Single at nearly 30, feeling hopeless

[Reachingoutforhelp]

just looking for some reassurance really here that things can get better and I’ll be okay. Thank you if you make it to the end of this. Mum of 1 DC aged 6, was with the dad for 4 years but I earned good money and maternity enlightened me as to what he was really like when the bailiffs started turning up so we split just before covid, he now lives with his mum and lives his best life while DC worships him but is an afterthought, maintenance is iffy and often actually has the balls to ask me for fuel money to come and collect her! Had a relationship since which at the time I though was amazing but was actually incredibly controlling and abusive and he’s now in prison for attacking me, luckily DC didn’t witness this but the guilt makes me feel awful all the time.

Basically, I’m 30 this year and I feel like a failure. I wanted marriage and more kids etc, but I feel like it will never happen and honestly don’t think I’d have any more kids now even if my knight in shining armour turned up because I was the bratty little half sister growing up and it sucked.

I don’t know if I can trust men again, I’ve dabbled but then the scummy ones ask for nudes which is an instant block and panic attack on my part as abusive ex also got done for revenge porn, and the good ones always seem too good for me.

I feel like I’m failing as a mum as well, finances are super tight and I feel stressed all the time and I try so hard to be a fun mum and do swimming each week and baking or board games but honestly I just want to sleep. Then I’ll lose my shit (not at her but she’s in the flat) and she sees me cry because I just can’t cope and I’m lonely and I’m worried I’m scarring the poor kid for life because I can’t get my act together.

I just don’t know where to go or what to do next.

Soz it sounds like you’ve been through a fair bit.
who gives a shit you’re nearly 30. The whole marriage and kids by 30 is an outdated idea.
Youre not failing and you don’t need a bloke right now. Take some time to focus on yourself!
relax a bit, there are no timeliness! Enjoy weekends with your kid, join a gym, start a hobby. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself

You are single handely bringing up your child, supporting her financially, doing lovely fun things even though you are totally understandably exhausted. You have survived domestic violence you are not a failure you are a hero. I can understand why you feel hopeless, you’ve been literally and figuratively beaten down, but you still are up everyday for your daughter.

It saddens me, despite all this, you think good men are too good for you, but this is really common in DV victims.

Put aside relationships for now and focus on you. Please ring Women’s Aid. You need support to process all you’ve been through and help you realise how amazing you are,

Hey OP, I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time of it.

Please know that 30 is still so young, especially to meet someone! The average age to give birth on the UK is 30 which means there are plenty of people having babies into their 30s and beyond so that’s still on the table!

I think you would benefit from some therapy, please talk to your dr about this, depending on your area you may be fast tracked because you’re a single parent.

Try and utilise your time with your DD as your time to unwind and relax, find a hobby to do together. It’s certainly not beneficial to get wound up in front of her so maybe working out some ways to burn that steam whilst keeping her entertained (walking/ YouTube dance classes etc) You have a little best friend to have fun with!

Look into budgeting if your finances are bad and stick to your budget. Take everything into consideration like even if you buy a coffee once a week. Check your statements to see where you can cut down too.

Thank you!

Unfortunately the abusive ex took out loans in my name so really in a downward spiral financially but have reached out to some family for help.

My work have offered me counselling but I just don’t know if I’m ready to hear all my mistakes and faults, I want to hide away but I can’t.

Even worse is I live in a small town and there was a huge article about the DV ex being sent down so I feel like I don’t even want to leave my home.

Maybe give the counselling a try? It’s not about mistakes and faults, but sometimes it’s good just to let it all out.