Anyone else with 2 kids feel a sense of relief that you've "done it"

[reddam]

I guess it won't apply to those who are keen to have 3+ kids but I've not really been able to discuss this with anyone in real life, partly because friends don't know how much I struggled with PND after my first child, and how nervous I was having DC2 because of my experience the first time round (luckily I've had a wonderful experience this time round), but has anyone else 6-12 months into their second child's life thought "I've done it, I've got 2 kids, now we can move forward as a family of 4"?

For me it feels like a huge sense of relief. I guess I do really find babies and young children hard work, as well as pregnancies! But it feels like the future is bright and the mental load of considering stuff now like:

• how big an age gap to have, both financially and for the children's sake
• how another maternity leave fits into work, promotions etc
• when is the right time of year?
• how long to fall pregnant? Etc etc.

Now that's all done we can move forward with life.

Anyone else had this realisation and feel a sense of relief? Maybe it's obvious but it's really hit me recently and it's a good feeling so I wanted to share!!

Yes absolutely. I feel very fortunate we were able to have our two, as we know many not so lucky - but yes, exactly as you say very glad to be done with pregnancy, childbirth, and the early years too.

Absolutely!

Relief that my family was complete, grateful for the fact that we have 2 healthy children.

Also excitement , looking forward to seeing what the future might be for us as a family.

I have 3 but I felt exactly like this as soon as my third was born for all the same reasons. I feel so so lucky and I will never take any of it for granted.

Oh yes. And it gets better the older they get. Less worry, fewer costs, more opportunities.

My DN is 5 months. He's adorable but not sleeping well. I will happily bounce him to sleep for a nap when visiting, but I feel relieved my days of waking up in the night to feed a baby are gone.

Yes to this, and I'm still in the trenches of young kids (5.5 and 3), so exhausted a lot of the time. Knowing we are done, though, is a huge relief!

I completely expected to feel how you’ve described, but no, I’m suddenly absolutely desperate to have another baby and don’t feel ‘done’, despite thinking 2 was my maximum and having horrible experiences in pregnancy etc.

unfortunately I don’t think we can financially manage a third, but it’s like a weird biological urge that I can’t use logic and reasoning to make go away.

Not at the stage you’re at - I probably still thought we might go again then. But when dh had his vasectomy it was the best feeling. I was worried i might have a pang of regret but actually was just so excited looking forward to the next part of our life without the what ifs.

100%. Also a tinge of sadness as it took so long for DC2 with a lot of anxiousness around it due to horrible experience then PND with DC1 yet DC2 was amazing! She's 10 months old now and it's been night and day. If she came earlier when we first started trying (and I was shit scared and wanting to just get it done) I know deep down we'd have gone for a third baby. However, I am still so thankful I had a much more positive experience and we have two beautiful children.

I felt like that after having one child.

We are done. We have a soon to be 8y old and soon to be 16y old.
The enjoyment we have at the moment of having date nights again and spending lots of time together is amazing.
It feels like we're back to dating after 20 years, right where we started The oldest was away last night. Impromptu home date night was pretty spectacular last night.

We have not had any help for 6 years since MIL died and all other family far away.

I am starting to feel like me again too.

I have three - never felt it with my second but feel it 100% with our third. They are 6, 4 and 3 now and whilst I enjoyed the baby stage I feel so much contentment with where we are right now. (Definitely prefer children to babies!)

Absolutely! I have a 6 month old and a 3 year old, we are 100% done and I can see the tinniest glimmer of a future! Identical to you, I really struggled first time round but have enjoyed baby/mat leave this time round. Despite this, I’m so glad I never have to be pregnant again and I never have to give birth again. Every day that passes, I’m one step closer to being done with breastfeeding and sleepless nights. My career can start to take a bigger priority and we can enjoy life with actual children as opposed to manage chaos with a baby and a toddler. My SIL has a 9 yo and a 6 yo and of course it has its challenges, but it’s entirely different to our existence currently and she will happily say she wouldn’t swap 😂 I will so miss having tiny children, but I’m excited for the future as well.

Yes. Very lucky to have our 4yo son and 1yo daughter after years of infertility and IVF.

so glad I never have to try to get pregnant again. It wrecked our marriage, it wrecked my life.

such crazy mixed feelings about no more babies though. God I love them so much. I love babies - from newborns up to first steps all of it. BUT f me they are hard work. Understatement of the century. The sleep deprivation is brutal. There is both sadness and relief to not do that again.

same with pregnancy! I had - still have SPD so painful. And it was exhausting. But god I loved being pregnant. It’s just incredible, feeling them move, seeing your bump grow. Ahhh so special. So glad I got to do it.

ive asked DH to get a vasectomy though. For so many reasons it makes sense for us to be complete and done with our beautiful two.

I would love to have that feeling, I wish I did. My head absolutely tells me to stop at the 2 we have but I just can't shake the niggle, and sometimes a yearning, for 1 more child. Mine are 6 and 8 and still I feel it. I hope to feel like you do one day soon.

I feel like this too. My second and last child will start reception this September :) It's not easy yet but we're carving out more time for ourselves at the weekend and the kids play independently at times.
I started a few years earlier than friends which has had its challenges but I'm happy not to be going through the baby years now. This stage is good.

Yes! I’ve thought about a third but know we probably wouldn’t cope well and financially we are comfortable with two as everything is very much catered to that!
Very happy with my 2 dc and I now see people I know only just having their first I think thank f* I’m past that stage! It’s lovely but it’s also hard work especially having to go back to work part time , being worse off and navigating nursery fees. Happy to be through the other side as it were!

Yes.

I remember giving myself a little word in the delivery suite after a horrendous experience. Our first was stillborn. So I held my newborn 2nd surviving son, cried tears of relief, and drew a line. I've never looked back.

Sorry to hear about this tragic loss @goingdownfighting you sound amazingly strong.

Yes. I knew as soon as DC2 was born that I was done and relieved about it.

When my dcs were 6 and 4 we went to a bbq at a friend's house. Two of my friends had babies around 8-10 months old. I was so glad I didn't have to deal with that stage again and could just enjoy the bbq with dcs keeping themselves occupied.

I definitely feel done now I have my two - I'm finally getting around to making an appointment for a sterilisation I feel that firmly about it. Most of the issues in the OP don't apply to me - I'm a sahm and difficulties ttc meant we just had to accept the age gap and month of birth we ended up with, but it's all worked out.

I love the sense of completeness we have in photos as a family of 4, and booking holidays and trips out for 4 of us. It just feels like everything clicks into place. I'm loving my DC2 at the toddler stage so I'm not wishing we can speed through it, just enjoying each day while also looking forward to more independence and time to myself.

This has been really nice to read. I struggled for 5 years without success for a 3rd. Hearing all the great things about just 2 has been surprisingly comforting.