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Parenting

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Taking back my toddler. Logistical advice

1 reply

Pigeotto · 27/01/2024 12:08

I’ve posted many times on here about leaving my verbally abusive partner which I did months back and my life has been exponentially more enjoyable.

DS is with him through the week as his nursery is closer and I have him Wednesdays and weekends. Lots has happened that’s made me want to take back my son and that’s a whole other ramble but TLDR after taking yesterday off to look after a poorly baby, being “kindly” invited to spend the day at his (so my son wasn’t being moved around too much when he was ill) I was just shouted at by him the entire day. It ending up with him smoking weed later on that evening and not even telling me so I’ve decided I’ve had enough and I want my child back.

I honestly don’t know how stuff is going to pan out but I’m interested in any logistical advice and what to expect in other people’s experiences. He’s a very angry man so I’m prepared for a load of verbal abuse, parents getting involved etc. because he can’t handle his own fights, banging on the door, police being called.

Day to day I’d like to keep my son in the same nursery but his dad usually does pick ups, like what the hell do I tell nursery? I feel sick thinking about it. I guess when I do drop off Monday I’ll have to ask to talk to someone?

Obviously I’ll have to sort stuff out with work and nursery hours eventually. But I’ve reached a point and I refuse to give him back until he stops drinking, smoking and his flat is tidy.

Has anyone else successfully navigated this. Is there anything I should be aware of be prepared for or do they tend to favour the mother? We have no written agreement on anything. I’m petrified

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 27/01/2024 13:47

If he's on the birth certificate so has PR the nursery shouldn't be stopping him from picking him up. Neither of you have more right to him than the other. If you can you could wfh or take a week off to try and get something in place with regards to alternate childcare. Unless the flat is unsanitary I wouldn't be muddying the waters with the issue of tidiness. Write down any concerns and when these things happened and why they're so concerning. Is he drinking to excess or just drinking? Was he visibly stoned and not capable of caring for him? It's hard to tell from your post.

If you have serious safe guarding concerns they should be raised, potentially with SS and you should probably start the ball rolling for mediation or trying to get an exemption to go straight to court. Id suggest speaking to a solicitor first though to see what you can and can't do and how your specific concerns are likely to be taken. Even if your concerns aee considered to be serious acting unilaterally to remove your child from his father's care might not be taken well by the court, its really a grey area.

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