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Original poster

Help with our 6 year old DD

2 replies

Whwttodo · 01/02/2024 22:44

I hope someone here has some wisdom to share. Our 6-year-old DD is an only child who practically has everything (apart from a dog, which we won’t get her)!

She doesn’t have to attend any before/after school or holiday clubs as either my DH or I are around. Our jobs are flexible! Not that I pass any judgement on anyone needing to use the clubs. It’s just that we are fortunate our jobs are flexible. She has good friends, we live in a beautiful part of London. She attends a local state school, which is a bit rubbish but the kids are kind…
The issue is that she’s always unhappy - always moaning. She explodes at anything, and she hits us. We worked out in that asking her to hurry up and asking to do homework are her triggers. We try to be understanding and patient parents who treat her with respect. However, she can be so awful to us. I do feel sorry for her as she’s obviously unhappy and most likely anxious. We have finally get to see the a play therapist and will hopefully get a plan on how to deal with this. Sometimes I feel she has no empathy at all. She will be hitting me and sobbing at me and two minutes later she’s completely fine.
No issues at school - good friends etc. The school never mentioned any SENS issues and the therapist doesn’t suspect it either. Sure, we can get her tested but realistically we need to learn how to work with her so our home is a safe and calm place. Any words of wisdom?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Getoutgetout · 02/02/2024 06:36

My kids do have SEN so that’s where I’m coming from but whether your daughter does or doesn’t, doesn’t necessarily change how you might help her. You’ve said she explodes at everything but then given only two triggers - homework and hurrying up.

So with mine for this issues I would try:

  • not saying hurry up but making things more fun eg “let’s see if we can get our coats on before this song finishes, before I get to H in the alphabet etc” I have to be endlessly creative here.
  • reassuring about homework eg “there are ten questions and I’d only expect you to get 7 right” (if she’s a perfectionist type) and offering to help. Rightly or wrongly we have a biscuit after homework (not ideal but I do an amazing job most of the time).
  • I would aim to spend proper 1-1 time with her and her dad doing the same (even if only 10/15 mins here and there). Phones away. I think it’s called love bombing if you want a more detailed explanation.
  • With the hitting etc. That’s a distressed child so I would try to avoid her being able to hit by blocking her hands or gently holding and empathising, labelling feelings etc I’m sure you do this anyway. But I think the important thing here is to avoid getting to this point by using other strategies.

I wouldn’t discount SEN based on what school say (honestly they are not the experts) or the play therapist. Keep looking at her behaviour and thinking if you notice anything else. Most people’s knowledge of neurological conditions is poor so we’re not always best placed to recognise SEN especially in girls.

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