accept my fate now and move on ….