Does it get easier with 2

[Oldmacdonaldhad]

mum of 2, eldest is 2 and youngest is a week old. Really struggling with the chaos of it all

i had a cs so DH has took lead with our toddler as I’m also breast feeding our newborn, so we’re kind of in the divide and conquer phase. But I miss being able to be the default parent for my DS :( I used to do the majority as DH works long hours and I miss things how they wete

i I love our newborn so so so much just like I love DS, I am just struggling with cluster feeding, being limited physically and feeling like any time I try to give DS 1-2-1 time my newborn screams (when I pop them down in moses basket)

DH takes her but she’s having a few periods of cluster feeding so ends up waking and then just wanting to feed ahain

im worried our toddler will start to dislike me and not see me as a caregiver as he goes to nursery some days too so what if he sees his dad and nursery staff as care givers and then just sees me as sitting with our newborn :(

I feel stretched and a bit sad and overwhelmed

It is really tough, but I had 3 years between mine, and my eldest was very understanding, but that didn't stop the guilt.

First couple of months are hard until they get into a nap routine, my youngest would only sleep on me but id have him in the baby carrier while doing some activity with eldest.

Walks were good too because baby would fall asleep and then we could talk about all sorts of nonsense in peace 😂.

Then eventually they'll start interacting with each other and bonding, the extent of this always varies but its amazing to see the younger one copying everything the older one does.

My youngest is 18 months now and having had it gradually getting easier for a while it's now getting harder again, both are very active and shouty 🙉

And don't forget that hormones will be all over the place still so don't dwell on how you're feeling too much. It will all fall into place 👍

I can remember feeling exactly like this, I most definitely wrote an extremely similar post under a different user name.

My age gap was 2 years 3 months and the first ) months were a complete shock to the system, I absolutely hated it. I felt so sorry for DD1 for not being the baby and thought she was going to hate me. And felt awful on DD2 because she wasn't getting the same amount of attention I could give DD1.

They are 7 and almost 5 now and honesty they are thick as thieves they adore each other and play so nicely together. It didn't affect my bond with DD1 at all she is still a complete mummy's girl.

I know it seems a long time off but it definitely got better for me when DD2 started to sit up, I felt like I could include her in more and she could sit up and watch whilst I did stuff with DD1.

I also had massive PNA which I didn't realise for quite a while but ended up going to the doctors as I was just so stressed about everything.

It does get better and you'll find a rhythm but it just takes a bit of time.

I think because my DH is doing all the stuff I used to do and I’m worried that DS isn’t clinging to me as much as he used to, he seems to just have gotten on with the change (which is fantastic as I didn’t want him upset or fretting!) I’m just worrying is he detaching from me :(

It’s silly. I’m very sleep deprived and just riddled with mum guilt and struggling

I'm a few months down the line from you, OP. DD is now 9 months and DS about to turn 5. I hated the first 4 months - I felt like I was juggling everything but dropping all the balls. I missed DS and our 1:1 time, and DD would not be put down so was strapped to me 24/7. I felt like I was constantly telling DS I couldn't do this or that because I had the baby. But as PP's have said, it really does get easier when they are sitting independently and/or napping on something that isn't you. It's still hard and a juggle but we have all adjusted now, although DH is definitely DS's go to parent most of the time now. Still wants his mummy when he is tired, sad or poorly though, which I'll take. DD definitely doesn't get the same stimulation as her brother did when he was a baby but she absolutely adores him and he is the only one that can make her belly laugh, which melts my heart!

Basically, hang in there. Mum guilt is strong but your bond with your babies is stronger and you are doing your best for both of them, it really does get easier.

@Wrigglypiggly really well said ❤️

Thank you everyone :( having a very emotional night

cluster feeding is getting to me and everyone around me is telling me to stop Bf and give her a bottle so I can get sleep and then I’d stop feeling guilty about DS

i dont want to give up yet we’ve had a good start, good latch no tongue tie issues etc its only been jus over a week

Ours are 20 months apart. They're now 3 and 4 and I promise you it does get easier. You're only a week in! You're still recovering from giving birth, it's been such a short time. When your husband goes back to work you'll fall into your own little routine. It's got infinitely easier now our eldest is at school, although that makes me feel a bit guilty to say. A newborn and a toddler is hard. The only way is up!

17 months between my children and the early days were so tough but it gets a little easier every day.

They're in primary school now and the absolute best of friends. It was the toughest but best thing I ever did and I'm so glad they have each other.

