Desperate for clues how to help 8yo

[helpmepeeas]

I'm losing it. I can't reach him. It's all going wrong.

He is 8. Tonight it was FUCK YOU. YOU BITCH. your FACE, I DON'T CARE it just went on and on.

His older sister by a year is a sweetheart.

I feel I can't wipe the slate clean and seem to connect with him. He feels he's eternally punished but never understands why. He never, ever can listen after a fight. There is no "talk to him when he's calmed down". He is never prepared to listen.

He got a PS5 for Christmas and a week ago someone gave him a headset. That opened up a whole world of insanity as he got online (never done before) and started playing. The addition was swift. Tonight I took it away and he's gone insane.

He beat me up last week. And then collapsed in a state of exhaustion. I am not mad at him I am distraught trying to see the road forward to help him.

Our home life is good, but I am not with his father. He wouldn't even remember us living together but his dad is not around for his own reasons, we do not live in the same region anymore. I know my son is hurting from this. I have asked the school for help, but I already know they will tell me he's doing fine in school.

I just don't know how to STOP this ongoing fight and let him know I am desperate to stop punishing him if he would only stop firing off at me.

He thinks the other child is my favourite - neither are, they are both amazing to me. But I've lost him. He's withdrawn, at a new school now (we moved house in August) and he's just so lost.

I actually don't think anyone can help me. I am failing him so much as a parent right now.

At this age their hormones start shifting. They aren't quite going through puberty yet but their body is ramping up for it. They go through a massive brain development as a result and this is a very very hard time to parent. I would talk to his doctor and have him evaluated though as he is resorting to violence. He's 8 now so you can defend yourself but 13 is just around the corner and at that point he's practically a grown man. How are you going to fight him off then? Take it seriously. Tell the doctor how scared you are. Don't take this defeatist attitude. Get him looked at asap.

Thank you @DawnElk. I'm not scared of him. I'm scared for him. He doesn't know how to express himself and he's just all over the place. It's like he's untethered. He's never lost it physically before. He was very shook up after it.

Tonight was very verbal, shouting. But then he also follows me about, with a look of rage, I know he wants me to help him - but if I approach him in a soft way he fires off. If I try and talk rationally he kicks off mocking me. Yet he is like my shadow. He wants something from me but I don't know what, we were so close until this weird derail happened. I just can't see the way to help him. I think I need to find him a play therapist and I am hoping the school can suggest some in this area. I don't mind about costs.

The cold turkey off devices is going to kill him but it's like his brain is fried lately. If it's not the PS there is an iPad attached to his hand. It all started tonight when I asked him to switch it off, I was in his room sorting out PJs for bed. And it just all went to hell.