Constant state of panic

[TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyHusband]

2nd child is nearly 8 weeks old and I'm in this constant state of panic. Just for some context I had a few miscarriages and took a very long time to conceive before finally having my baby 8 weeks ago. During my pregnancy I was very anxious and didn't believe it was actually going to happen. Labour didn't go as I'd hoped I had to be induced early for medical reasons on my part, ended up having an emergency c section as baby had been distressed quite a few times and had the emergency buzzer hit multiple times and didn't feel like I was listened to by the consultant for 12 hours. They just pushed and pushed for a natural delivery until I couldn't handle the worry anymore and got upset I demanded someone intervene. Taken down to theatre and consultant realised baby was stuck and would never of been born naturally. C section went well and was home 23 hours later. Since being home I've been in this constant anxious state. I'm aware some anxiety is normal but not to the level I'm experiencing. I set alarms during the night to check on her, panic if she sleeps too much or not enough, take her temperature if she's sleepy. Worried she's not hitting her milestones, isn't feeding enough honestly it's mental and I'm aware it is but I just can't stop these irrational thoughts that somethings wrong. I've been anxious today due to her having some green poo. (I'm breastfeeding). I've not been myself for nearly a year now since finding out I was pregnant. I love her so much and just want to chill and enjoy her but its forever overshadowed by my irrational thinking. I don't know what I want from this post. I've been referred for cbt I just needed to get it out. It feels quite lonely feeling this way. I wasn't like this with my first who is now a teen.

Hi, OP. It's so so normal, my love. By my third I was frantic in those weeks and months after birth, and I had nothing like that birth to contend with. I was really lucky and had amazingly good CBT from a clinical psychologist. Not all CBT is as good but it can be life changing.

You already recognise that it's anxiety, which is a huge bit of the battle. Go out every day. Join some stupid baby yoga or mum and baby groups just to distract yourself. (I could spot women even more worried than me at one I joined. Some comfort in that!)

Forgive yourself the worry. It's totally normal and reasonable and it will get better, but you've 100% done the right thing already in getting that referral. That's the right thing for you and your baby - you are doing bloody great.

Massive hug for you. I was the same. I think once we don’t have a straightforward pregnancy or birth and we realise how many things can potentially go wrong, it’s like a switch is flipped and it’s all you can think about. BUT the chances of anything being seriously wrong are incredibly slim. You know this, rationally, it is post natal anxiety speaking.

My advice fwiw (not that I managed this myself)

Talk to someone about the birth. It’s probably had some lasting effects on you and talking it through out loud, ranting about it if you need to, may help, more than keeping it in. If you want to do that here that is fine.

Try not to google. Google always jumps to the worst possibilities. Also, if you can, step away from the home scales/thermometer etc. If your baby seems fine - she is.

Get out of the house as much as you can, see people, don’t live in your own head.

Keep your baby in sight if you need to, this helped calm my anxiety.

Big hug xx

I couldn’t read this without replying… you’ve just described the same experience as I had following a traumatic birth.

like you, I was crippled with anxiety and catastrophic thoughts, which were intrusive. I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t relax. I felt agitated and fearful.

Eventually I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety… which can also manifest itself as pre-natal anxiety in pregnancy.

maybe have a read up on that and if it sounds familiar, reach out to your GP or health visitor for support.

You don’t have to feel like this and there is help available, either in the form of anxiety meds or antidepressants combined with talking therapy and time.

Sending you much love…I can relate to the loneliness of the experience. It’s also an exhausting state to be in…which ends up making you feel even more anxious.

The good news is this can be managed and you will feel better one day. Be kind to yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Tell the people you love how you are feeling, so they can support you.

Good luck ❤️

I am exactly the same with my daughter. She is 10 weeks old today and I am constantly worrying about her. She picks up on this I think as she will never be put down and just wants to be with me, she makes the slightest murmur and she knows I will pick her up. The love is just something else I just want to wrap her in cotton wool. I am so fearful that she isn’t hitting milestones as the health visitor said she should be laughing and stuff by now but she isn’t? Surely that’s not something they do that early? She smiles at me and knows voices and faces now too. I’m the same with the temperature taking.

it really is just anxiety and I just think to myself now, what is worrying about it constantly going to solve? Only take away today’s pleasure and add worry to tomorrow. If something is wrong with our babies then as mothers we would know instantly. This is what I tell myself and I express gratitude for her everyday being a healthy little girl. She had to go into hospital when she was 5 week old as had Covid so that didn’t help matters but I relied on my instincts and she was seen too. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and remember you are not alone. Our brains really are our worst enemies sometimes xx

Heres some info on post natal anxiety
https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/after-birth/postnatal-anxiety

Thankyou both for you kind replies. I've barely left the house since having her just to the shop and back or to walk the dog but never on my own. I was out all the time with my first and was a single parent from birth, we were up and out in the morning and back for dinner, we barely spent a day at home. I hadn't been through everything I have now which really makes a difference. Like you say it's like a switch that I can't turn off. I really struggled to get her here she was nearly 4 years in the making. it has been tough going mentally and I don't think my partner or family recognise how much Ive struggled with it. it is nice that people feel the same or similar at least. I think you're right about getting out and being a bit more normal. I'm going to try and get out this weekend and to function a bit more normally.

Thankyou. I tick every box 😂. I think I will get back onto my gp about it. I only spoke to them yesterday but have this habit of playing it down, I don't know why just my go to response. Scared I'll be judged for it I guess.

I totally understand how you feel…but a good GP won’t judge you and will be glad you’ve reached out.
Take someone with you who can advocate for you if that helps. You really don’t have to feel like this.

And in the meantime, don’t forget that your much longed for baby is still only very, very new and you are still adjusting to having a newborn. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.