I find all DD's games boring and can no longer bring myself to play them - feel awful

[oneplusone]

DD is 4.5 and she loves 'role play' games usually where she's the teacher and I'm 'Emily' or 'Amy' etc and usually just involves her talking and ordering me about (like a teacher!) and I until now I have indulged her but I have reached the point of boredom where it turns to insanity and I just can't play that game for a second longer. Nor can i play any of her other games which are all basically role playing; in fact whilst she is a lovely, intelligent, lively and very chatty girl, all the things she wants to do bore me rigid.

I find myself on MN (or trying to MN anyway) at every available opportunity after DD is home from school as I am so bored. Yesterday DD said to me all I did was take her to school and 'work' on my computer ie meaning I never play with her which recently i guess is true . I do try but I just can't do it anymore. I much prefer going out with the DC's to the park etc but after school she's tired and hungry and then it's late/dark/raining so we stay in mostly. I am going to restart some of her after school activities after the easter hols, perhaps this will help.

I feel this is part of a wider problem which is simply that I am bored of being a SAHM in general (i also have DS who is nearly 2). I've been at home nearly 5 years now and really feel I need to either go back to work/do a course, something where I will be in adult company and use my brain (what's left of it anyway).

I do intend to start a course at the local college but that's not til september and I honestly don't know how i'm going to get through the 6 months til then.

I do meet up with other mums etc but find myself feeling jealous of the mums at DD's school who work and have good jobs. From reading other threads on MN about trying to go back to work after having been a SAHM it seems like an impossible task to find a part time job with time off for sickness and school holidays. I read one post which said the only way to get a part time job was to start full time and then try and reduce your hours after a while which i am sure is true. But i couldn't contemplate going back to work full time at the moment.

I feel so bored and frustrated, and it's affecting my DC's which makes me feel so terrible and guilty. But i also don't really feel confident about going back to work anyway so it's not really an option either and i feel faint at the thought of trying to juggle the kids/work/home etc i find it hard enough to manage just the kids and the housework. I think i am pretty much useless all round.

I don't expect anyone to have any answers, but just getting it out feels good.

Please don't feel guilty for not wanting to play children's imaginative games at children's level. Your DD needs another child to play with her, not for her mother to do this (can't she boss DS around?). It's not good parenting to be bored in your child's company .

Try to think of things that you and DD can do that you enjoy together.

For example, my DD (3.3) adores cooking so we make chocolate mousse, tiramisù, choc cake and other things where she can break eggs, measure sugar, stir, and use the electric beater - she is so happy to do this together and so proud when she can tell her father that she made his pudding (or tell our dinner guests). And, although it takes longer to cook with her in tow, at least we both get something out of it and it is productive.

Your not the only one. I too get bored playing DD's games. I would much rather play an actual game than sit there while she does role play. Theres only so many times you can pretend to be a princess and fall asleep for her to come and kiss you.
I try to get out of these and then play something I enjoy. Hide and seek is a good one, so is cooking, play doh and colouring.

Roll on the summer when shell be happy to play in the garden while I sit on the lounger observing

Hi Anna, there are things i would like to do with DD, baking is one of them but it is impossible to do anything like this with DS around. If he's in the kitchen with us he gets into everything and i end up chasing after him instead of spending time with DD. If I keep him out of the kitchen he screams to come in so i can't win.

That's why i prefer to be out as then DS can run about and I can chat with DD. I think being cooped up in the house is not helping at all.

I find i don't have much patience though and have tried arty things with DD but i just get frustrated and try to do it myself instead of helping her.

I have decided that i am just not cut out to really connect with young children. I have friends with older children and they go to museums and do things i know i'll enjoy. Also DS being the age he is makes things harder. Once he's a bit older i can see it will be much more feasible to do things like baking with him as well and perhaps i will enjoy it all a bit more. I hope so.

I came across another thread along the same lines ie not feeling like you're enjoying being a parent and i totally related to it all.

Not sure what you meant when you said 'it's not good parenting to be bored in your child's company'? The fact is I AM bored. But not by her company as such, but by the games she wants to play and just the generaly drudgery of being a SAHM. Pre-baby i was a well educated, intelligent, working professional, now i feel like i am nobody.

Off on the school run now.

oneplusone I could have written your post dd1 is 3.6 and dd2 is 14months, dd1 at preschool the mornings I don't work (I work mondays and fridays and I'll never give that up it feels awful to say but I love going to work those days)

dd1 is always bored because at preschool she has other children, messy stuff etc but messy/cooking etc is impossible as dd2 either eats teh paint or ends up with me distracting her so dd1 still left alone.

