Birthday gift etiquette

[VERYBRUISEDPEAR]

Please help as I can't decide what to do:

3yo DD is invited to a 4th birthday party, which is a joint party with the birthday girl's sister (the sister will be 6, I think). I don't know the parents that well although they seem lovely and the girl is a very good influence on my daughter 😬. The invitation said "Your presence is the only present we need. No present required". Presumably they don't want any more tat in their house, so I definitely won't get an actual present, but should I get a book token? If so, should I get a token for the sister as well? And how much for?

Any ideas? The instruction to not get a present is so far causing me more stress than just buying a bloody present 😂

Token or voucher or cash for both

If they were twins, I’d say get both a present. However, in this scenario, I’d stick a tenner in a card for the 4 year old and give it no more though. 🙂

I think you only need to get for the friend who has actually invited you. Presumably the older sibling will invite her own friends.

If you can afford it, a £10 gift token would be spot on.

Thanks both (although taken together the answers don't really help 😂). @Cascais If giving to both, how much would you give? I'd usually give a present costing about £10, but tbh £20 total would be a bit of a stretch for us.

And do a get a card for the sister? Sorry, these are really basic social skills questions, but I'm rubbish at this sort of thing!

How is the invitation worded? If it's a case of Mary and Lucy invite you to their party then it's a bit different to an invitation from Mary to her party (that you also happen to know is being shared with Lucy).
If it's a single invitation, a present just for the inviter is fine. If it's a joint invitation then I'd probably do £10 for the friend and £5 for the sister if you can afford it.

Don't get a book token - real pain in the rear as the amount is never the same as the book so you end up with bits left or having to add to it.
Honestly okay to put cash in a card.

No, you don't need to get for the sister - even more if they have asked for no presents.

Around here if an invitation states no gifts then people don't bring any gifts, they consider cash and book tokens to be gifts. It's generally because the family are quite well off and the child has more than enough, and giving cash or book tokens will still result in tat filling up their rooms because they end up being spent on tat, after all.
No gift needed for the sister - she would have her own party guests.

Could you and your 3yo do a nice drawing as a gift token invitation to a play date at yours?

I getting colouring books or the scratchy foil things. Something that holds their attention for an afternoon and then can be put in the recycling. Usually spending £3-5 so it's just a token of thanks.

I'd get something nice and small, like a coloring calendar or a nice birthday card, but definitely nothing big!

I'd just do a present for the child you know. For nursery friends I always did a colouring book, pack of pens or crayons, stickers and a little chocolate. Could usually get that for £3-5 in the works or similar.

I’ve got a similar dilemma, a joint party where I don’t know the parents well and the invite says ‘gifts not necessary’.

I’ve thought about getting a book. Although I do know that the mum likes wine so I’m thinking of getting round it by giving the parents a bottle of wine as a gift. So no extra tat for them, and something for them to enjoy after the party stress 🤣.

My oldest 2 DDs have always had joint parties, I’d never expect a present for both children, only the child that invited your DD. Personally I’m not a fan of book tokens, we have 1000s of books, if someone was going to give something that wasn’t a gift £5 in a card is perfect, it dosnt clutter the house and dd can save it or spend it as she pleases.

Thanks all. Helpful (if conflicting!) advice.

As it turns out DH is going to take DD so I handed the problem over to him and within 5 mins he'd ordered a book for the 4yo and decided against getting anything for the 6yo.

I wish I was less of an overthinker!

Sounds perfect.

They said no gifts though that to me means don’t bring a present.

Err... Nothing? It literally says no presents.....
Maybe get your DD to "help" write a thank you card she can draw or stick stickers on or something and post/give it a fees days later?

The perfect response to a 'no presents please ' is to send a present??? Really?? 😕

It's a book, how offensive can it be?

Never said it was offensive.

Just wondered why the "perfect" response to a request for no presents is a to give a present 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Irrelevant now as you've sorted a present, but I liked a PP idea of drawing a nice picture in a card with an invite to come over for tea!

this is such a lovely idea!!

We're a 'presence not presents' sort of family and we say it with sincerity. I'd respect the request and give a nice homemade card and nothing else. If you really want to put something in then I'd do something for the friend of your child and not the sibling.

They didnt say ‘no present please’ though did they
they said no present required
that’s entirely different

every wedding I’ve ever been to the invitation says no gifts required, it doesn’t mean show up empty handed, it means give us cash! In this case I suspect the first few pp had it right, it means no tat.

So.No present required means buy a book??

No ... it means NO. PRESENTS REQUIRED/WANTED/NEEDED.

.which includes books...