16 month old refusing to sleep in his cot

[Moonshine160]

16 month old DS2 has always been a poor sleeper and woken frequently at night but resettles quickly. We have also been lucky that he has settled himself off to sleep independently in his cot for nap time and bedtime since he was about 8 months old, until now. Over the last two weeks he is refusing to sleep in his cot at night. When I put him in there he wails and is hysterical, standing up and screaming mama. He’s been doing the same during nap times but if I leave the room he’ll cry for about 10 seconds but then goes off to sleep. Whereas at bedtime he is inconsolable until I put him to sleep in our bed. When he’s in a deep sleep I try transferring him to his cot but he wakes screaming again within an hour so ends up in bed with us all night. I was struggling to sleep because he thrashes about so much so we’ve ended up putting him back in his next to me crib (he is a small baby but still doesn’t fit anymore) and he curls up in a ball and sleeps quite happily there! He is showing signs of separation anxiety in the day too so I’m pretty sure that’s what it is, but what can I do to get him back in his cot in his room?

Things ive tried are:

• Plenty of play in his room during the day
• Staying in his room with him but this makes it worse
• Brighter nightlight and his door open

He also sleeps with a dummy and his comforter teddy. I am worried that he’s never going to go back in his cot when he previously settled well in it. Our bedroom is tiny and even if we moved furniture his cot bed wouldn’t fit. I suppose I’m just worried I’ve created a bad habit but I really don’t want to sleep train if it involves crying as I feel too bad and he also wakes up his brother.

any advice?

Would he sleep if you put just the cot mattress/single bed mattress on the floor?

We had similar - pick up put down method really helped him to settle himself in his cot and only took about 3/4 days.

Get the Ferber sleep training book.

It's weird people expect babies to sleep by themselves, what baby mammal does this? We co sleep.

I have a “bad” sleeper - well not really but rarely ever sleeps in her bed. She’s 3y now and we co-sleep. and it’s brilliant. no screaming, no crying, no wakeups (unless sick) since she was 20 months

Before settling into co-sleeping I’ve tried everything to make her sleep in her own bed, own room. The time I spent on the floor half dead- half asleep… no thank you. To be fair it’s very natural at young age not to want to sleep alone.

We had this now our little girl is two and a half and sleeps in her own bed just fine. We always had an open bed policy with us if she woke and she enjoyed this, then randomly decided no more and now not only sleeps in her own bed but sleeps through! I quite miss her actually even though I was desperate for her to go at the time 😂😂😂 not helpful really but my point is it won’t be forever!

My daughter went through a phase like this and I ended up getting the blow up mattress out and sleeping on her bedroom floor next to her for about 10 days. (We had co slept before this but I didn’t want to go backwards and felt we all got a better nights sleep if she had her own space).
sleeping on the blow up bed started off that she wouldn’t sleep unless I held her hand ALL night! Then I managed to get to the point where I would only hold her hand until she fell asleep, Then when she would wake she was allowed it for a few mins before I would remove my hand and she would have to self settle, then I started waiting for her to fall sleep before sneaking back to my bed. When she would wake I’d go back in and lay down until she woke up and repeated sneaking out until eventually she started sleeping through again.
it was tiring but worth it as she stayed in her bed and now knows if she needs us we will come but she is safe in her own room. X

My 2yo sleeps in our bed now basically every night. It’s very annoying cos he gets in the way but quite frankly, we all sleep.
he hated his cot. Did so much better in a toddler bed we made it that at 15 months. He used to do well in there but gradually just isn’t and due to other things going on I don’t have the energy to keep putting him back in his bed. He does usually start the night in his bed. I can’t bare the thought of my baby crying in his room for comfort, as a PP said, we are the only mammal who seems to think it’s ok that a poor defenceless baby can get shut out in a tiny jail away from parents and expect them to ‘self soothe’ - to me it seems bonkers

My 4 year old dd was much the same and has only just started sleeping in her own bed, for years dp would just sleep in a single bed in the another room so I could co-sleep with her otherwise no one would get any peaceful sleep’ luckily ds 2 is a much better sleeper and has happily taken to his own bed in his own room.

Thanks for all your advice. He is still sleeping in our bed or sometimes he curls up in a ball in the next to me crib which we still haven’t taken down yet, he’s a small baby and only on the second centile. I do find the night feeds etc easier with him right beside me though! He still breastfeeds about twice overnight. With him sleeping in his own cot for months I was hoping it would be a phase for a few days but it looks like he’s here to stay! :D We are looking at getting a different cot that fits better in our room and attaching it to the side of our bed so DH can stay in the bed too (he works long hours and I hardly get to see him!). It’s nice to know from others that it’s completely normal though. I think I was feeling pressured to get him back in his room because of the sleep training culture but I really wish bed sharing was normalised instead of sleep training! I see so many posts on here where people’s first suggestion is Ferber. He has a heart condition and needs surgery so I want to make sure he’s not distressed.

I coslept and breastfed for 2yrs. They all stop eventually and it's not like you can spoil a kid so just do what works for you right now. I mean I don't know any teenagers that still cosleep so why worry

You could yet a 'chicco next2me forever' cot. We have one but DD is even worse and won't even sleep in that because she needs to be touching me to sleep 🫠