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Parenting

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AIBU to go for child maintence?

10 replies

Helpmeout124 · 29/01/2024 16:34

Hello all, I have a son who is soon to be 9. His dad and I dad split when he was 5 months old and I've never claimed CSA from him. He isn't the nicest person in the world and we used to argue a lot for the first sort of 3 years of being split. He was constantly sending me abuse via text so I've just never asked him for a penny. Tell I lie, when my son was about 5 I asked him to contribute towards football lessons and he went off on one about how he wasn't paying for unnecessary things and if I couldn't afford it just not to do it, (baring in mind it was him who suggested putting him into football)

anyway, like I said he's contributed nothing up untill now to his sons upbringing. He does see him for 5 hours a week. Well like everyone the cost of living is really hitting us hard and although me and my partner both work we're struggling. Would I be wrong to claim csa out of blue after 8 and a half years? We don't argue anymore I just drop my son off and collect with pretty much no words said between us (which is how I want it too remain) the stress of abuse from him I can't cope with it right now. I just feel like he's gonna go mental. And I'm scared he will try and go for 50/50 custody to get out of it. I don't want to lose my son over money. But at the same time why should he get out of paying for his child, and my son miss out because I'm scared to poke the bear.

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 29/01/2024 16:37

I am fairly sure a man who sees his child 5 hours a week and pays nothing, will not suddenly want 50/50, so you're safe there. Go to CMS.

Helpmeout124 · 29/01/2024 17:37

He's said it before, I think to scare me

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 29/01/2024 17:46

Of course not unreasonable, it’s unlikely he would actually want 50:50 if he’s been happy to only see his son for a few hours a week. Does he have a new partner/other children? also your sons older now so his wishes would most likely be taken into consideration.

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Honeyroar · 29/01/2024 17:49

Helpmeout124 · 29/01/2024 17:37

He's said it before, I think to scare me

Tell him good, he’ll realise just how expensive raising a child is.. Hit him where it hurts..his wallet.

Meadowfinch · 29/01/2024 17:50

Yeah, my ex tried the 50:50, 'I'm not paying you a penny' approach.

It lasted precisely one weekend. He hasn't mentioned it since. 😁

IncompleteSenten · 29/01/2024 17:50

If you think there is no chance at all he genuinely wants 50/50 and he's just trying to scare you then say actually, that's a great idea. Obviously you will pay for everything he needs at your house and take care of everything like school and appointments and so on during your 50% and I'll do the same during mine. He likes x, y and z in his school lunches and his next dental appt is on Y. I think you doing 50% will be excellent for the bond between you. He really needs to spend a lot of time with you with you doing the day to day parenting stuff.

Give him a week and he'll back down.

Starseeking · 29/01/2024 17:51

Go for the CMS and don't even blink. That's your DC's money due from his father.

MadeForThis · 29/01/2024 18:22

Phone cms. Your son deserves it.

GaroTheMushroom · 29/01/2024 18:24

he doesn’t even have him overnight come on op he isn’t going to go for 50/50 😂 your son is also almost old enough to have a say on that!

caringcarer · 29/01/2024 18:57

Your DS has deserved CMS since he was born. Can't think why you never claimed it for him before. If you didn't want it you could have put it in DC bank account.

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