Creche concerns

[PinkWatermelon88]

My 18mo started her first day in creche yesterday. I stayed with her for an hour, I’ll do the same all this week before building her to be left independent. I just don’t know if it’s the one for us.

The staff are nice, but older (60s) and their style of parenting is very authoritarian, as in yesterday one girl got told to be quiet cos her laugh was too loud. At home we parent as responsively as we can. They’re also very big into separating girls and boys and anything gendered like that does my head in. She’s the youngest there by about 7/8m.

The kids I know went there loved it, and the staff do seem very kind. I just worry they’ll not mind her age appropriately or that the older kids might be too “big” for her. I also never want my LO to think she can’t laugh or sing or express herself without getting in to trouble.

it’s also very much a play school so they do their numbers and their schedules learning. My smallie only wants pals and mischief haha

There are no other options in my area, and it’s only for 4h a day. I think if I spent a year visiting nursery’s I’d find fault with every one, she’s my baby girl. Any thoughts?

I would find separating boys and girls (or encouraging them to separate themselves) hugely off-putting.

Formal learning for toddlers also isn't appropriate, although things like numbers, colours, shapes all can and should be taught through play (but at that age, the child should have a choice whether or not to engage in any particular activity). So it depends exactly what that learning looks like. Having a colour matching activity out as one choice alongside other things and singing nursery rhymes with numbers in or counting out food at snack time, great. Insisting they're all going to sit down and do colours or counting, not okay.

Authoritarian style, it's a question of degree. I wouldn't want a child expected not to laugh or sing, but learning to do so at a volume that doesn't hurt other people's ears is reasonable. Was it done kindly, 'That's a bit loud, Isabella, inside voice please' type thing, or more harsh? Have you seen any examples of how they deal with more clear-cut behaviour issues (snatching toys, hitting, climbing on chairs/tables, anything like that)? If you haven't, I'd want to ask their approach.

Are you somewhere very rural that there are no other options? No childminders, no private nurseries?

It is hard. We used the gym crèche in a gap between nurseries. They had 2 rooms babies that weren't walking and everyone else. My daughter was about 22 months at the time and whilst she was a confident walker she was behind with her speech and I was worried with how she would cope. She was pulled from my arms every morning but was happy when I picked her up and a neighbours daughter was there too and she would tell me how happy my daughter was there. She was 8 months old and had better speech.

We were looking at other nurseries at the time and due.to have a house move and I would say trust your instincts. We viewed 2 nurseries, one we immediately didn't like it. It just looked like is lacked love most of the toys in the room was broken and the bigger concern was seeing cleaning products on the floor on one of the rooms. They had availability immediately and it was a hard decision to say we would rather no childcare than that child care. 6 months after we moved this turned out to be a good decision as the nursery closed after the fire brigade reported them to Ofsted for something. We felt quite dejected after viewing this nursery but the second nursery felt like home immediately and she has been there 18 months now and absolutely thriving.

If I was you I would go through the information on the other nurseries and pick another 1 or 2 to view and see how you think they all compare

That place sounds very archaic, I wouldn't be sending my daughter there even if it meant a 20-30 minute car journey each way.

Are you in the UK? In England, a 'creche' is usually more ad-hoc childcare for short periods where parents are nearby, like at a gym or a shopping centre. They don't always need to be registered with Ofsted and you would probably find the care is different to a nursery/daycare where children attend for half or whole days regularly, and there are all sorts of requirements to follow. Things like splitting children by gender or shouting at children wouldn't be acceptable. But if you're in another country the legal framework and expectations of what childcare looks like may be different?

Thanks for your responses. No I’m not in the UK, and there are literally no other options within an hour drive of me. Unless I get someone off a FB group but I’d question their reliability.

We went back again today and my LO does seem to like the place, but the other kids are just so much older. And the style definitely isn’t mine, they’re really old school. One minder is way better with the kids, I’d say she’s the one with the qualifications. The play school is for kids 2y 8m + and so my little one seems lost. It’s also fully licences by the Irish governing body TUSLA.

i spent today calling 25 pages of crèches/nurseries and day cares ans still no joy 😭

In Ireland there is play based curriculum Siolta and Aistear and all have to by law have named qualifications. This sounds completely out of step with the huge changes in the childcare sector. My son is 16 and that wasn't a thing back then!

TUSLA is responsible for Early years nothing in that references to dividing children by sex. Very strange. I would be asking some questions.