Privilege showing but don’t know where to put my baby?

[Tryingtomother]

Not sure if this is the right topic.

Briefly - I had my children in quick succession they are now 4&5, we were happy with two, cleared out all the baby stuff etc, and have happily spent the past couple of years working on the house.
Naturally, I found myself pregnant again.

we are in a 4 bed detached, the kids have a room each, our master, and a spare room.
i LOVE my spare room, its my tranquil hotel like peaceful pride and joy - no kids or dog allowed.
In short, i am loath to replace the stunning bed with custom made headboard with a cot changing unit and nappy bin ☹️.
Don’t feel at all right about making either of the kids share a room when there is a spare room.
i have announced to DH that the baby will remain in a cot in our room for a year until another dream house presents itself. He thinks this is madness that will pass.

how ridiculous am I and where is everyone else’s third child sleeping?

I should mention DHs family all live way down south and only ever visit when staying so at certain times of year the spare room would be sorely missed, but not all year round.

Make your master bedroom into your sanctuary at the point when you need to put your third child into his/her own room. Like you say, that might not be for quite a long time.

Alternatively give child 3 that luxury bed. Until they are sort of 3/4 or big enough to use it, they can sleep in a cot/toddler bed in your room..

Moving house is an absolute shocker with 3 kids. I'd avoid that!!

How much time do you spend in your spare room? Do you personally use and enjoy it, do you like that relatives/friends get to come and enjoy it? Or is it more that you enjoy having a quiet tranquil space that stays pristine as no one is ever in there?

Would the 4 & 5 year olds potentially be excited about bunk beds and sharing a room together, or would they hate it?

Who actually stays in this room with the fabulous bed? How often do you have guests?

I'm not going to lie, I do think you're being a little precious. Your baby won't need a room by themselves for quite some time. So it does t have to be an immediate decision. I had an unexpected third in a 3 bed house so my youngest was in with me for a year and then my boys had to share which wasn't ideal as eldest is autistic and it was challenging.

You have time to get used to the idea and work out a plan organically.

But also, perhaps dial down your homes and gardens idealistic view and accept that compromise is inevitable.

Can you fit a cot with the fancy bed? If not, could you redistribute bedrooms so you can? I wouldn't be scrapping furniture or moving house, when realistically it's months before baby needs a room at all and years before they need it be anywhere more than a place to sleep.

Can you extend? Or go into loft? Just stamp duty/moving costs could be a good option if feasible.

I haven't/will never experience this issue (wish i did we are cramped)

But growing up my mum did, she put on an extension and made basically a suite 😅 juliet balcony, dressing room ect

I think you need to get a grip. You'll have three children so you don't really have that luxury surely?

@Klcak thanks for the reply, I’d absolutely love my own bedroom to be my sanctuary it’s more of a pit stop for the clean washing, DH’s computer and whatever the kids bring through in the middle of the night. I’m working on it lol x

@givemushypeasachance I hide in there frankly. We take my niece and nephew after school so the after school teatime hours are carnage and while I’m working on limiting the chaos to their bedrooms and downstairs my hard and fast this door stays shut rule does absolute wonders for my sensory overload. Regards people staying though that is more rare, my in-laws bring my other nephew maybe every two or three months for a weekend, and then Christmas hosting etc.

The kids already share that’s the joke of the situation! My son has a trundle bed and I can’t remember the last time my daughter opted to sleep in her own bed and not his coz they want their stories together etc. The issue is more how precious they are about their respective hobbies being shrined in their own rooms, and I’m trying to teach them to get their own clothes etc so more worried about explaining to one of them why their space is being encroached upon. I think maybe I’m over sensitive because I had to share until I literally moved out and hated it 😂

We have fewer bedrooms and fewer kids. The kids share a bedroom so that we have a spare room. They like it! It isn’t a hardship for them to share. But I agree with pp, make your own bedroom the sanctuary at the point at which you move the baby out from your room.

@Pickles2023 no we have looked at it from every which angle and the house is already extended to every boundary, we are on an estate so it’s tight. Loft was an option but we’ve been told the roof is too low for it to be remotely useful as anything but storage. And this is the point where I drive DH mad with rightmove links

My third baby slept in bedroom five which was next to bedroom one and then moved to bedroom four when they were a toddler.

Can you make your bedroom into a sanctuary with the lovely bed etc?

I think once older you should give up the spare room and declutter your own room to be more of a sanctuary. Or get a summer house in the garden to hide in.

@NewYear24 thats defo the plan I already did a big clear out on my room in terms of extra clothes and bedding but it’s just such a used space with DH often working nights and being in there in the day and the kids trailing in and out it’s a hard one to lock down any kind of system that works other than regularly mucking out. Definitely not a zen experience.

Agree with trying to make your own room the sanctuary and working out other places for the laundry, computer etc to go.

Are your DC still coming into your room at night… I would be trying to sort that gently before DC3 arrives.

Honestly with two kids close together I'd have them share, they may well love it

Option 1 - You make your bedroom the sanctuary. Everything else needs to go somewhere else. Not sure the practicalities of that obviously but seems the easiest option.

Option 2 - can you build a garden room? And have this be your sanctuary? My DH did this and it’s a really cool space he loves to spend time.

Option 3 - Can you move before the baby is born to a 5 bed or a 4 bed with better scope to extend?

Surely clean laundry, DH computer etc would go in the spare room? I think that’s how most people would do it anyway rather than in their own room and keeping the spare room pristine!

I would try the sharing for a bit and see if you can crack that with plenty of time before the baby needs a room of its own

If the collections of dc ‘stuff’ are an issue, can you build in book cases/wall shelves to the shared room with a wall for each dc and massive consequences if they touch the other’s stuff without permission. Or maybe they can keep their collections in a big plastic box with a ‘lock’

I find this quite weird; you want 2 bedrooms to yourself so your kids have to share?

Do you actually want this baby? Cuz tbh honest it sounds like you’d rather have a spare room instead.

You could still have a year or more before it becomes an issue. Our DC is almost 2 and showing no signs of wanting their own room. Their intended bedroom used to be our spare room, then got gutted in preparation for DC, and is now lying in limbo - half child bedroom, half random storage/home office. Enjoy your spare room a bit longer then make your room your new and improved sanctuary.

If it's a 4 bed house, what's the downstairs space looking like? Can you turn a downstairs room either into your own space or into a bedroom for one of the children? I'd suggest one of the older ones once the new one is ready for their own room. Our last 4 bed had a massive second living room that we weren't using. We turned ours into a playroom but it could have become a bedroom just as easily and many on our street did that with it.

Also worth noting, little kids generally like sharing rooms with each other, it gives them company and companionship after they move out of your room and makes the dark less frightening.

Your bedroom should be your sanctuary and baby can have it's own room.

I'm expecting twins, they will be #2 and #3. They will be sharing a room, thankfully they are both the same sex.

You would be keeping the room for entirely selfish reasons instead of putting the kids first. Sorry to sound harsh, but it's true.

If you love the furniture in it so much, just keep it. Either for when baby gets older or offer the room / just the furniture to your older ones now.

Otherwise look to move / extend / loft conversion.

But this baby doesn't need to grow up feeling like the spare / accident.

On the odd occasion a spare room would have been helpful, use the sofa, an airbed, put pull put beds in, sleeping bags, or even send relatives home early or to a local B&B!

Just make your own bedroom so you love it as much as the spare room 😉