Ex seeking contact after no contact

[4658Lou]

Long story short my ex husband 4 years ago decided to not see our daughter anymore he was really cold about it, we adopted her from a baby brought up together and then after many years a divorce happened my ex husband decided to start being extremely cold towards daughter and not considering her feelings and just cut all forms of contact. Now 4 years on we healed from that I’m remarried with a baby and we are a strong family unit, my ex husband has suddenly popped up from nowhere seeking contact after reading two messages I can now tell he is seeking contact for himself now and his family and I don’t know what to think of it or how to explain to daughter that this is happening and I’m worried about it

Questions-
how is he seeking contact? Legally or just asking?
I assume he is with PR for her?
Separate issue does he pay cms?
how old is the child and does she want contact or old enough to decide?

@Thebookdragon
just asking by message.

ex has PR.

he does pay cms.

she is 14, I haven’t approached yet as I was thinking how to and what to say in the right way

…now it’s come to light he wants to be there at the contact, my daughters dad has suggested a contact centre to keep everything neutral with chaperone (what does this mean I will need to look it up about these contact centres) - what has struck me is the lack of feeling does he not think by ignoring her for nearly 4 years that she doesn’t have questions I told
him she wants to know why one grandparent continued to send birthday and Christmas cards and gifts but dad or other grandparents did not why is that? And it’s like he won’t answer it (we are talking through email I told him I would ask daughter and I did and that was her response she wants to ask him why everyone hasn’t been contact much sooner than this) but no reply as of yet. Any advice anyone? I just don’t want my daughter to be affected too much by this x

Your poor DD. I haven't got much advice but it must be so conflicting for her. One the one hand he's her Dad but he seems pretty cold and fairly useless.

I'd wait and see how he responds

@CadyEastman its really confusing for her and it’s confusing for me I’m being supportive and positive but it’s getting to me I don’t know what to do

what I want to do is rage at him for the hurt he caused daughter but I will never do that I have been polite to probably a fault trying to communicate what she is asking and saying in response…since saying what she said about why was this not happening sooner as she 14 now ..the dad has gone silent for 2 days I’m worried he’s just changing his mind constantly doesn’t he realise it’s messing with her or just doesn’t care? If it does go all through a contact centre can I tell the people there what’s happened

Bump

if anyone else has advice or knowledge on this x