Sometimes I wish I could just turn back the clock, and have a few more child-free years.

[NameChangedForNow]

I know it's not the best thing for a mother to wish, but lately I've been wishing I could go back to the short life I had before dd (now 1.5yrs) was born. I had her when I was nearly 20. I'm a SAHM and feel so trapped sometmes. I love her to bits but she wasnt planned and to be honest I really wasn't ready for this responsibility.

Just had a moan to dh on the phone, he's in work but doesn't actually have any work to do (he hasn't for a few weeks now but is still getting paid, there's just nothing for them to ask him to do atm) so he is just working on a little project of his own at his computer in work. Meanwhile I am stuck at home with dd and even though she's generally good, I just get SO envious of dh and the way he can just go out to work and leave the rest to me.

Not expecting advice just wanted to rant!

oops used the word just far too much there!

My boys are all older now, but when they were younger, I often used to wistfully wonder about how life would be if we hadn't had them - and I was 27 when I had DS1.

No advice, just thought I'd say you're not alone in feeling this way.

Its tough having a little one and feeling trapped is so common. You're not on your own. Do you have friends nearby or clubs you could go to?

Do you get out and about as much as possible? Could you get some part time work? I think most Mums must have felt like you at one time or another, it's normal to miss your lost freedom especially when you're not ready for it. I would try to have some time for yourself at least once a week where dh looks after your dd.

Rant away if you want to. I feel like you sometimes and I am way older so it isn't just an age thing.

I know this sounds really obvious but have you thought of getting a job, part-time maybe. Do you have somebody to look after DD?

Failing that can you go back to college and train for something so that you can get a job when she is older.

You don't have to be stuck at home all day if you don't want to. Being a SAHM is the best and worst job in the world and if you have had enough for a while you don't have to do it.

Nothing is permanent - if you found you preferred being a SAHM after working for a bit you could go back to it.

You do have options

I felt like that in the past too, had dd1 when i was 17 luckily i have a supportive family so I do get some time off sometimes and I think it helps keep me sane, I love being with my dd's and i'm also a childminder so I spend a lot of time with children and enjoy it but now and again it's nice to do things on my own or with dp that we wouldn't otherwise have had chance to do.

HI - if it's any consolation, I wish I had had a few LESS child free years as I feel that I want to have 3 young children when I;m in my late 20,s/ early 30's rather than late 30's. Just think, when some more of your friends do the 'average age mother' bit you'll be free and easy, able to go out without appendage!

i was just thinking the exact same thing this morning. I started another thread about being so bored with DD's role play games and just being bored of being a SAHM (have been at home for 5 years now).

I had DD when i was 33 so not even particularly young and i still feel i should have waited a few years so i can imagine how you feel.

I am going to try and do something for me, like study part time and hopefully that'll make a difference.

You are not alone!

i feel like this sometimes. i have 2 kids and i'm a SAHM and i often feel un-utterably bored by the mundaneness of it all. it's just so boring sometimes. i was 21 when i had my DS (now nearly 4), and i know what you mean. i was at university before i had him, and it seems like a life-time ago.

could you get a part-time ob or something - i've just started a saturday job, partly because we need the money and partly because i need to use my brain again or i will go insane.

do you get out and meet other mums, do you have a local nct, they have been invaluable to me and i've made loads of mum friends through them. it helps so much to go out somewhere different and talk to an adult.

and just think when we're 40 we will be free to travel the world!

Why don't you go back to full time work. I worked full time when I had my first baby at 22 and after that and it was much more fun and a nicer life for all of us.

Hmm.

I had my daughter when I was 38 (and a half ). So, lots and lots of childfree years, work, travelling, friends, lovers, etc.

It certainly meant I had no regrets when I found myself stationary with a baby. I know what's out there. I didn't miss it a bit - I knew it was all still out there and would be just as soon as I wanted to go there again.

it's not always that easy tho xenia, if i worked full time i would end up losing money as the childcare would be more than my salary! it's ok if you have a carrer that you can walk back into but if you're not actually qualified to do something in particular, you find yourself working for £6 an hour and paying way maore than that in childcare.

That's true. May be try to ensure any daughters you have get a profession they are qualified in so it's easier for them to have a realistic choice of going back. Could you do something from home like write or childmind or put on children's parties or some sort of small business thing you could set up?

Yup, it's tedious at time. And relentless. And repetitive. Buuuuut, it's so much better than working. Any time I have a bad day, I imagine being back at my desk at my old job with not much to do - yeah, I could go for a coffee whenever I felt like it - but it was soooooo boring and unstimulating. Give me babies any day...

I was 26 when I had my first baby, which is young for my group of friends most of whom are still childless. I love hearing about their antics, but I certainly don't feel I'm missing anything. And I look at my parents who are in their early fifties, young and healthy and enjoying very busy lives.

Don't feel bad about ranting. No matter how much you love your baby, it's bloody relentless. But try and enjoy it too - this time passes quickly.

I had my first (and so far only) child at 37 and I wish wish wish I had started earlier because I wish I could have three or four. As it is, I'll be lucky to have one more.

I know it must be really restricting to be stuck at home when you're still so young and you probably feel like you'll be old by the time your kids have gone off to university or whatever but trust me, if there is one thing I wish I had known at your age, it's that I'd still feel young at my age.

