First time Mum…doubting myself

[MumBlues17]

Hello,

I am new to mumsnet (please be kind!). I am a first time mum to a happy little boy who is nearly 6 months old. My DH and I are lucky as he is relatively chilled and doesn’t get upset very often.

My DH and I have been doing equal share of the childcare but tonight was the first night I did dinner, bath and bed routine on my own (we often do it together) as DH is out.

My baby boy was happy enough until it came to bath time and after taking him out the bath he was getting so upset and wouldn’t stop crying. It was only until I fed him that he calmed down. He is exclusively breastfed.

I can’t help but feel like a failure as this is my first night on my own with my little boy and I’ve never seen him so upset, even mummy cuddles wouldn’t help really - he would stop crying but then start again. I’ve been trying to think what it is and think it might be because we got all his routine messed up, the end of his last nap before bath time was over 3 hours, with his last feed being close to 4 hours and he’d also woken up 90 mins earlier than normal so wondering if he might be tired earlier? Or was he too cold after the bath? Is it his teeth (his top teeth have been showing for the last 3 days)

I can’t help but feel like I should have known these things or worry I’ve done something and not realised. I know this is excessive worry for one instance but I’ve been suffering with PND and feel like I’ve failed. I worry most days my little boy doesn’t know who I am or doesn’t love me so this has hit hard.

Does anyone else worry like this who has suffered with PND? Any tips for feeling better?

You haven't failed, babies move the goal posts constantly, developmental things can be at play, teething, something they've eaten not agreeing with them that day, a bit of wind, not wanting to get out of the bath, not wanting to get into the bath, the list goes on :)

If you think it's teething, ashtons and parsons teething powder is really good, also cold teething toys to chew on.

Aww sweetheart, you are not a failure at all. Babies don't come out with a guide on how to raise them. Don't punish yourself because you've had 1 bad evening with baby. I'm 39. I've been a mam since I was 21. I've got 18yo, 14yo, 10yo and 3yo boys, and I still have evenings like you have described, especially with my absolutely gorgeous neurodivergent 3yo. Hes non verbal, autistic, has global development delay, sensory problems, pika and I only get about 4 hours sleep as he doesn't seem to like sleep. I felt extremely similar to you when his problems first came to light at 10 months old,. I was on some pretty heavy medication during the pregnancy due to severe SPD. I blamed myself for a long time and I still struggle to this day with the challenging behaviour, but every day I learn new ways to over come this and you will too. Maybe baby was just missing daddy? Maybe he was windy, tired or just plain bored. You are doing an AMAZING job mammy, please don't beat yourself up, everyday is different and everyday it gets easier as you will learn new mammy ways that will benefit your whole family. Xx

You are definitely NOT a failure OP. I always found that just as it felt we had cracked a great routine they would outgrow it and it would take me (and the baby) a couple of weeks to work out what needed changing, then once we'd sorted it we'd have a couple of good weeks and it would change again.
They grow and develop constantly, if your routine never evolved they wouldn't be developing and babies can't tell us what they need (even if they knew)

If mums were mind readers and knew straight away what their kids needed they wouldn't sell all these baby books and half of us wouldn't be on Mumsnet

I sure as hell didn't instinctively know what my kid needed ALL the time!

Also sometimes they are just in a bad mood (teething/ tired/ unwell/ wanting a toy / wanting to go out etc)

One of the really hard things about having a baby is not knowing what's wrong with them. And then you have to accept that you'll never find out what was wrong with them.

I can remember epic screaming fits that are fresh in my mind many years later. I still have no idea what the problem was. I just kept on trying things and trying things until eventually it stopped!

So please don't panic - you're not psychic. The baby might not even know what he wants. You did the right thing in checking different things and making sure the basics were covered. That's a good day's parenting.

Just when you’ve found your groove with a baby, they throw you a curveball. He could have had a little pain in his tummy or got a little cold or even heard a noise that gave him a little fright (extra loud water down the plug hole). He can only communicate by crying so you are never going to be in a place where he never cries at all. The important thing is that you are a responsive, loving parent when he is upset. And it sounds like you are 100% there for him, as you said yourself he’s usually a happy boy. You sound like you are doing a great job.