Co parenting where do I stand

[Dotsmum20]

Hi,

a bit of back story.

me and my ex broke up rather suddenly back in oct 21.
Between then and jan 22 he cut all financial support for me telling me I chose to work part time I made my bed lay in it. ( I worked part time so our daughter didn’t have to go nursery )

Jan 22 when I moved out of the property we rented together to try get on the council list he threatened to take my daughter off me due to going down the emergency housing route. So my parents took me and my daughter in.

we sorted our maintenance our self and the childcare agreement to go around his work due to him being a lorry driver.

He has never disclosed his actual income I just have to go off what he says. And when it comes to being reviewed yearly he is very cagey.

I started a new job Jan 22 which then fitted round child care along with nursery.
As my daughter has grown (30hrs funding) I have been able to up my hours and gain a promotion.

oct 23 managed to get out of my parents house and into a temp council flat.

Jan 24 daughter dad said he is struggling financially and is giving up the house and moving over an hour away to move in with his mum.
so I mentioned to him if he wanted me to meet half way with change overs it would have to be after work and not later in the evening like the current agreement. To which he fully agreed to the later time and him doing the traveling.

Feb daughter’s dad has said that he is looking at changing his job to work Sunday to Wednesday which then changes the whole childcare agreement.

(Currently 2 week rota ;
saturday 4pm till Monday 630
sunday 3pm till Monday 630 )

he has said one week he wants to have her Wednesday evening till Saturday evening.

he has also mentioned that he wants to convert a van and turn it into a camper and live in this with our daughter.

currently our daughter is going through assessments for asd spd. So requires space when melting down due to violence and throwing things so I don’t think a van is the right place for her to be.

where do I stand with all of this.
do I have rights to say this will cause unnecessary issues with regards to the set up we currently have.

My hours would have to change at work to accommodate this

Also with this her starting school in September me wanting her in her home town for school mornings and not over an hour away.

any help will be greatly appreciated

I would refuse. For a pre schooler with suspect ASD that’s a very long time to be away from her primary carer. If he disagrees her can take you to court.

I would refuse to change your working hours, you need to agree contact that will fit around school.

Had she a school place in your area? I would get a prohibitive steps order so she can't be removed from the school by him.

Is there any risk he will fail to return her after contact? With a camper van he can easily just "disappear".

He has never disclosed his actual income
You should go to CMS

her starting school in September

When is he changing his job?

The change would mean I have to speak to the nursery about her potentially dropping her Thursday and moving to a Monday and he don’t want the same set up every week as when does he get “me” time

schools have been applied for by me as he didn’t show any interest in being involved and forgot or didn’t turn up to any school viewings

i had never really thought about that… thanks for that scary thought I would hope not but I never know 😩

Hi,

i don’t know when he is changing he only mentioned it last night but with everything else which has gone on. He is the type to throw his weight about and says I am trying to just be in control and I have no right. So I need to know where I stand

he has also mentioned that he wants to convert a van and turn it into a camper and live in this with our daughter.

OP I just realised he won't have a residential address so he can't have your DD unless he sees her at his mum's.

So you well within your rights to just say no to the camper van set up pointing out it is not a residence. (Don't tell him he has to see your joint DD at his mum's or even the ASD.)

You have a contact pattern set that works for DD, he has no "right" to change it.

Let him take you to court, you can self rep.

Just keep all your responses in terms of why that won't work for DD.

Don't mention the camper van his home provided he isn't neglectful isn't your business.

Stick with "that isn't in DDs best interests she needs routine to cope"

"That isn't in DDs best interests 2 nights away from is her coping limit at the moment"

"How is that going to work when she is at school"

Don't mention the camper van his home provided he isn't neglectful isn't your business.

Once he moves into the camper van the OP should mention it. (Not before) This is because he will be itinerant, and like you pointed out he can just go anywhere.

Likewise only when and only if the child gets diagnosed with ASD then it can be mentioned if relevant.