I have just shut myself in kitchen for 5mins as they are both whingey and want me and I want to be left alone for 5minutes (dd2 is crying for no apparent reason, dd1 crying because I won't read the book to her (I have read it 7 times in the last 45minutes and am fed up of it have offered a different book but thats not good enough) she also always wants me to play with her (dolls house/play kitchen/dolls etc) she can occupy herself for 30mins and then starts whining again.

We have lots of playdates especially with my best mate who's dd is a few months older than dd1 and her ds a few months younger than dd2 (they have grown up together and go to preschool together) and then we get some peace! But she is back at work now and we only have Thursdays when we can both get togbether.

Shes not 4 till September so she won't got to school til Sept 2009 so I have another 18months of this and not sure how I'm going to cope like you said roll on summer at least we won't be cooped up indoors (its pouring down here at mo)

No practical help but just a huge sympathy - i know how you feel post!!

eandh and oneplusone - can't you just stick on an Angelina Ballerina DVD, pop your DDs into tutus and ballet shoes and leave them to teach themselves ballet?

I do this quite a bit with my daughter and she actually has learnt a LOT of ballet and entertains us with renditions of Swan Lake in the evenings.

Oh, and I've stuck a floor length mirror near the TV/DVD so that she can admire herself while practising

Gorgeous tutus in lovely colours - here

Angelina Ballerina DVDs on Amazon.

We took dd1 to see angelina in butlins last year and she loved it and joined in the dancing, put the tv programme on at home and she hates it although she is now happy as peppa pig is on and dd2 is just laying in the floor looking sorry for herself

My dad has phoned to say he is home early so popping down to see them so that'll occupy them till tea time

Has she got her own tutu?

My daughter's first tutu was the very best toy we have ever bought her (plus the ballet shoes and tiara ) - hours and hours and hours of looking at herself dancing in the mirror

Surely everyone has these moments? Mine are usually at 7.30 on a Sunday morning when I DO NOT want to pretend to be 'Thomas' by crawling around the living room floor (again).
I am of the generation who's parents didn't believe in playing with their children, so think I over do it a bit with DS sometimes. Plus I have mega guilt about him being the only child of a single mum so try to compensate for that. Guess they just have to learn that you don't feel like it all the time though.

TBH I don't really do role play with DD. Only very occasionally to give her some ideas. She is at nursery 3 days a week for full days and has a friend round quite a lot. If we are in on our own (ie DS is at school) I will do "activities" with her - hama beads, making necklaces, glueing/sticking, practicing letters, baking etc. But while I am cleaning she will often play with her babies and I am required to break off every so often to change their nappies, clothes etc that she can't manage. And between times she will be marching round in a pair of plastic play shoes with a handbag pushing the pram.

It sounds to me (as you've identified yourself) that this is more about your need to do something different / adult for yourself rather than the role play games per se (although I sympathise about the role play games - DS has turned into a big fan and I am going to have a breakdown if I have to pretend to supervise yet another birthday party for an imaginary alien called "Skeglesset" who apparently flies in from Australia on a Qantas A340 airbus especially for the occasion. Skeglesset is lucky enough to have a birthday EVERY day, and all the toys are invited. I get to unwrap each and every imaginary present and look excited. sigh)

Although your course doesn't start until September, is there anything you could do in the same sort of area to get into the "feel" of it - discussion groups or anything like that?

Dd, also 4.5, is obsessed with Barbies at the moment. Barbies go on school trips, Barbies go to school, to a party, to the supermarket, on holiday and so on and so on and so on and it's DRIVING ME INSANE.

It is mind-numbingly boring playing make-believe games. I yawn so much I think I'm going to dislocate my jaw.

Surely anyone who enjoys two hours' non-stop pretend games with a four-year-old would be the one who was needing their head examined.

I also find playing role play sorts of games with 3-4 year olds mind-numbingly boring. Luckily I had 3 dds in 4 years so I can sit back and feel that I have provided them with enough playmates.

But I have sent both dd2 and dd3 to extra childcare at this age purely because I just didn't enjoy those sorts of activities and that was what they wanted to do. Nurseries and pre-schools are full of children who love that sort of activity.

or, if they are at home, we visit friends for them to play with. Anything rather than have to play mummies and babies myself.

hi, thanks for all your replies. I think legalalien is spot on, I need to do something for myself, away from the DC's. I need more of a work/life balance (work being the DC's!).

Apart from the course in september, which is only 1 morning a week (will that be enough?=never happy!) i have looked into other possible courses but they all seem to start in september. The only other courses are in the evening which is not feasible due to DH's job, he gets home at different times and i'm too tired to do anything in the evenings anyway.

If I spent around 2 days a week doing something for 'me' I am pretty sure i would enjoy my time with DC's a lot more. But that's the problem, i think it would be impossible to find the ideal part time job. I'm if it existed everyone on MN would apply!

