Son refuses to go to school

[Fluffyitalian]

Hi.
I'm having a nightmare with my son. He literally refuses to get out of bed let alone get ready and go to school.
He's 11 now and a big lad so I can't physically lift him and drag him there.
I have explained the consequences of his actions but he doesn't seem to think it will happen....or dare I say care.
I have a social worker involved as his attendance has got so bad.
I struggle with my mental health and I know I have made it easy for him in the past by letting him stay off just to avoid conflict on a morning which I know is proper selfish but I do dread every day and find it difficult to sleep worrying about what the next day will bring.
I am now getting grief of his dad...he says I can't look after the bairn right and he gonna take him away from me.
All I want is the best for my son.

I wish I had listened to my kid when she started to refuse to go to school. I made her go and ended up with a whole bunch of anxiety related issues that she still grapples with. Turns out there was a lot of bullying and confusion going on that was swept under the carpet. If I could go back in time I would have just enrolled her in online schooling or something

If he struggles to talk about his feelings, then I think that there is a risk here that there’s an underlying reason here that either he doesn’t understand or is unable to communicate. I’d also take him to the doctor and explain what is going on so that they can check for anxiety/depression/neurodiversity.

So, in your position I think I’d start with counselling or therapy of some sort. Art therapy is good for kids who find talking difficult. I’d also buy him something like a journal where he can write his feelings.

Id get comfortable with taking him in late - if it takes until 11 then fine - and also homeschool on the days that he doesn’t go, so that you don’t add worrying about being behind to the other anxieties. Lots of praise when he goes even if he’s late/was horrible to you/only went for art etc.

Like other posters, I would restrict gaming/internet/screen time and treat foods. I’d probably offer these any day but in after school hours only - eg 4-8 - so that there isn’t any incentive to missing school. And I’d have a set fixed bedtime irrespective of what time he gets out of bed.

Id also insist on exercise every day. Chat to him about what he’d like to do. If there’s a sport he enjoys? Or would he gym or swim with you? Or would he like a running machine or weights for home?

This is what I do. We walk to school, we talk about the uncomfortable bits of school, we try to get it all out before the school is in view. If we don't then as soon as we see the school all the bad feelings come out at once and tears usually start. We sit outside school and wait 5 minutes, if he can't go in we wait another 5 minutes etc. If he really cannot do it we will go to the cafe near school. Talk it out. Try to get the negative feelings out. We may come to an arrangement where we just sit and talk for an hour and then he'll go in for a certain lesson, or after first break. I will always try my best to get him into school even if it's just half a day. Getting him in is a win. If he really cannot do it then we'll walk home again. I do not make berate him or scold him. It does no good. I praise the wins.

Yes that's correct. I said that I thought most of his opinions had stemmed from YouTube....
I don't think I said anything about the amount of time he spent on YouTube... hence why I replied to some posters saying assumptions make a fool out of me and you as most comments stated about how I should give him less time on internet etc..assuming I allow him to much access.
So that is an assumption.
You yourself have also just said some crap about internet usage and consumption so you are also ASSUMING i allow him to much.
I wasn't being rude to anyone i think you need to get a grip and a rethink