DS wants to give up all activities

[PrayForMyBum]

Hi. My DS is 8, and constantly complains about the activities he does and wants to give them up. That makes it sound like he does a lot - he doesn't.
He has a half-hour swimming class one evening a week, and he goes to Cubs on another evening.
The swimming is mandatory, in my view, and I've told him he can give up once he gets to a certain point. All of his friends from school also go to Cubs, so I can't quite work out why he wants to stop (I have asked him about it, and it's nothing to do with his friends - he says there are too many younger kids and it's 'boring'). DH volunteers as one of the Cub leaders and says there's nothing going on that he can see and that DS seems to be having a good time when he's there.
I've asked him about other things he'd like to do instead, but there isn't anything. He's otherwise happy and sociable.
I guess I'm wondering whether this just a stage? I know he doesn't HAVE to do anything, and I don't want to force him, but I also don't want him to just have nothing else going on but school and home!

Have you asked him what he would like to do instead

In the original post I've asked him about other things he'd like to do instead, but there isn't anything.

DD has wanted to quit a few things, I don’t let her, she pushed through and found she really loved those activities (the one she hated the most is now her favourite). Good that swimming is non negotiable it should be. If you are fine with him giving up cubs suggest he finds a replacement one. I really think the social contact of sports, clubs etc is really important for their long term wellbeing.

I’d let him quit cubs.

The way o see it
he keeps swimming until he reaches the level you agreed (by the way, I said the same to DD about that age, and now as a teen she’s on a swim club - her choice)
and you take him out of Cubs, but get him to trial other activities - don’t ask him “do you want to?” Just tell him, he has to try them, most places will offer a free trial session - find him something else he likes

Keep him swimming until he’s proficient as that could be a life saver one day. Let him leave Cubs as there’s something he doesn’t like. Is he being made to go because DH is a leader? Or is it because DH has joined as a volunteer?

My elder DC does a lot of activities so I've decided that my younger one should do at least one each term. He's very shy and nervous but is doing a club at school and really enjoying it.

They do so little at school I think quitting cubs is fine but try other things he might like - drama, gymnastics, chess club etc.

Swimming is a must have in this house and he should keep that up.

Does he have tech/ screens? Does he think he will get more gaming time?

Why are clubs so important? Genuine question, not goady. What's the matter with just school, swimming, and home? Asking as a mam whose children are yet to start any activities (ages 5 and 3) and wondering if I'm doing something wrong...

I'd be looking to keep him in both to be honest.

Some kids do just get to an age where they don't want to do anything but neither club is that taxing and it's important to have some external interests plus as you say swimming would be a non negotiable.

Although I'm surprised he says there's lots of younger kids in cubs, at 8 I'd expect him to be one of the youngest surely?

Would he prefer to do karate, football, gymnastics, learn an instrument instead?

It's OK if he wants to take a break from activities.
Being forced to do things for fun is the least fun thing ever.
Let him take a break. He'll soon come up with stuff he wants to try out, I bet.

What age do they go to scouts? Have some of his friends at cubs moved up?

Is this a recent thing or has he always been reticent? If it is recent, has anything (even something really trivial) changed. Has someone new started Cubs for example, or is there something at home that seems more tempting - have you got a new pet, have you changed your hours of work and he wants to spend more time with you? Has your DH recently become a leader and could it be something connected to that?

They generally only move up to cubs from beavers at 8 so it seems really strange he's saying there's loads of younger kids. They then move to scouts at 10ish so unlikely his school friends have moved up, especially as OP says lots of his friends go to cubs.

I really struggled with this. On the one hand giving up easily isn't a good lesson. Especially if you know they enjoy it somewhat or it's a necessary skill. On the other, why make your child do something if they really don't want to do it?

In the end, I made them carry on. My Dd who hated swimming lessons and was always reluctant to go, absolutely loved swimming in the pool and in the sea in holiday last year and was pleased she was a strong enough swimmer to do that.
My ds was similar with football at 11 but now as an older teen, still meets up with friends to play a casual game.

I think it taught them to be resilient, to keep trying and discipline.

Seeing as the alternative preference is almost always screens as they grow older, then anytime away from those can only be a good thing.

Is he OK otherwise, or get tired and tearful at all after school?

DS wanted to give up a lot of clubs at this age and later we discovered it was because he had dyslexia and was just too exhausted after school.

Let him drop cubs but continue swimming until you are satisfied he is a good enough swimmer.

I did brownies and then guides after school and I hated it. I wanted to stop but wasn't allowed to because it was "to show commitment" you see. That was bollocks and no employer or university ever paid it any attention at all.

I was relieved to drop them before my teenage years and it really hasn't hindered me at all. I really don't get this complete obsession with sending kids to clubs after school. Some might enjoy them but a fair number just don't want to be there. I say don't force it. I see no problem with their time being divided just between school and home.

I'd keep the swimming as mandatory, but advise him that if he drops cubs he doesn't then get an extra 2 hours of screen time or whatever he's angling for, especially as he's happy when he's there.

I'd let him quit cubs. If it's anything like brownies was it really is incredibly boring, even with friends.

Encourage him to try other activities but don't push it. With the exception of the aforementioned hated brownies and then guides I didn't do any classes/activities till I was 11, and then it was just one thing (horse riding). I always preferred to stay home.

Totally agree re the well-being, which is why I’m so keen he has something. Obv, I’d rather it was something he really enjoys. Maybe it’s a case of trying a few new things out?

No, he isn’t being made to go and it isn’t anything to do with DH being a volunteer (DH has been a leader for a few years and started when our DD, who is older, joined Cubs and DS was in Beavers at the time).

I would ask him what he thinks he will do in the time slot for cubs because I am guessing he thinks he will be on tech. So make sure you agree what he will be doing instead of cubs which I would let him drop.

Swimming is non-negotiable as it is a life skill. Sadly near me there is a reservoir and a child got into trouble and was saved by an older child, terrifying. Mine had to learn endurance for swimming, not so much having perfect stroke but being able to swim several lengths without stopping but we went every weekend as a family to do this.

Totally reasonable question! Personally, I think it’s good they have interests which are outside school and lets them develop their character and find out what most makes them tick, not to mention the other friendships they make.

The flip side, and what I worry about, is they’re only interested in screens (which, as another poster pointed out, only gets worse as they get older).

I don’t think mine had a full range of activities at 5 and 3 - you’ve got that mad joy to come 😁

I think this sums up really well how I feel about it - I do think sometimes you need to stick at something and not just quit at the first hurdle. And completely agree about screens.

I’m not against quitting, I should add - my DD had piano lessons for what felt like years and desperately wanted to quit. I let her, in the end - and, to be fair, she tried very hard but it just wasn’t her thing…