How husband reacts to DS behaviour

[alicepalace2]

Hi everyone. Just looking for some advice really. My DS is 8 and awaiting an ADHD/ autism assessment. His behaviour is very difficult at the moment. He calls us names, is very rude, answers back and regularly hits us.

Now, what I’m really struggling with is how DH reacts to this behaviour. Today DH screamed in DS face as DS was off on one and called DH fat. DS was trying to run out of the house as we said it was too late to go to the park. DS said DH pushed and shoved him and it hurt. This was after DS punched DH in the stomach.

This behaviour and name calling really triggers DH. We also have a DS who is 3 and I hate him being around all of this.

DH suspects he also has ADHD himself. After he screamed at DS, he went into out bedroom
and slammed the door. I don’t know how we can continue to live like this.

This won’t change. You will spend your life tiptoeing round your DH, trying to distract the children so they don’t upset him and have him scream at them...unless DH seeks anger management/coping strategies or you separate.
If your DS does get a diagnosis there are parenting courses that can teach you ways to parent a ADHD child that can help make the household a calmer one. If the assessment is through CAMHS it can take years though.