Food given on dad's weekend!

jelly79 · 2024-01-28T20:31:45+00:00

My DS7 goes to his Dads EOW DS has chronic constipation, daily movicol, and still tries to with hold so can be tough to see him in pain and trying to manage the toilet and accidents I am really conscious of a well balanced diet and he will eat most things and is really healthy. Goes to his dads and eats absolute sh*te. Pizza, popcorn, bacon butties, macdonalds No fruit or veg. How hard is it! He is crying in pain again!

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Datafan55 · 28/01/2024 20:49

Can you video him crying in pain, and send with a message saying 'this is what happens when he eats x, y and z'?

He either thinks he's treating your son... or not thinking at all!

MyselfYouselfMeYou · 29/01/2024 00:27

At 7 can't you get your son to be more responsible for his own diet? If your ex is that bad then I can't imagine you are going to get him to change his ways.

Original poster

jelly79 · 29/01/2024 09:00

Thanks both just needed to vent! We had a chat last night and he was really apologetic (has been before) and come up with a plan.

I agree DS can take more responsibility but at 6 if he is offered pizza and chips he will likely eat them! But we have had a chat about that too

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crumblingschools · 29/01/2024 09:03

Can you send him with some fruit, would he eat it? Does dad remember to give him his medication?

pinkyfinger · 29/01/2024 09:07

I feel your pain OP. At his dad's my ASD ds forgets his movicol, teeth brushing etc. he's older but unable to turn down the fast food as still just a kid! I had a talk with exH about encouraging healthy eating, he agreed, then was straight off to macdonalds. My dc just get given junk food at their dad's because exH is lazy and can't be bothered cooking. So it means I am very strict with veg and nutrition when they're at mine because I know with my ex it's in one ear and out of the other. It's really hard but I'm resigned to the fact that I'll have to be the 'strict' parent and food at daddy's is a treat and usually not more than once a week.

Datafan55 · 29/01/2024 14:33

jelly79 · 29/01/2024 09:00

Thanks both just needed to vent! We had a chat last night and he was really apologetic (has been before) and come up with a plan.

I agree DS can take more responsibility but at 6 if he is offered pizza and chips he will likely eat them! But we have had a chat about that too

That's good.

And....I am much the same at 49 :-)

Original poster

jelly79 · 29/01/2024 21:04

pinkyfinger · 29/01/2024 09:07

I feel your pain OP. At his dad's my ASD ds forgets his movicol, teeth brushing etc. he's older but unable to turn down the fast food as still just a kid! I had a talk with exH about encouraging healthy eating, he agreed, then was straight off to macdonalds. My dc just get given junk food at their dad's because exH is lazy and can't be bothered cooking. So it means I am very strict with veg and nutrition when they're at mine because I know with my ex it's in one ear and out of the other. It's really hard but I'm resigned to the fact that I'll have to be the 'strict' parent and food at daddy's is a treat and usually not more than once a week.

I feel this. Sounds bad but ex is a EOW babysitter type dad.

I will make him something Friday and Sunday. And pack fruit for Saturday

He 'mostly' gives him his movicol but I've caught him lying about it several times. It's just lazy!

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Original poster

jelly79 · 29/01/2024 21:05

crumblingschools · 29/01/2024 09:03

Can you send him with some fruit, would he eat it? Does dad remember to give him his medication?

Oh I happily would but ex says it's fine he will do it and apologies. Then when it comes round may stick to it one weekend and then back to this nonsense

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MzHz · 29/01/2024 21:13

The key to this is enabling and empowering your son to make allowances and adjustments for his own health and wellbeing

he can do this, you can support him

it won’t always be this hard

Original poster

jelly79 · 30/01/2024 07:33

MzHz · 29/01/2024 21:13

The key to this is enabling and empowering your son to make allowances and adjustments for his own health and wellbeing

he can do this, you can support him

it won’t always be this hard

I absolutely agree and I will focus on this as a positive

I cook with him and he understands the basics of what and why we need certain foods. I suppose when movie night choices are pizza and popcorn he will just happily go along. I will absolutely be helping him more along the way now and hopefully he will direct his dad 🤣

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vidflex · 30/01/2024 08:18

MzHz · 29/01/2024 21:13

The key to this is enabling and empowering your son to make allowances and adjustments for his own health and wellbeing

he can do this, you can support him

it won’t always be this hard

I agree with this. I feel for you op my daft exh used to let our lactose intolerant dc have ice cream and milkshakes on his weekend and then poor dc would be quite unwell for a few days. He'd lie and deny it. I'd constantly explain to dc the reasons she was feeling so awful and she soon started refusing to have these things. It's bloody awful isn't it seeing your dc in pain unwell due to their own parent's ineptitude x

hulahoopqueen · 30/01/2024 08:26

We have literally exactly the same situation but in reverse - DSS is at mum's 9/14 nights and without fail at least once a week he'll be at ours and cry on the toilet for as long as we let him - once he went 30 mins before I put my foot down (it was scaring DD).
DH is at his wits end; when we ask DSS "What did you have to eat at mummy's this week?" (conversationally not confrontationally) and it's always "we had nuggets on Monday and yesterday we had McDonald's and mummy did my school packed lunch with crisps and fruit rollers", there's rarely a fruit or vegetable to be seen.
His mum has taken him to the GP and been given laxatives, but she seems to think that that means she doesn't need to make any effort with his diet, no matter how DH has tried to explain that it works best in conjunction with healthy eating, it doesn't take the place of it.
I wish I could offer advice OP but honestly I've got no clue how to deal with it either, she just won't hear reason!

Original poster

jelly79 · 30/01/2024 11:09

hulahoopqueen · 30/01/2024 08:26

We have literally exactly the same situation but in reverse - DSS is at mum's 9/14 nights and without fail at least once a week he'll be at ours and cry on the toilet for as long as we let him - once he went 30 mins before I put my foot down (it was scaring DD).
DH is at his wits end; when we ask DSS "What did you have to eat at mummy's this week?" (conversationally not confrontationally) and it's always "we had nuggets on Monday and yesterday we had McDonald's and mummy did my school packed lunch with crisps and fruit rollers", there's rarely a fruit or vegetable to be seen.
His mum has taken him to the GP and been given laxatives, but she seems to think that that means she doesn't need to make any effort with his diet, no matter how DH has tried to explain that it works best in conjunction with healthy eating, it doesn't take the place of it.
I wish I could offer advice OP but honestly I've got no clue how to deal with it either, she just won't hear reason!

I hear you! Head in hands when I hear some of this food! I actually buzz of the watching DS eat healthy so cannot fathom which sh*te options are his go to! He is not lazy and quite a healthy guy. I think he sees his time with DS as treat time but I don't even want DS to have that mentality of junk food is a treat

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