Hi looking for some advice.
my ex has DS every other weekend for 2 nights (atm going to increase to 3 in may 😭) he’s 3. So he’s small and he doesn’t have a phone.
when he comes back after the weekend he tells me that he cries every night before he goes to sleep there and the house is scary.
i know he likes going he just doesn’t like sleeping there. Last time he came home he got to the bottom of the stairs and started crying after he came back from contact and said “my dad told me off” and I said why what happened and he said “cos I was crying in the bed for mummy, he said no no no and he was so angry”. It made me so tearful because he’s obviously held that in and he’s quite sensitive too.
we use a parenting app due to dv that happened and the court ordered it. Recently the communication has been slack. I sent messages about DS schedule for summer holidays and trying to get organised but he ignored jt, then another one witn some request for a switch of weekend and then information about DS cousins party, and whether he’d allow me to take him for 2 hours over his weekend.
i understand my messages are asking for changes and he isn’t one to change the schedule to accommodate me in anyway, but these are changes throughout the year & for DS benefit.
i also check in on the weekend, on the second night I ask how DS son is doing and if he’s ok?
I’ve never mentioned that DS tells me cries because I’m nervous ex will tell him not to tell me he cries and he’ll bottle up things.
this is the second time now hes ignored my “checking in” message and I don’t think it’s fair.
so 4 messages were ignored and I mentioned to handover family member I’ve just sent some
messaged about DS schedule for summer etc can you ask him to have a look. A week went by and he replied “been busy look next week”
He never checks in on DS asks for photos, if he needs anything, what he’s been up to. He pays minimal CM and genuinely doesn’t show any interest in DS life. We very much do “parallel parenting” just purely because since DS has been 16 months he’s refused to tell me anything about DS whether he’s napped or eaten so I’ve just got used to having to work it out for myself. I’ve been forced to just let DS go and pray & hope hes ok, even through third party handover his family ask me nothing about DS and ignore me on handovers like I’m his child minder or an invisible person lol. (A whole different story but they’re just .. a nightmare)
also just because he doesn’t check in doesn’t mean I will.
he used to reply to messages with something basic like “fine” or “good as always” or if he was ill I’d ask if he was better.
I know it’s a message and it’s basic but it makes me feel so much more at ease if I just hear he’s ok or he’s fine. I would always check if my DS was ok if he was with anyone else and call but I can’t do that with his dad. I am not interrupting his time it’s one message on the second night he’s sleeping there.
anyone have any advice on what to do here? I feel like I’m not even entitled to ask if my own DS is ok? How is that normal or is it normal!? Should I just go back to third party communication or carry on sending messages and just keep note of how bad he is at communicating for DS!?
(may I add he is a full blown narc so this will be making him so happy that he has the power to not reply all together as he knows I want one!)