Not that I would ever have thought it in the then, but I'd happily go back and do it all again now I know it's over 🥺

Hang in there the best is yet to come xx

Big hugs OP. I have a 23 month gap. Youngest is 7.5mo. You’re in the thick of it.

Of course it gets easier! This is probably the toughest part of your whole parenting journey.

I really struggled when mine were that age. Everything got easier for me after a few months, and once the little one was on his feet, and they could play properly together, that's when it actually got fun! Hang in there xx

Ps I went on to have two more kids, and even lockdown with a 1yo, 2yo, 4yo and 5yo wasn't as difficult as those first few weeks of adjusting to having to share myself between more than one child.

I remember the cluster feeding with my daughter it's relentless isn't it. In due in a couple of months and I'm thinking of combi feeding as I can't see how I'd feed so much with a toddler but those first few weeks I'll be EBF. Would that be an option to make life easier for you?

It gets easier and then it’s awesome. Soon your youngest will be able to just watch her brother then they start playing together.

it’s still very early for you but organisation is key. Sorting out what they are wearing, packing bags etc. 10 mins of planning makes all the difference

Honestly just keep letting each day pass and it will definitely get better.

Having 2 is the best thing ever. Mine are best buddies even a decade later and would be lost without each other

Right there with you. DD is 2.7 and DS is 11 weeks and very much still in the contact nap stage and I feel like I'm not giving 100% to either of them. Also feeling guilty for sort of wishing time away for when he's older and can nap by himself and do more. I'm very lucky though in the sense DD adores him and there's no jealousy and DS is a pretty chill baby but yeah totally get where you're coming from.

Yes it does. Mine are two years apart. I admit the first year of having two was tough but after that it just got easier and easier. They are close enough in age to play together and that was the biggest plus.

I remember feeling like this OP. I promise it does get easier, you just have to remember it's going to take some time to adjust. Being a mum to 2 DCs is a big deal and you sound like you're doing a really great job!

I used to do silly things with my eldest whilst I was feeding DC1. They would pretend to be a dog and I would throw them a beanbag to fetch; or they had to see how quickly they could run/crawl/walk backwards across the sitting room and I would time then and see if they could beat their time (all times made up in my head so whether they beat their time or not depended on what sort of mood we were both in); or they had to go & get me a particular toy and then a sock and then different things from around the house.
I also had a lot of sticker books and those "paint" books where a paintbrush dipped in water reveals the hidden picture underneath.
If both DC1 & DC2 were crying, I tended to deal with DC1 first as it was faster and then she could do something independently. With DC2, it might well be a 40 min feed was in order and I couldn't have left DC1 wailing for that long.
We also spent a lot of time with anyone who had a toddler around the same age as DC1. Yes, there was a lot of intervention but they could also have a lot of fun with another toddler friend

Congratulations on bubba!
You're doing Great and it will get easier.
You must be absolutely shattered, a newborn is beyond hard work- especially when breastfeeding. I was the same (3 under 4) if you want to breastfeed, preserve.
Baby will settle and your toddler will adapt to the new dynamics of your family.

It gets easier and better. It's tough recovering from a section when you have a toddler that wants physical affection. But you'll recover soon enough!

I've always found breast feeding to be much easier in the long run. If really try to stick it out to 6 weeks of you can. If you man it that far, I reckon you'll be able to carry on for as long as you choose to.

Your eldest will do more with daddy. That's important anyway! When baby is bigger you can swap over more so that they both get quality time with each of you. It won't do any damage to your relationship whatsoever. I've found that in the longer term they had more love because eventually the sibling will alsobe a source of affection and company.

I'm snuggled up with DC4 trying to get her down for a nap. Eldest 3 are at school/preschool. Really proud of myself for cleaning the kitchen this morning for the first time in 3 months. The early days are tough with more than one! Ride it out, it'll be much better in a few weeks. Baby will be happy to watch siblings for entertainment sometimes and siblings will like to chat to baby (although you do have to keep a close watch....).

It gets so much easier and you’re only a week in, so try and take each day as it comes, chaos and all. You’re learning a huge thing, you’re already a great mum, but now you need to learn how to balance the needs of two children. And in week one, the baby’s needs are inevitably greatest. But the cluster feeding will ease and you will find time with your older child again. I remember staggering up to the playground with my toddler and few weeks old baby, calling my best friend and crying and saying “please tell me it get’s easier”. She promised it did and she was right.