Good luck.

Now that dd's in bed and everything's calmer I've finally got a chance to get back to this thread.

In answer to whether I get out and meet people, I do try to take dd to the library/park/music group etc but as we are quite new to this area I haven't made any friends yet. Mostly it's just me and dd which definately gets boring sometimes!

cluckyagain I know where you're coming from, I do sometimes think about how when I'm 38 dd will be 18, so me and Dh will have 'our time' then. I'm looking forward to far-flung holidays and being a younger granny, but still can't shake off the feeling that I'm missing out on my youth. Lucicle you have cheered me up tonight and I know I still have time to do all the things I want to do.. I just hope I still feel young enough by the time dd and any future dcs have flown the nest!

Anyway must dash as dh is being nosey!

Namechange: everyone is different with regard to what they want and how they parent, and there is nothing wrong with finding it dull to be a SAHM. It's particularly dull when you don't get to talk to anyone apart from your DD who by the sound if it is a bit young for really interesting conversation. Persevere with local social groups (bearing in mind that some parent-and-baby groups can be absolutely vile) and think about some sort of part time work. Things like Avon/Usborne/Bettaware are not bad if you are in a new area as you do get to know your customers a bit as well as bringing in a bit of extra cash.

I am 46, NC, now and I had 3 children by the time I was 26 (although I was working full time building a career that I have been very happy with at the same time) and it's great to be in my 40s with three adult children (and 2 younger ones). My children knew all 4 grandparents. My brother and sister have had their children nearer to age 40 and their grandparents are either dead, ill and old and it's quite nice to think the parent bit is nearly over and I feel quite fit and active still.

But my view is it is so dull as a stay a home mother and not intellectually challenging enough you need to think about work even if it is almost at a loss that you work for your own peace of mind or do something from home.

Another advantage - I could not have had 5 children (if you think it's an advantage - I do) had I started having babies when my brother and sister have. They have two each.

NameChangedforNow, the job you are doing now with your child is IRREPLACEABLE. Nobody will do it better that you and you are giving your child a wonderful gift. You are still young and full of energy. You can get back to work, stugies, etc, in a few years.
Try to enjoy the time you have with your child, there is a lot you can do with them, just need to be a little creative.

I had my first baby at 25 so not as young as you but I did have nearly ten years of partying and socialising before I had kids so I am thankful for that. I didn't want to leave it too late like some of my friends. i am pg again and am glad I will have it all out the way by the time I'm 30 so we can have some time to ourselves when we are older.

I feel like this sometimes, and I was 27, had travelled & partied loads and had established a great career when I had my son. And he was much wanted. I wasn't exactly a teenage mum who hadn't seen the world. Still have pangs mow and then, though. Wish I had taken up an opportunity to work in NYC for a year. Wish I had lived alone for a bit longer before 'settling down'. Ah well.

I think there's hardly ever a 'right' time to start having children. I was 32 when I had dd, and ds was born when I was 34 which is probably about average on here and felt right at the time. Doesn't stop me wishing sometimes that I had started earlier so that I could 'get my life' back sooner. Other times (albeit rarely!) I get broody and wonder about having another one in my 40's.

I really feel for you. When ds was a baby and there were some tough, dark nights when it felt like the whole world was asleep except for me, I luckily still felt content and knew that for me there was absolutely nowhere I'd rather be and nothing I'd rather do than be rocking my baby. I know a couple of friends just felt desperate and like 'oh FGS I'd rather be down the pub'!!

I was 35 when I had him and had ticked the boxes for going out, doing a bit of travelling and seeing a few places, and getting qualified and I was READY.

HOWEVER since then I have found it really hard grind being back to full time working with ds a very young child; i've gone back because he's now at school but there are all the holidays to cover, inset days, his illnesses; and all my peers have older teenagers who are independent or some have left home, and people REALLY forget the difficulties of having a child at home needing looking after.

So I think my point is that being 20 is a fab age to get the child stuff out of the way, in that way; maybe even train up part time while you have the kids and are young; believe me it will be easier to have a career and not feel stressed and exhausted, when your kids are much more independent.

And I still feel like a teenager and am 40 so yes you will CERTAINLY have the energy to enjoy your 'grown up' time when they're older.

Maybe keep the 'me time' in mind all through your child/ren's early years and actually keep a notebook of your plans and dreams so that you feel they are not being forgotten in the chaos of family life?

Good luck

NameChange, really pleased to hear I've cheered you up a tiny bit. You absolutely will feel young enough when your kids have flown the nest to do everything you might want to do. I honestly do wish I'd had at least one baby earlier - I had no idea that I would still feel like a young person at 39.

I think it's brilliant that by the time you're in your mid-twenties, you'll have kids who are more than old enough to be left with grandparents for the weekend etc. You'll be able to do stuff and go out and do anything you want to do. Plus, you'll be able to do all the far-flung holiday stuff sooner than it seems. I really want to take my daughter to India (we were planning a trip when I got pregnant) but by the time I can realistically safely do that, I'll be well into my forties, maybe even nearly fifty. How lovely it will be for you to be able to do that kind of thing while you are still in your twenties or thirties.

When I was your age, I always thought getting pregnant and having a baby would absolutely be the end of my world. I think I was really wrong about that and I wish I'd known I was wrong a bit sooner!