Broken by my 3 yo

[DuploStack]

We have not had a single enjoyable moment with our 3.5 year old in over 6 months and I’m at the end of my rope with how hard he is. He’s always been intense/tricky but generally seemed happy. But I don’t think he’s been happy at all in this time either which is heart breaking.

He has 2 moods. His baseline mood is sullen, argumentative, disobedient and whingey. This is peppered with spells of wildness. Happen numerous times a day and last for 15 minutes or so. During these spells he sprints round, throws things, gets in our faces, screams and makes silly noise and will be destructive whilst laughing manically. After, he’s straight back to obtuse and whingey. He’s been like this since just before 3. We’ve had over half a year of this hell and it’s getting worse, not better.

He sleeps 12 hours at night. Eats 3 healthy meals a day. Has lots of time outside (which he moans and complains about). Lots of attention from DH and I (which he doesn’t seem to care about). I think we are good parents. We have firm boundaries and aren’t afraid to say No. We try and love bomb him but he’s not interested. He goes to pre school 3 days a week and they are struggling with him as well.

Is this normal? If your 3 yo was like this, when did it get better?

This feels familiar. We have a DS 3.5 and a 10m old DS. I would say the last 6 months with my eldest have been HARD. He has always been energetic, and intense. Stubborn and wilful. (I should add he can also be so clever, enthusiastic, and charming). But he is a bit like me, just so full on, so we can see where he gets it from 😂 but then he hit 3 and he is like something else! Threenager doesn’t do it justice. He can he so stroppy, tantrums, attitude and rudeness. We had put it down to birth of younger brother causing some upset. Behaviour is being picked up on in nursery now and despite us being on it at home, and trying with ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’ techniques, it’s not getting better. I think there is some neurodivergence at work but not sure where to go with it. Have you any Asd/adhd concerns with yours?
anyway, I’m waffling but yes what your are describing seems normal to me, but I feel that compared to peers it isn’t typical. Waiting/hoping/praying it gets better soon!!

No I don’t think that’s normal, what did the nursery say, do they have any concerns about his development?

Thank you both for your replies.

Neurodivergence has been in the back of my mind since he was a baby really for numerous reasons. I didn’t know if I was being neurotic.

Pre school have been pretty useless so far. It’s a pre school attached to a primary as opposed to a private nursery. We just get pulled aside and told he’s been silly or argumentative or not listened pretty much daily. They don’t make suggestions or ask us to work on things. I can only presume they think we are crap parents. I know we are not. We ‘parent’ 100 times more than a lot of people we know to try and vaguely keep DS in check.

Tactics from How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen vaguely worked when he was a toddler but have zero impact now.

Some of this behaviour sounds similar to my DS when he was 3, I did the Incredible Years course (offered through local authority but you can also buy the book online) and found it really helpful for learning more about child development and adjusting my expectations of him. He's 5 now and while we still have some issues it's a hell of a lot easier than the threenager stage, hang in there!

My son was very energetic at 3, but was very happy and in his own little bubble. It's almost like he wasn't actually here in reality, just happily living in his own world. I think that's why he often didn't listen. He also displayed a lot of sensory seeking behaviours that I thought were normal since he was my only child. lots of running in circles, jumping on and off things, touching everything, sniffing things. Have you noticed any of those behaviours? His nursery did say that they would wait for a while to see if he calmed down with age since 3 is very young and their personalities are still developing. He didn't calm down, and things did get worse, unfortunately. He was diagnosed with severe adhd, autism and oppositional defiance disorder at 10. Does he still see a health visitor?

Is it possible he has food allergies? Just wondering about the moodiness...