Emergency c section

[slightlybonkersmum]

I had to have an emergency c section for the birth of my only child due to complications.
I know and am happy it happened as myself and him would have died without it.
My question feels really silly but I talk to friends that have been through child birth and even just watched call the midwife that I love makes me feel that I am lesser of a mother and not been through real childbirth because of it.
Does anyone else feel this way.
It's so silly I know but it plays on my mind so much, my boy is 5 now

I feel the exact same way. I’ve done a birth reflections appointment at my hospital which helped, requested my notes under GDPR (which ended up being over 1000 pages!) and I’ve been seeing a private therapist about it all.

All of those things have helped, but I don’t think anything will make me feel like less of a failure (despite knowing rationally I am not a failure, and neither are you!)

No advice I’m afraid, but sending hugs x

Thank you so much for replying and so quick, I can't express how much it means. I have wanted to ask the question for so long but stayed silent thinking myself a fool

Being a mother that has carried a baby for over nine months and supported them from day one is the winner! Don't judge the whole experience on the very last hurdle.

It is out of your control how your baby was delivered and changes nothing! Trust me! You're a mother and you provided!

Bloody well done 🫡

Thank you x

Your child’s life was saved, I cannot see how you’re lesser of a mother because of that.

My first was a vaginal birth and I had a punctured spine because an anaesthetist administered the epidural incorrectly. I was in hospital for ages and had a spinal headache and now suffer the consequences of what happened during labour.

3 months later, I was pregnant again. This time I went to a different hospital and I had a planned C Section. My C Sectiom was the best decision of my life. It was a great experience and neither DS or I was harmed in the process. DS was in NICU for about 8 weeks after but that couldn’t have been avoided.

I’m not sure why there’s such a stigma around C Sections vs vaginal births. So many women have vaginal births and have a horrible experience. Surely the experience is the most important thing? Imagine you had a vaginal birth and DS wasn’t able to survive? That would be so terrible. You’re a mum and you saved your child. Even if you wanted a C Section just because, that doesn’t make you less of a mother!

Maybe therapy could help somewhat?

Completely get where you are coming from, I didn’t have an emergency c section, I had one at very short notice though due to complications that would have likely killed me and my DC had I gone into spontaneous labour….logically…I know it was the right thing and I had no choice but I definitely liken it to a grieving process that I couldn’t deliver him ‘naturally’. It really didn’t help that breastfeeding ultimately failed too and he lost an awful lot of weight due to undiagnosed tongue tie.

It doesn’t help when I try and talk about it to DP or family and the instant reply is ‘well he’s here and he’s healthy so none of that matters now’. Except it does matter, and it still creeps into my thoughts and makes me sad. I can’t offer any advice other than to say your thoughts and feelings are entirely valid and I get you.

I had an emergency C section too, I had not prepared in my mind that that could happen and feel like everyone and every appointment you have they always give you best case scenarios never the what could happen and what to expect if it doesn’t go to plan.

my son is 10 now and I am only just getting over those feelings of not feeling enough, and I am a failure etc… hindsight I should have spoke with someone with how I was feeling but always passed it off as I was overreacting.

please talk to someone even if it’s at your gp appointment I promise you will feel better xx

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry it's still tough for you.

I ended up with 3 CS (2 emergency and final planned...but was only planned 2 days prior- I was still aiming for a regular delivery)

At the time I felt so disappointed, but honestly, there's so many things you'll do over your child's life that have so much impact on how their life goes. That's how I look at it anyway!

I had similar disappointment I couldn't breastfeed my first. It went terribly. I felt so guilty for formula feeding but you know what? The food I feed her every day has a big impact to. The morals I teach her, the sports we play etc. so much goes into making a healthy, well rounded person and their method of birth is just a small part.

To go through what you have gone through shows how much of a mother you are. Think of the birth as the first selfless act you did as a mother because you sacrificed your body for 9 months and then had your body ripped open to give your child their life and to give your child a mother that's alive. You are one strong mother right there

I don't get where you're coming from, I had a crash section at 32 weeks with DTs. It wasn't fun as you can imagine but we're all here and alive.

It doesn't make me less of a mother, it makes me an alive mother to two amazing 13 year olds.

100% felt like that. Have had three, 1st emergency, 2nd for breech and 3rd as couldn’t do vba2c. Really get where you’re coming from especially after emergency section. I actually felt like I was less of a woman that my body couldn’t seem to do it ‘properly’.

But nearly 9 years later it’s starting to fade. Think my last section really helped to heal as I got the doc to drop the drapes as baby was coming out and he was delivered onto my chest and had delayed cord clamping so felt I more apart if it then something that just happened to me behind a big blue sheet.

Also really get pp who said it hard to have anyone to talk to about it because all that matters is they’re here and healthy. It mattered to me because it was scary and traumatic and not how I wanted it to go.

Would you judge an adoptive mother and say she was less of a mother because she didn’t birth her child? A mother is made, not born - from all the nights you stayed awake when he was crying or hungry or could only sleep on you; the endless hours playing trains or pushing him on swings; the pain of watching him walking into nursery or school for the first time. Please don’t let that experience define how much of a mother you are to him - you wouldn’t judge another mother that way, I’m sure. Without that experience you wouldn’t BE a mother - either he or you, or maybe both of you, wouldn’t be here.

Ive had two caesareans - the first emergency, the second planned. I felt utterly traumatised but the first. In part, I think, because there was such a massive disjoint between the lovely low-light, bouncy-ball, yoga-breathing bullshit the NCT classes convinced me was really the only kind of birth that was going to happen (they barely mentioned caesareans in passing) and the birth I actually had. I look back now and am quite angry about that myth they peddle - out of 9 women in my class only ONE had that birth. My second, planned caesarean (for the same bloody thing - but diagnosed ahead of time this time!!!) was a hugely positive, restorative experience and made me realise that the way the child entered the world had nothing at all to do with our relationship or how I mothered or whether I was any good at it.

You made and birthed from your body this incredible little human being. Don’t let the stories we fabricate about what is “normal” let you feel any less than the bloody goddess you are for that!

I have given birth vaginally. I can say without a doubt you are not a lesser mother. The only benefit is less maternal medical complications after the fact. You did what you had to to protect your child and yourself. That in and of itself makes you an amazing mother as you put on your big girl panties and endured a terrifying operation likely while awake to birth your child and make sure that they had a safe passageway into this world. Bravo! I can think of nothing braver to do.

I myself was a breath away from it myself and I had many complications. The important thing is that you and your baby are alive and well.

I suppose I can sort of see it from your point of view though. Maybe it's not so much that you feel a lesser mother but perhaps this is more about you feeling like you missed out on the experience of pushing and giving birth in the traditional way? In that sense I could understand. You can't get that moment back. It's kind of like getting married but without the wedding. But you should know that doesn't make you any less of a loving wife or in this case a mother.