I think the course in september is the first step and i will have to try and find something else to occupy me in the meantime. Any ideas/suggestions welcome!

Oneplusone, I know exactly how you feel. Did you know that the Open Uni do short courses? A batch have just started and then another batch will start in May. There are probably others starting at other times too, but those were the dates for the courses I was interested in. BAsically there are loads which last about 3-4 months. That would help you to keep stimulated until September.

do something else then. I am not Shaggy from Scooby Doo, and I refuse to pretend to be so. I will play caterpiller races, Othello, read, draw, answer endless Whys, let him paint my face and mess with my hair but I will not play 5 year old roleplay games.

the other things that I find much more tolerable than role play are board games, card games & jigsaws.

Orchard Toys make some lovely games, and there are lots of jigsaws for under 2s so perhaps even DS could join in with his own whilst you help DD with something more tricky?

I second Anna's Angelina DVD - we have Bella Dancerella Learn to Tap and both DD and DS love to roll back the rug and prance about. I got DD some tap shoes on ebay and she adds various bits of dressing up.

oneplusone where are you and what kind of job would you be interested in (easter afternoon, rest of team has disappeared, nothing better to do than trawl part time job sites and come up with improbable suggestions!)

oneplusone do you mean that you are looking for activities that your dd can do on her own, or are you looking for activities that you can encourage her to take up that you would be interested in doing with her (sorry, what a wonky sentence).

barnstaple, hi, no i didn't know that. Will look into it, but does it involve actually going to college or working at home? I think i need to get out and meet/talk to other adults as well as do something to use my brain.

legalalien, I'm in sw london but i'm not sure what sort of job i want. I had ruled out going back to law but now i'm not so sure. Have no idea really. The course i'm going to do in september is in interior design and is something i've been interested in since i was 10! I've always loved architecture, buildings, design etc (how i ended up as a lawyer i'll never know!) and i would love to study/work in that area but with 2 DC's to look after it is just not realistic for me to seriously think about a major career change at the moment.

Most interior designers work for themselves and establishing yourself i can imagine takes lots of time and dedication and i just do not have that, unless i put DS into full time day care which i don't want to do. Once DS is at full time school i think i will have more of an opportunity to think about making a serious career change but until then i think my only options are to dabble in what i enjoy through a part time course.

I also love history and met a mum recently who was doing a part time history MA, purely for interest not job/career. But she was struggling as it was more demanding than she had thought and I have enough on my plate without adding to my stress (i have been through 18 months of emotional/turmoil/rollercoaster which is on another huge thread).

But then again maybe something else to think about besides my emotional stuff may actually be a good thing.

I think the OU may be the way forward. Although again i have a friend who has started a course and is totally struggling as well, her DC's are the same age as mine.

Maybe i need to bite the bullet and just give it a go.

Will look at the OU website tonight once DC's are in bed.

starting this thread and all your responses have really clarified things for me. It's actually not the case that I find DD's games boring, it's just that when all i ever do is play with the DC's and nothing for myself, that's when i find their games intolerable.

I definately need to find myself something to do that is adult, interesting, rewarding and mentally stimulating.

I'm going to look into history courses as that's something else I love.

Thanks everyone, couldn't have done it without your help!

I think part of the problem is that whilst being a SAHM i was somehow convinced i would come up with a great business idea but it's been 5 years and is clearly not going to happen! I should have instead just been thinking of things i enjoy doing and how i could do those things whilst i was not working. I think work/life balance applies to SAHM's as much as people who go out to work.

happy to help (she says, as she sits at her desk in the legal department reflecting on the fact that she would be absolutely crawling up the walls if she had decided to stay at home as opposed to going back to work). I have the opposite dilemma, of periodically thinking that I should cut my hours to part time - but I know I couldn't not work at all - I'd miss the adult company and the "validation" that I get from achieving things in my job. which is kind of sad, but true.

Funnily, I set out to do a history degree and ended up a lawyer, and one of my BFs (also a lawyer) really wants to be an architect. I love law, though.

Why don't you come along to the next City lunch (still to be organised, DCs are always welcome). Or you can always come and visit me out here at the wharf.... and we can convince each other that we've made the right choices!

surely there must be some sort of part time legal job working for english heritage or something somewhere out there.....

(I know someone - a relative - who works as a salaried employment lawyer 2 days a week - days to be upped as and when she is ready. Those jobs do exist).

hi legalalien, thanks for the lunch invite, i might take you up on that one day! DH works in the wharf and i've taken the kids to meet him for lunch. The wharf is really child friendly i found, lots of areas they can run about without falling into the river!

but actually a part time job working for english heritage would be perfect! and civil service jobs are usually very family friendly, i'll have to look into that! thanks again!