How to grow up with a growing child

[marie2228]

I always treat my 9 yr old daughter as if I am in control of everything. She is a very sweet girl, thoughtful and kind. She is a bit cheeky at times with her brother (4 yr old). She loves her brother and she spoiled him too.
This time she ask for some privacy( from her personal stuff, ipad, space etc.)
She said I'm too bossy and overacting into small things.
This is me ever since she was born or maybe not. I don't know. She said she likes her dad more.
I feel so bad and I feel so down.

What kinds of things does she decide and what of things do you make the decision - clothes, food, what she watches on TV?

She is 9, you should be in control. I don't see that as a bad thing at her age!

I agree with @Snowdropsarecoming , we need more details. For things like clothes, food, TV, I would say that you set some boundaries, but she makes the choices within those boundaries. On the other hand, she's nine, you need control of and sight over what she's doing online. What is she actually asking for in terms of privacy around her stuff and her space?

She's pushing your boundaries, that's what they're programmed to do. It means you're a good parent!

The trick is to let go enough to give her more autonomy without loosening the reins too much. For example, if privacy in her space means you knock before going into her bedroom then that's OK, but online privacy at age 9 is a complete no-no. You pay for it, you supervise it - that's the deal. There will be other places you can ease back a bit though.

The 'I like other parent more' trick is straight out of the pre-teen playbook by the way! You just grin and say well I love you exactly the same as I've always done and move on. Don't let your 9 yo drag you into a personality contest!

It really does depend on what she means by privacy. Is she sharing a room with her brother - if so is it possible to rearrange things? Or at least make her area more private with some screening or curtain?
If she has her own room, then people should knock before going in. Her brother shouldn't be allowed in unless she has said he can.
Stop sharing baths etc

She is also old enough to be making her own decisions about many things - having a say in what she wears, decisions about extra-curricular activities, what she does in her free time (within reason) etc

But you are her parent. You still get to decide the big things - food, bedtime etc. She certainly doesn't get privacy on line. Set parental controls, don't let her have her own passwords, check any messaging apps regularly etc

Sit down with her and have a chat. See if you can give her a bit more autonomy, and explain why you still need to keep control of other areas .

As she becomes a teen she will need more independence and freedom so it's a good idea to start gradually preparing for that - for both of you! Give her some privacy and personal space if you can, but if it's something important (eg checking her iPad to make sure she is safe online) then you have to overrule her.

Don't feel down - you're just doing your best!

Just sounds like a bit of pre-teen backchat to me. Good to set a precedent on how you will deal with it because it will probably get more/ worse over the next few years.

You are in charge though - she's 9 and you are her parent.

She's asking for a bit more independence, so see where you can give her that within reason.

Don't pay any attention to emotive comments about liking the other parent more, you are overreacting, etc. She's 9 and you know best - this is just her immature (and age appropriate) response to your boundaries. Remind her that you love her and move on, don't overthink it.

I also agree with above posters saying that at 9, you don't give her privacy with the iPad.

There will not be many 9 year olds using the internet unmonitored (and those who are have irresponsible parents).

It's your responsibility as a parent to keep her safe online.